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Sunday Confessional — I Thought About My Ex While Having Sex With My Boyfriend

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. In the beginning, we couldn't get enough of each other and the sex was phenomenal. As we settled into our relationship, the passion began to fade. I know that's completely normal, but sex has always been really important to each of us so it wasn't long before things got awkward between us.

I knew something had to change so I started to wear sexy lingerie to help reignite the flame. It felt great to have him want me again like the good old days, but he wasn't reciprocating the effort.

To make matters more complicated, an ex-boyfriend of mine recently contacted me on Facebook. Things didn't work out between us for legitimate reasons, but I always found him incredibly desirable. He's been top of mind lately and the other night while having sex with my boyfriend, I found myself fantasizing about my ex. I felt guilty the entire time, but that was the first time we had mind-blowing sex in months. I don't want to get into the habit of thinking about other men while being intimate with my boyfriend, who I love more than anything, but can I be forgiven if I let my mind wonder from time to time?


Join The Conversation
fmminis fmminis 5 years
if you don't think your partner has fantasies going on then your not getting it ...the trick is to have yours and his meet on orgasm ...figure out something... like wear a sweater that might stir subtle memories ... and have him wear something (cologne maybe).... when your both getting close dig your nails into the sweater ...
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Oh yeh. Don't let his name slip out. Then it would be just like in the movies. Ha ha ha.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 8 years
Ohhh...ewwwwww! I don't think that's good at ALL. It's not an issue of forgiveness because everyone deserves forgiveness, so I didn't vote. But, it sounds ludicrous. Sounds like someone's had TOO many BF's.
pharm_chick pharm_chick 8 years
just as long as his name doesnt slip out its ok
cbaby28 cbaby28 8 years
i agree with miss senorita..if you dont mind him thinking about another chick while having sex with you then dont feel guilty
hillamaria hillamaria 8 years
Be sure to talk about this problem with him. If you're not feeling comfortable with the sex you're having, talk about what would turn you on and what he could do to spice things up. It's rarely a fault of just one person, so you both need to see what things you could do better from now on. And yes, everybody thinks of someone else sometimes - just don't make it a habit.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
Who's to say he has although its common that ppl do that but we can't assume. As long as you don't have a problem with him doing it then.
laluna27 laluna27 8 years
If you were thinking about Brad Pitt I doubt you would feel nearly as guilty, if guilty at all. Sex is supposed to be fun! You are allowed to think about whoever you want, just don't tell your boyfriend. Its information he doesn't want or need to know, just as you wouldn't want to know who he is thinking about from time to time - because I guarantee he has done it too.
graylen graylen 8 years
I agree, pippins. Well, that and the fact that the girl looks 12.
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
In addition to what everyone else has already said, I have to point out that the nipples on the man in the picture are really strange.
grabsatt grabsatt 8 years
The reality is that we've all done this at one time or another regardless of what the situation was. When it happened to me it was because I was angry at something my husband did that my ex would never had done because he knows it would make me a little angry.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
of course, we always imagine things better when they really are.... love is always more romantic when it is not being expressed in real everyday life.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
Don't worry about the ocassional fantasy, but do make it a priority to talk with your bf (gently) about your needs in the bedroom and how he can be more...uh...helpful. Fantasies are completely normal, but avoiding intimacy issues and relying on fantasies to get you through sex with your boyfriend isn't. This is something that won't go away unless you both are willing to work on it. If you love him and are committed to him for the long-haul, please talk it out. But don't mention the fantasy, because that won't help anything.
meeshee meeshee 8 years
guys do it ALLLLLL the time. don't sweat it. don't tell him, though. it's completely normal :)
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
This has happened to me a couple of times too - not fantasizing really but my ex will pop into my head at the beginning of a new relationship, simply because he was the last person I was with. But I think if it went into fantasy, I would seriously start questioning my connection with my boyfriend. In my last relationship things fell apart in the bedroom because of issues outside of it, which I think is fairly common. I'm going to differ from the previous posters and suggest you take a long, hard look at how happy you are with your boyfriend and whether he's the right one for you to be with. Just because I know if things go south in the bedroom, often the whole relationship will fall apart without you even knowing it, and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend's heart is in it. Just my opinion.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
Happens, don't tell him or it'll make things really bad. Men have ego issues when it comes to this, as do women I'm sorry. Noone wants to hear that you think about someone while you have sex with them or while you were kissing them or w/e. Move on, solidify your sexual bond and be happy. This forgive thing is bs, nothing to forgive or not forgive. Did nothing wrong. If we needed to forgive thoughts then we'd all be guilty and need forgiveness 24/7, so w/e. Move on, case closed, erase guilt.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Congratulations, you're human. Men tend to get comfortable so you need to talk about the sex issue with your boyfriend? I think the majority of us can admit to having thought about somebody else during sex...!! Girls Aloud frequent my head on occasion... If your boyfriend was the only man you were capable of finding attractive then you would have an issue right there. Just never mention this to your man. :)
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