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Sunday Confessional: I Spread a Dirty Secret

I'm close with my team at work; we often meet for happy hours and even get together on the weekends. About a year ago we hired a new girl who became fast friends with the whole group, including me. But a few months ago something in her changed. Now I find that she's increasingly competitive with me, but not in a professional sense. Instead, she's competitive when it comes to just about everything else.

When I get gleeful about losing five pounds, she starts working out every day and comes in bragging about the 10 pounds she just lost. If I host a cocktail party at my house, within weeks she's planning her own and literally tallying the amount of people that comes to each. Most recently, she started flirting with a bartender that we see often whom she knows I have been pursuing. Needless to say, she drives me absolutely nuts — I feel like I'm in high school again!

She also tends to drink way too much when we go out, and usually ends up sleeping with someone (it's been a coworker on more than one occasion). For whatever reason, she's inclined to confide in me about her sexual escapades so I usually know what everyone else on our team is just speculating about. Recently she told me that she slept with one of our biggest clients after a dinner meeting — a big no-no at our company. This time I was so fed up with her that I decided to spread it around the office. It felt satisfying at the time, but now her job's on the line. It's not like I made something up, but I still feel guilty that she might lose her job. Can I be forgiven for spreading her secret around?


calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
forgive u go girl karma? what karma? its that whores fault. she thinks sleeping around is going to make her 'popular'. and she was trying to compete with u. and she told u, not as a secret but to brag. so what if u told others about it? its okay, because it wasnt a secret. and she deserves to be fired for being the office slut. and it aint a rumor, its the truth. she was being unprofessional and its not like u meant to get her fired. dont feel guilty. because she totally deserves it.
cmill38 cmill38 9 years
no i don't commend you for starting the true rumor, but this girl had it coming to her eventually. someone like that can't keep it a secret long that she's sleeping with co-workers and clients.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I think your both incredibly immature. Grow-up and learn what it means to be professional fine you do not like to be around her anymore so stop hanging out together. A someone stated above what you did was spiteful and mean.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
and i don't see what's the difference between telling the boss versus the rumor. both would have been don't with malintent. snitching is snitching. PERIOD.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
The moral of the story is work. i know we all like to make friends at work, but the reality is muthaf*ckas don't know how to separate the two. your co-workers don't need to know who ya f*ckin', how often you buy shoes, if ya man is a pig at home, NOTHING. the cocktail parties?? yeah, let your co-workers know that you have enough money to have a in-wall aquarium, and they can barely afford to buy the big can of Folgers. you are just letting folks into your world, which is a big potential for sh*t like this to happen. you never know who is a smilin' face. the only thing co-workers need to know is if you got that email they sent you.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
It's f*cked up, but you don't tell your business at work. and then on top of that, she was acting stank to the people she told her business to. you better get dibs on her stapler and her pen holders before somebody else gets them!
vmruby vmruby 9 years
Not could have quietly gone to her supervisor if it was only about her breaking the company policy but instead you made the choice to be spiteful and mean-spirited.I'd be pissed at you.
Jinx Jinx 9 years
Maybe the fact that she slept with him is one of the reasons he is still a big client? :oy:
itsme3683 itsme3683 9 years
Absolutely forgive! I have very little tolerance for people who break the rules on purpose and don't expect to deal with the consequences. She knew that that was a big mistake and she did it anyways, the personal stuff is just extra.
cyang cyang 9 years
anyone else should be sympathetic, but i don't think SHE's ever going to forgive you, but she pretty much had it coming
onesong onesong 9 years
i agree 100% with Silverlining10 - you said the right thing, just to the wrong audience. she is absolutely making your firm look bad by sleeping with a major client, and that's something your supervisor (and hers!) should be aware of. gossiping is never the solution. next time, woman up and go to your supervisor.
chipjimi chipjimi 9 years
I suspect she won't forgive you. Maybe you should have talked to her and that there is some underline reason she started to behave this way.
dcfashionista dcfashionista 9 years
She is a sicko and she does need to be put in her place but you have to think about karma though.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 9 years
Gosh, how old are you two?? It has been said repeatedly in the posts above, but BOTH of you seriously need to grow up! What she did was totally wrong, but the way you handled it, in my opinion was WORSE! You should have gone to her supervisor, but instead, you spread this stuff all over the office. Yeah, she will probably lose her job, but you will still be there. AND everyone will know that you have loose lips and spread gossip...don't be surprised if you find yourself getting the "cold shoulder" from the rest of the office. I know I wouldn't want to risk telling you anything!!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
NOT FORGIVE yeah...just like damned high school...welcome to her level you're as dirty as she is.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
I said not forgive. The only reason you did this was because you don't like her. Seriously, there is a huge difference of someone annoying you than potentially ruining a career. I understand that she did something against the rules, so in fact she put her job on the line herself, but it think it was really very mean and nasty of you to purposely put her at risk of losing her job because she annoys you. I have people like this in my life, and I simply distance myself from them as much as possible. Losing a job can lead to so many other things to fall apart in someones life. I think you both need to stay away from each other. Plus the way she was going it probably would have caught up to her eventually anyway, you should have let nature run it's course. And no one likes a tattle teller
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 9 years
Not forgive. To overuse a hackneyed saying, two wrongs don't make a right. You should've confronted her directly about her competitiveness if you had such a problem with it. Sure, she broke the rules of the office. But you could've just gone to her supervisor instead of spreading her dirty secrets all across the office. What you did was vindictive and unprofessional.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
friggin right, i'd forgive. the girl was the one who made the mistake, and who also made the mistake of telling you. whatever, she deserves what she gets.
quitecontrary quitecontrary 9 years
Come on, now. How old are we? This kind of behavior was bad enough as teenagers, but as grown business "professionals"? No one is right in this situation.
Kim-Leduna Kim-Leduna 9 years
one more thing, think she will have a heavier consequence than you coz she acted much stupider when she spill her stupid actions..
Kim-Leduna Kim-Leduna 9 years
forgive...ur coworker or friend(?) started all the stupidity and i know no one should let her way at it by leaving the issue behind but u should have let 'things' do it's way to backfire on her. by starting all the gossips, u also have ur own share of guilt at the end. both of u are guilty about something and both of u acted immature.
shopgirl123 shopgirl123 9 years
well, i know the type, therefore i see how tempting the situation really was, but it isnt anything to be proud of. Spreading dirty secrets is immature and hurtful , especially if someone trusted you so much to confide in you. If you have it in you to let it go, you should have just kept to yourself and had a talk with her about her boundaries. If you really couldnt hold it in, it would have been smarter to just go straight to managment and see how theyd like to deal with it. But as far as spreading that secret, you cant expect to ever be forgiven, but do you really want her friendship anyway? In my opinion, fess up, tell her the truth, admit you were wrong, and then put it behind you and learn your lesson: GOSSIP IS A NO NO!
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 9 years
Zawackirz, how can you be so sure that the girl has no self esteem just because she sleeps around? It's a well know phenomenon that women 'usually' get emotionally attached after sex, but not all women are the same. If a woman is not in the position of being tied down but is sexually active and enjoys sex, I don't see anything wrong with sleeping around a bit as long as it's safe physically/emotionally. However, her sleeping with a client is a big no-no. Sorry for not staying on topic. Anyways, that kind of petty competition is rather immature. You and her should both grow up a bit and focus on work.
richandfamous10 richandfamous10 9 years
Definitely NOT forgive. Why didn't you just report it to management? That would have been the ethical thing to do. Or you could have just kept it to yourself. Instead, you took the trashy way of spreading it around the office. Seriously, grow up and evaluate your ethical standards, the both of you. On different levels, of course, but karma doesn't reward trash talking in any way. Last - she probably trusted you on some level to divulge personal details. Regardless of her trashy behavior, she probably never thought in a million years you would spread it to everyone in the office. I know she totally put herself in that situation, but if she found out you were the source of it, how would you feel?
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
Forgive. But watch your back, you can easily be next in line. I mean, if it takes just a 'rumor' to get you in trouble then someone can easily make up a FAKE rumor about you *although in this case, it's the 'truth'. Why do you have to 'play games' like this in the work place. I'm with the crowd that says 'Grow up.' Don't befriend those whom you think are 'enemies.'
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