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Sunday Confessional: I Slapped My Girlfriend

I’d been dating my ex for the past 7 ½ months. Everything was absolutely wonderful with her, I can honestly say she’s the first person I’ve ever loved in my life. When I met her, it clicked instantly and I loved every moment of it.

There was one instance in our relationship that went horridly wrong. She had stayed at my apartment that one night so I went to work in the morning and came back to meet her for lunch. When I got there, we ate, and then she wanted to have sex. I had been having a really stressful day at work, and wanted to have sex with her, but I knew I wouldn’t have really “been there” for it so I told her no. The next 10 minutes consisted of her begging for me to have sex with her, which to my mistake, I gave in.

While we were making love, I was still stressed from work and had a tough time performing because I couldn’t get my mind clear - this was the first and only time we’ve had a problem with sex. I knew it wasn’t happening and I had 10 minutes to get back to work, so I apologized and said that I'd make it up to her later. She looked me into the eyes after hearing that and uttered the words, “Are you f***ing gay?” Within an instant, I gave her a slap across the face. It took me a second and I realized what I had done and I immediately ran out of the room and started crying.

I was the guy who would never ever hit a girl. I had no idea what had happened. She wanted to end it right there and then, but I did my best to sit her down and pleaded with her that it was an accident, that I was extremely sorry and that it would never happen again.

We got back together, but things have been a little rocky. She’s left me 3 times, but we keep giving it another try. Just this past week, she told me she couldn’t trust me and that she was afraid I would hit her again. The back and forth is killing me and I don’t want this relationship to end because of something that happened 2 ½ months ago. It was the only time it ever happened, which I wish I could say never did. I love this woman dearly and I want to know if I can be forgiven.


TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
Not forgive! Sure, it starts out with a slap and an "oh i'm so sorry" but you will react this way again! If you can't control yourself when a girl makes a stupid ego-blowing comment, you really need to seek counseling and gain some confidence. You're going to slap her again, maybe push her down next time, then you'll buy her flowers to make yourself feel better. Physical abusers are insecure and this sounds like you! I'm assuming that none of the other commenters have ever been in a physically abusive relationship because this is definitely how it starts!
vmruby vmruby 8 years
Forgive....... and that wasn't easy for me to say.It would have been hard for me to refrain from slapping her myself. All in all she sounds like a real meanie and definitely not worth your time.
tinyspark tinyspark 10 years
I would have had a very difficult time NOT slapping her. Pressuring someone to have sex and berating them for being tired and stressed out makes her a ginormous bitch.
tkoblondee tkoblondee 10 years
Obviously something more is going on here. What was the real reason she asked if you were gay? Something must have lead her to ask that other than a one time performance issue. Perhaps she was being nosy while you were at work, is there something in your apartment that she could have "accidentally" stumbled across? And then you run from the room and start to cry? Hmmm....But ultimately the question can I be forgiven, is yes.
getstinko getstinko 10 years
Xactly what I was saying - odds are she doesn't think she did anything wrong and he's bearing the brunt of this. she's a manipulator. dude if you have been begging for forgiveness and she hasn't recognized what she said was insensitive and abusive - you'd better be ready to live a life with no balls, because she's all about emasculating you. the comment about being gay, then getting you to beg and beg like a dog.
SugarFreak SugarFreak 10 years
Oh and one more thing. How manipulative is she that she is going to turn this around on YOU and make you feel like you were more wrong than she was by reacting to her brattiness?! She can't trust you? How about you? Do you feel that you can emotionally open yourself up to her without risking another totally out-of-line comment? You clearly feel about her? Has she apologized at all for what she said to you? I really want to know the answer to this.
SugarFreak SugarFreak 10 years
As I started reading this, I was thinking to myself "He slapped his girl?? Oh Hell no...!!" Then I get to the part about her b!tchy insensitive little comment. Let me tell you something, she sounds like a real piece of work. First of all, your ability to perform is not like a clapper--we can't clap it on nor clap it off. Secondly, how full of herself is she that she thinks that if she wasn't able to get you to perform, that you must be gay?! Are you kidding?? If she has the inability sensitize the stress you were under, which she clearly can't, you need to leave her ASAP because she will not be able to hold up her half of a healthy relationship. I mean it. If you were my brother, my best friend, or anyone else that I was close to, this is what I would tell you. Hitting/slapping ANYONE (man towards woman AND woman towards man) is NOT RIGHT. But with that said, she sounds like a real biatch who definitely does not deserve you.
cretinhop cretinhop 10 years
she sounds really insensitive. she shouldn't have had a temper tantrum when you wouldn't have sex with her because, of all things, you had to get back to work. it's not like you were passing her over to do something ridiculous. and what she said when you weren't into it was just cruel! thats an awful thing to say. get rid of her! there's nothing worse to do to a guy than to insult their masculinity. that's definitely a low blow.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 10 years
I would have slapped her too! Ugh. She sounds crazy.
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 10 years
You do sound emotional, and it sounds like she takes advantage of that fact by whining until she gets her way, because you don't want to make her upset. pushing down your feelings will only make you lash out in a horrible way like this. I put 'forgive' because I think that once you learn to stand up for yourself and take things less seriously (oh and maybe get a nicer girlfriend), you'll never do it again.
Bookish Bookish 10 years
I don't think the slap was appropriate, but it was certainly understandable. You sound like an emotional person- and to be with someone capable of such coldness (not to mention the needy "have have sex with me now, I don't care that you just said no" crap) is probably not what's best for you. So I put forgive, but let it be a lesson to you- and look for someone who will treat you with more respect, so you can treat them with respect in turn.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
I would have smacked her too.
getstinko getstinko 10 years
she sounds like a piece of work - the are you f**king gay is such an emasculating abusive stab, especially if Mr. Happy wasn't fired up for the show. On top of you having the stress, the issues with your manhood, she throws out the "gay" thing. eesh. I certainly would have lashed out at her with a brutal comment about her weight or smell. But slapping her and running out isn't the answer. Dude, right now you are probably bearing the brunt of this entire situation, but I'll put this out there; if she has not apologized or recognized that she was abusing you verbally - then I think you have an even worse situation on your hands. I've been with abusive women and the manipulative controlling behavior that she expressed is something to be very concerned about. You've already crossed the line with the slap, are you sure you want to fight to get back in the game with this woman? Think about how she pushes your buttons? Is she that freaking inconsiderate? perhaps you are a bad mix of personalities and you should take this one as a lesson to move forward to something better.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
While it's not OK to hit her, I still forgive given the circumstances. I don't, however, think this is a good relationship for either of you.
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 10 years
Wow, she sounds like she has major control issues...pressuring you for sex & then spitting out that nasty remark when she realized she wasn't going to get her way after all. She doesn't sound like a very healthy or nice person. I'm sure you don't trust her to never be so nasty to you again. Having said that, that is no excuse for slapping her. It's no excuse for slapping ANYBODY. You should have just walked away & left her for good. She probably will not trust you again. I don't blame her. Who is to say that you wouldn't react that way again, while under stress? I'm sure you never thought you would, in the first place. You need to worry less about staying with her & more about why you would allow yourself to react that way. Maybe you should look into some counseling, to help you find ways to react differently to such a stressful situation. Good luck with yourself.
Marci Marci 10 years
The hitting was out of line, but you already know that. SHE, however, sounds like someone you're better off without. Talk about self-absorbed and selfish. When she doesn't get her way she insults and goes right below the belt?? This is NOT someone you want to form a longterm relationship with. So while the hitting isn't forgivable, the feelings she provoked - which she did deliberately - are completely forgivable.
Liss1 Liss1 10 years
I picked forgive. I would never approve of a man hitting a woman, but she sounds like a real b*tch. She should have been more understanding of you having a really stressful day and i think it was just a reaction to her saying that. I don't think you would ever purposely hit her. I think you should let her go and move on with a girl that is actually considerate.
ccsugar ccsugar 10 years
There's no excuse ever for hitting a woman. That said, she does sound kinda like a b!tch, so maybe it is time to move on.
StefaPie StefaPie 10 years
it's really not okay to hit anyone, but i can't say i'd do any different in that situation. it seems like you two are just really bad for each other if she's being that much of a bitch and you react with violence.
apsara1 apsara1 10 years
Oh, and... I question her maturity as a human being. Her question may have come from frustration, but if a man asked me if I was f*@#ing frigid, I'd be done with him.
apsara1 apsara1 10 years
Look. We are all human. Emotions can flare and rage can erupt, but the fact that it was tied to your feelings as a man worry me a bit. I mean - you were probably feeling less like a man and then she asked you that question - frankly - I think you should talk to a professional about that being the trigger. I don't know if your relationship is salvageable or not, but it isn't a question of "forgive' or not forgive, but rather "Can you two work through this?" I've been rip-slapping furious at my kids and my spouse and there are times when I would gleefully have slammed any of the 3 into a wall in my rage and I do - in my MIND - on occasion, but NEVER in reality. We can hurt others, so we should always always always be mindful not to. In her case she looks at you and wonders - you snapped once, you could again - is it reckless to proceed with you since you are bigger/strong, this could get worse, and if you had kids - what then? It's possible it might never happen again, but she's wondering if she should take that chance and it can only come from her. Ultimately it doesn't matter what we all think here, it matters whether she feels she can move forward. Insisting you wouldn't do it again is meaningless. You wouldn't have done it that last time - it was something that you did do regardless.
yoan190 yoan190 10 years
Forgivable, but for once. When your gf abused you one more time (verbally like the last time, or physically), just call it off.
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