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Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend How I Really Feel

One of my dear friends has been seeing a guy off and on for over a year. When things were "good" between them, she completely disappeared and spent all her free time with him. I felt left out, but I wanted her to be happy, even if it meant we saw less of each other.

As time went on, he began to change and their relationship went downhill, fast. She would make excuses for his terrible attitude and bad behavior, but I never bought it — he was making her miserable. When she finally confided in me about the troubles they'd been having, I told her the truth about how I feel about him. In an effort to be honest, I took it a little too far and before I knew it, every negative thing I'd ever thought about her boyfriend came blurting out of my mouth. From the look on her face, I could tell that I crossed the line. I immediately retracted, but it was too late — she was hurt and furious with me.

It's been two weeks since and she still, after numerous apologies, wants nothing to do with me. I was just trying to help her see what everyone else sees, so can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!


calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
i voted to forgive u too. u are her friend and its okay to tell her how u feel. if u know that ure friend is being with a no good person, u should tell her no matter how hurt she gets. u did nothing wrong. ure friend was miserable, and she was telling u about it. so u told her what u hate about the guy. whats the harm in that? some people are really stupid. let her be. she sounds like a bad friend who loves the man more than the friend.
Marci Marci 8 years
Totally forgive. That's what happens when we've had something inside that we finally get to talk about. We tell it all and then some!
myystque myystque 8 years
She should definitely forgive you, because you were being honest. I've had friends tell me (or hint) that they didn't like my boyfriend, and I didn't get angry because I understood they were thinking of me.
starangel82 starangel82 8 years
I've been there. It takes time, but wounds/hurt like this can be healed if you and your friend are willing. It sounds like this guy is no good for her... and if she doesn't forgive you now, you can be there for her when the walls come tumbling down.
rellicDragon rellicDragon 8 years
forgive ... Just be there for her ... if she is a true friend she will come back once she gets over that jerk ... n you will be there like a good friend to pick up the pieces ...
bigestivediscuit bigestivediscuit 8 years
Definitely forgive - although you crossed the line, ultimately you were looking out for her and her best interests and you didn't let this all loose until she came and confided in you.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Leila, the differences are that: 1. this is not her brother in law (whom the poster admitted not being very close to), but one of her best friends; and 2. the friend is MISERABLE with the guy, and came to complain about him herself. As far as we know, the brother in law is happy as a pig in shit.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
um-hum, the kind of friend that comes bitching to you about their life, over and over and over about the same thing and then gets mad at you for finally saying "duh. your choices are terrible". if you don't get to tell her your side, whatever the issue, that's not a 2 way street. and you know what? she'll be back; when he dumps her. then you'll listen to her cry and be the good, patient friend AGAIN. yeah, been there. totally forgive. leila07; difference is that girl friend here came a crying. bil never complained or sought input from the sil.
KibzeeLovee KibzeeLovee 8 years
what are friends for? if you didn't tell her the truth maybe nobody else would have.
heatherhas heatherhas 8 years
Strange to me that everyone thinks this is ok, but its not ok for the sister in-law to tell her b-i-l feelings about his relationship.
heatherhas heatherhas 8 years
She probably knows you are right. . .you did the right thing.
agrepina agrepina 8 years
heres the thing with people..they always want you to be honest..but when you are, they act like they didnt want to hear it.. FORGIVE!
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
As much as it hurts, if someone confides in you, you have ever right to say whatever it is you want. That's free will. That's free speech. That's life. I already had my friend beat me down on things, but you know what, she did it in my best interest because she cares about me. No matter what she says, it ultimately rests on how I feel and what decisions I plan on making. Same truthfully goes for everyone. That's life. You can be forgiven, but I don't see what there is to forgive.
margokhal margokhal 8 years
I can't decide on this one. There's not enough information to even determine if this is really a forgive/not forgive issue, because the forgiveness rests with the *friend*, not here! If this was a "he's totally controlling you, he's a horrible person, why can't you see that?" issue, then she definitely needed to hear the truth. I've done this before, but my friends already know that I tend to have pretty good insight into seeing what they can't see with their relationships [I don't butt in, they ask me to check the guy], so they expect that I just might say, "you know, this guy does X, Y, Z...most of which you don't like. And you never spend any time with the rest of us - or anyone else, really. Is he really WORTH all this?" If this is just a "oh he's terrible, nobody likes him" issue, which is really just pettiness, then that's not right. He could be a nice guy...just not in the way that you and "everybody else" would want. She's the one in the relationship, so SHE'S going to have to deal with that. Really, I think you should have just let her confide in you about the problems in the relationship and help her work through them - even if that means not-so-covertly suggesting that she let him go (a win/win situation!), and seeing if she follows or gets the hint.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
It's never a good idea to trash someone's significant other unless you are willing to put your friendship on the line in an effort to get her to see the error of her ways. So for me this isn't really a forgive/not forgive issue. It's more about whether it was worth it to you.
rosa-tea rosa-tea 8 years
i've done the same thing...i have such a big mouth!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Don't lose sleep over it. Your friend ins't much of a friend if she's the type like other women to disappear the minute some guy pays attention to her.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
Forgive. We've all done this before. It sucks that it doesn't matter what you say, she has to realize it herself someday.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
Forgive, it's just too early for her to face the truth. Also it's kind of like if you were irritated with a family member or someone close to you, you're allowed to vent about them - but as soon as someone ELSE starts bad mouthing them, then that's not cool. Sort of like, "I'm allowed to bitch about them - but you can't, that's my boyfriend you're talking about!"
missangelique999 missangelique999 8 years
Forgive-She confided in you, and you told her how you felt. I don't see how you did anything wrong. It's not your fault her BF is a piece of dirt.
ummyeaitsmarcie ummyeaitsmarcie 8 years
I don't agree that she knew the girl couldn't handle it, she said she realized it after the look on the girls face. Definitely forgive. I've got a friend who's to selfish to see that she treats her other friends like crap in favor of her boyfriend who constantly hurts her. Its rather annoying. If the girl is any friend at all she'll eventually realize she is wrong. Stop apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong, you just burst a bubble you had thought was already popped.
SLB SLB 8 years
Not forgive. Even though you told the truth you knew she was not ready for that much of the truth. You should should have known better.
Jessiebanana Jessiebanana 8 years
Forgive - You seemed to have good intentions and you didn't butt into her business until she came to you. It seems like she couldn't handle the truth at the time. You've apologized, she knows this, so give her some time and space and she should come back around. If not, there isn't much you can do other then wish her well.
geebers geebers 8 years
This is a dear friend so I can understand why you would want to tell her the truth but when it comes to relationships - no one is ever ready to hear the truth. That is just how it is. I say forgive because I can't imagine why you should not be forgiven - but you have to let her be for awhile.
loopymoi loopymoi 8 years
It seems like she can't handle the truth. You didn't do anything wrong. Its a friends job to give you their honest opinions so you were just being a friend. Some people just don't know how to act.
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