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Sunday Confessional: I Wrecked His Rep

Dear Sugar

I'd been pressing a friend of mine to tell me who he liked. I did this partly because I was honestly interested, and partly because his social awkwardness means that when we're alone, I try to take control of the conversation. I feel like I have to focus on topics that don't include video games, politics or serious moral discussions so that I don't get bored.

One night he was giving me a ride home and I was teasing him about his mysterious crush. He was acting strangely, and I was beginning to get the idea that maybe the girl he liked was me! This was confirmed when he stopped the car, turned to face me, and said that he'd liked me for months.

I of course said that I didn't have any idea that he felt this way and this caught him off guard. From that moment on things became awkward. Once we reached my house he told me how embarrassed he was for sharing his feelings with me and kept saying that he wished the whole incident never happened.

He told me that he's been rejected before and it hurt him a lot. As badly as I felt for him, I guess I was also feeling a little bit of empowerment since it just hit me just how much he liked me. As a kind gesture, I gave him a hug...and then I kissed him.

As soon as I stepped out of the car, I knew my gesture was going to be taken the wrong way. I didn't like him as a boyfriend, in fact at the time I liked another guy who I heard through the grapevine was planning on asking me out. Then I panicked thinking that if the guy I liked heard about the kiss he might not call me.

I know this is cruel and wrong, but I denied having kissed him to everyone who had heard about it. When people would come up to me and ask me about it, I'd vehemently deny the kiss and just say that I'd only given him a hug after he spilled his guts to me.

I made it sound like the way that he asked me was so much more ridiculous than it really was, just to back my point. Since I had a reputation as a nice girl and he had a reputation as being a needy guy, people assumed that he was a pathetic and delusional liar.

It's been six months and I have only gone out on three dates with the guy that I really liked. He wound up to be such a disappointment. All of the mutual friends that I have with the other guy that I kissed still talk about how badly they feel for me that I had to suffer through him telling the world that I kissed him.

He just thinks that I was tired that night and so I don't really recall what happened. In no way does he think that I've made him look like such a loser. I could have come clean but I never have. Can you forgive me for lying so that the guy I really liked would call me?

Join The Conversation
clove2 clove2 9 years
It's super late to be commenting, but WOW - that is so mean. You must still be in highschool. Have you never been rejected? It's a really sh*tty feeling, in case you don't know yet. Especially if someone denies having kissed you because they're embarrassed about it or something! The poor guy was just trying to be honest and have some hope inside. You probably completely scarred him and made him even more awkward around women. Nice one. He sounds way too smart for you, anyway, honey.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 10 years
Ohmygoodness. I'm sure you've read how bitchy you can be, and etc. That's all true. You shouldn't have kissed him if you didn't feel the same way, hugs are still okay. The thing that I don't get is, why does he have to tell the whole world that you kissed him? Or were you the one who told everyone how he'd lie about your kissing him for damage control? If it's the latter, man, you're just a mean selfish person. If you're making up story in order for damage control instead of him blabbing to everyone how you kissed time, remember, tell him that you'd appreciate it if he doesn't tell anyone about the kiss. But if it's the previous, I'll be in the middle, and say..I'll half-forgive, & half-not-forgive. After all, damn, why would he kiss and tell? That's very very uncool of him also for doing that. That's not a gentlemanly conduct. Then again, I tend to "forgive" because the whole thing sounds SO juvenile..maybe it's just that I'm "old" now, a mom and all...
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
There was so many other ways you could have handled that. And you choose one of the worst ways! OH and just so you know you still would have been a so called "good girl" even though you kissed him. Its not like you gave im a BJ in the middle of a crowded mall. It was just a kiss so I dont understand why you wouldnt have just let it go in the first place and not hve lied?
LaLaLola LaLaLola 10 years
Don't worry baby, I won't call you a b--ch. I know you weren't intentionally trying to hurt him, but girllll....that's just mean! If I was him, I'd be SO hurt, I'm not saying that if I was in your position I would do differently, but why would you kiss him? That's just wrong honey, are you insecure that you need to do that? Not forgive.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
I can see why you kissed him, but lying about it is so cruel. maybe on the inside he's completely torn up about it. Karma, baby. Not forgive. ~* “I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it.” -Johnny Depp *~
LizaToad LizaToad 10 years
that was really mean. well, unless you learn from this, he'll probably end up happier than you b/c he'll find someone good and honest to be with
ChiTownEm ChiTownEm 10 years
What a mean thing to do! This guy went out on a limb and was honest about his feelings for you and you do something like that? That is awful. I also love how you start off by saying that you asked the question so you could avoid the BORING conversations of, " politics or serious moral discussions." Maybe it would be wise for you to start having some conversations of substance with people that might help you become less petty,shallow and selfish. NO FORGIVE. I hate mean girls.
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 10 years
Isnt that how it usually goes the guy that would be nicer and treat u better is the one who gets the shaft. Treat him like shit for this other guy whose soooo much better, then u find out hes not all hes cracked up to be. Typical story i say, but I 100% agree with everyone who says u dont deserve him. Hes far to nice to be with u and what u did was totally uncalled for. You should really go apologize to the poor guy. It was probly embarassing enough for him to open up to you, let alone you denying it to everyone.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
why did you do that? what's wrong with you? that was really mean.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 10 years
Wow- that is pretty cruel. Its one thing to take his feelings into consideration, but to kiss him and lead him on only to deny it later on to 'save your rep' is pretty bad. It sounds like high school business!
Apple6 Apple6 10 years
Aah! I mean... WHY WHY WHY did you have to be so mean? It took him a lot of courage to tell you what he felt... and you ruined a friendship... Blah... This whole thing WAS really your fault.. I mean if you didn't like him you shouldn't have kissed him... Or you just should have admitted kissing him... Anyway you should try to apologize and admit what you have done.. Really... This sh*t is truly mean!
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
I agree with everybody above. That was a really really shitty thing for you to do. On the other hand, he really shouldn't have told anybody he kissed you. That's pretty tacky. But at least he was honest and tacky. You lied.
PinchL0af PinchL0af 10 years
You are a superficial lying douche bag
kittycat kittycat 10 years
i forgive u simply because we are taught to forgive all matters. however ur intentions are disgusting. u are probably the b*tch that plays innocently on guys. shame on u. the guy that confessed to u is too good for u.
Kratsina Kratsina 10 years
Not forgive. You need to make things right by suddenly remembering what really happened and making sure that story gets around. You can kiss your friends without it meaning marriage or a relationship.
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 10 years
wow thats mean. That's a horrible thing to do.. Not Forgive.
AfflictedLove AfflictedLove 10 years
There is no reason to feel that you are on this high horse. If you really are then what were you doing hanging out with him anyways. That is a terrible thing to do, especially if you claim to try to help him out with his social awkwardness. This incident will only add to it, and he's being a real nice guy not confronting or getting real mean about it. This will really hurt him and will be in the back of his mind. It's moments like this that cause emotional scaring and he'a a good guy judging from how he's been.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 10 years
you know what they say-what goes around, comes around. I agree with Pad-this guy is to good for you.
Padraigin Padraigin 10 years
Sorry, but that was an unconscionably bitchy thing to do and I hope he finds someone far more worthy of him than your pathetic butt.
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