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Sunday Confessional: I Skipped Out on my Bridesmaid Duties

My boyfriend of six months moved me back to his hometown so he could be closer to his family. I had never met his mom before we moved and although we have only met three times, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which was last weekend. I didn't think I could say no so I agreed under pressure.

I am painfully shy and shudder at the thought of being in the spotlight. That, mixed with the worst bridesmaid dress imaginable; black, floor length, puffy sleeved, and fit for a funeral, I faked sick and backed out of my bridesmaid duties the morning of her wedding.

I am not an actress by any means, but everyone bought my story. Now that I am home alone, while my boyfriend and his entire family are celebrating my could be mother-in-law's marriage, I am feeling utterly guilt ridden. Am I the most terrible, vain, selfish human being imaginable?


Join The Conversation
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
you accepted under pressure? jeez grow a spine! either say yes or no. shame on you for skipping out on a important day. your bf mom went out of her way to include you. i can understand if you said no because you have only known him for 6month but not forgive that you said yes and writing this bullshit excuse for not going to a wedding, being too shy to be in the spotlight, you arent the bride. grow up!
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
totally forgiven. its only been six months for heavens sake. its understandable. dont worry about it. give ureself a break
fran441 fran441 9 years
You need to grow up! My 14-year-old is painfully shy, but I will not allow him to use that as an excuse for being rude. How old are you? Get over yourself already. If you don't want to do something, say no. If you say yes, honour your commitments! Your boyfriend and his family deserve better.
AZ-Mary-Mary AZ-Mary-Mary 9 years
Forgive. It was cheesy, but it's done. Take it to the grave though. Don't make anyon else wear your guilt. That's your penance for lying. Reimburse and make it up without coughing up the reason. Then get over it and find some self esteem. You will be fine.
Sugar-Magnolia Sugar-Magnolia 9 years
You ARE selfish. One of my best friends backed out of my wedding one month (I can't fathom the stress you caused that poor woman on her actual wedding DAY) before hand, gave me some vague, lame ass excuse and then didn't return my calls. I don't know what her problem was or if she just expected it all to "blow over", but I didn't forgive her and I haven't associated with her since.
apsara1 apsara1 9 years
Saying no at the onset would have been the thing to do. because you have your own emotional issues, you caused her a big problem on her wedding day. Try to learn and grow into a more honest person.
JMarahCas JMarahCas 9 years
cos the dress was ugly? WOW.
Daddisgrl Daddisgrl 10 years
I forgave... While it was a nice gesture to ask you; I don't think she should have. Weddings are a personal thing. The bride should have people standing up there that mean something to her, people she has a bond with... I wish that after you said yes (from your post it sounded like you couldn't say no for some reason) you should have told BF the truth that you'd love to attend but don't feel right standing up there. May have come out that she didn't need another BM but was asking to be nice. You've learned a lesson, I think that's enough punishment.
meganekko meganekko 10 years
forgive, but you did let everyone down, including yourself.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
Grow a pair (of ovaries that is) and stand your ground next time. I'm sure she only asked to be polite so she wouldn't be devastated if you stated that you'd rather not. Six months is kinda quick to be moving for a guy but that's another issue which may or may not be linked to your obvious need to grow a pair.
hills hills 10 years
i think its yes and no to forgivable, firstly just because u may not like how u look and are shy dosnt mean ur a vain person it just means ur selfconcious, some people are more so than others but dont think ur vain or terrible. i do think the main problem is u backed out on the day of this womens wedding, i think u could have handeld it better, but we all make mistakes and get caught up in the moment and dont think properly, espescially if u were stressed about it, but i wouldnt tell ur bf, just keep apologising and try and make it up to her best u can, let her know what type of person u are and that u would like to get on.
Sherbear Sherbear 10 years
You can always so NO....That is a hard thing but something we all must learn in life. If you agreed, you should have done it. There is no reason to make things harder on yourself...just say no in when it's something you know you can't do.
demeter demeter 10 years
Wow I can't believe so many people chose not forgive! I did too. I think that's just incredibly selfish. I know you don't know her well, but you should have considered it an honor for her to ask YOU of all people to be her bridesmaid. If I were the mother, I would not forgive that.
amber_castaldo amber_castaldo 10 years
I say forgive but I really think it was a terrible thing. I am sure someday she will be able to forgive you. It's not like you killed someone.
rb24 rb24 10 years
vpp917 vpp917 10 years
i understand u were nervous as anyone wud be meetin a potential mother in law but i dont think u shud have backed out last minute.. u shud have talked to ur bf & explain to him how u felt.. im sure he wud have understood or helped u be more comfortable around his family
mrsgrillo mrsgrillo 10 years
the best man in our wedding backed out the Wednesday night before the wedding, called during the rehearsal and said he was flying out and then never showed. We were in limbo for a while. It sucked, but in the end, I was married to the man i love. My husband and this guy have moved past it, as have I. Yeah, the programs were wrong, wedding was not ruined by a missing best man! I obviously would forgive, but....
BunkerVA BunkerVA 10 years
I might have been able to forgive had you not backed out the DAY OF the wedding! That's terribly selfish... try to imagine if someone did this to you!
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 10 years
I think it would of been forgivable if you hadn't done it on the morning of her wedding!! What were you thinking?? Imagine how nervous and stressed she must of been feeling and then u do that.. na, thats selfish and just mean.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
I don't care if you dated him for a day--- you said you would do it then backed out on some one's WEDDING DAY--- I do not forgive anything that could ruin a WEDDING DAY. That is so beyond selfish. If you didn't want to do it you should have just said no. TINA!
RainbowCrayon RainbowCrayon 10 years
Oh hell no... Not forgive. You've eaither gotta confess to the mother, or keep up with this lie for god knows how long. Picture it, 2 years down the road.. thanksgivng, The mother is talking about how you were sick on the day of her wedding, She asks you what it was, You say.. Oh I had the flu, but previously when it happend you told her you had food posining. SUSPICIOUS. Good luck. You're going to need it.
andaman andaman 10 years
Honey you should have had the gut to say no from start. What you did was terrible. I'm sure she has no choice but to forgive you. But learn from this and never say yes to something you aren't sure about. You should definately feel so guilty. It was your fault!
lemuse20 lemuse20 10 years
It's forgivable. Though if I were you I would have thought of it as an "in" to the family, a ticket to a good friendship with your bf's mom. I think you should take her out for lunch or dinner and tell her what really happened, why you skipped out and how you felt and that you're sorry, I'm sure she'll forgive you, she liked you enough to ask you to be a bridesmaid, right? Just be honest and get it off your chest!
red4ev red4ev 10 years
its forgivable but you should do something for her to make up for it like spending a spa day or even a small heartfelt note...i think it will make you feel less guilty
tamberly tamberly 10 years
i think its forgivable. I think you should have said something sooner, but you didnt so what can you do now? apoligize for cancelling and hope that you have another chance at getting close with the family. This would have been a good time to do so even if you are shy. I am a shy person too, but sometimes even when you are so afraid, doing something for someone else you love is much more important, and when its over, its over and you can feel good that you didnt let you shyness get the best of you. I think that you should stop feeling so guilty and just learn from this.
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