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Sunday Confessional: I'm 23 and I've Never Been in a Relationship

Sunday Confessional: I'm 23 and I've Never Been in a Relationship

This week's confessional comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to weigh in in the comments.

I am 23 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I've wanted one but I am always rejected by guys because I am not pretty. I've tried improving my looks by wearing make-up, doing things with my hair, but it doesn't work. People usually like me too, most people say I am likable and I have many friends who are men but none have ever been interested in me beyond friendship.

A lot of the times I end up falling for the guys who are my friends and I am rejected. This is something that happened recently and then the guy who is still a friend and a girl who is a good friend started dating. They haven't come out in the open but it's obvious.


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Things like this always happen to me. It happened in the summer too, I was rejected by a guy friend and then he found another girl and started to date her. I am fairly thin, and I've started to work out with a personal trainer just because I have a bit of belly I want to get rid of. So I know it's my face that guys don't like. I am starting to think that I should just give up on finding anyone, because what guy is going to want a twenty-three year old ugly virgin? It was always my dream to have my own family someday, but I think it's time to forget that dream. I've always been an independent person, so it's not too big of a deal. I don't know what I am missing out on so I don't feel too bad. I have some single friends who have been in relationships and are looking for that good feeling again, and they are depressed because they can't have it. I've never experienced that, so I am lucky in a way that I don't have to long for it. I think I am just going to make my main goal in life to be financially secure and to have fun. Without a man in my life I don't have to be tied down anyway.
None of my friends know I'm a virgin still. I tell people I'm not because it's not like anyone is ever going to find out anyways.

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hellcangetus hellcangetus 4 years
I use to think the same thing but what i've learned at 4 yrs your senior is that confidence is key. You need to stop beating yourself over your looks. You need to embrace what you have. The moment I became more comfortable with myself and stopped caring about what others thought I was able to live my life freely and in turn I think guys started to really vibe off my energy and I got more boys. It's absolutely true I promise you. beauty is subjective. All you have to do is react differently towards yourself. Love yourself and people will feel it and will automatically be more drawn to you as a person. Everyone has flaws, but that doesn't stop them from being who they are. You're more than alright. The mirror is lying to you.
lupus84 lupus84 4 years
Who are you? The one who says that you're twenty three years old and you haven't been in a relationship yet? I would very much like to know your name for i too am a twenty three year old man and i too am not in a relationship as well. Samuel Martin
jssusi jssusi 6 years
I would suggest to reframe your ouwn thoughts, being ugly and unique are two different things. Have you ever seen an ugly/not so attractive super model and yet she's a super model. Your image is what you are pojecting to the world, don't let yourself caught up in what you think the world (only people you knew) thought about you. And much to the look, guys who are only after physical look to be with you aren't worth to keep at all. Be grateful you have that power to prove it, no more wasting time through trial and errors with guys.. When you're young it's natural for wanting to get through things easily, but believe me the best result comes from doing itright instead of just easy.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
There is someone for everyone. I'm old enough to know and I've seen it all. You'll meet someone special someday. Don't ever be sad or give up hope. What you wrote is the best thing you can do for now. And remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Ashley868 Ashley868 7 years
This is the poster of this confession. I just wanted to than everyone for replying and the advice. I also wanted to say that I've been getting called ugly since I was 12, and I've been spending all those years trying to improve my face so people will stop. I noticed some people said guys probably don't like me because I am negative, but I keep all of the negativity to myself. I've got plenty of people who like me because they think I am fun to be with, including guys. I just don't have guys who want to date me. I do go out and try to meet guys, and I use online dating sites, but it hasn't worked. So that's why I am just going to stop looking and worry about my money, and I also just want to enjoy being young while I can.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
I'm way behind, but I have to say, I mostly agree with SKG and SKD. I don't think you need to necessarily be actively pursuing relationships, but you do need to go out and pursue your interests or go out often to bars, etc. that you like with other friends. If you like a particular sports team, find out where that team's backers meet in your city, find one friend to go with you, and go there to watch the games and mingle. If Habitat for Humanity has always interested you, start volunteering there; you'll meet great people that way. You can find a relationship in the same way you can find friends; just find people with common interests and put yourself out there. If you that, it will happen for you. If you feel like that's not working, try something a little more aggressive, like online dating or speed dating. Also, although I doubt you're that unattractive, do you think it's possible that you're passing up potential mates because you don't find them attractive? Of course you want to be attracted to the person you're with, but people tend to date people who are at a similar level of attractiveness to them. (Of course there are exceptions, but as a general rule.) I had a friend who wasn't unattractive, but who was kind of plain looking, but when plain looking guys approached her she didn't want to date them because they weren't good looking enough. Eventually she found a guy, but it took her a long time to figure out that maybe she wasn't meant to date a drop-dead gorgeous man. (I know that sounds harsh, but it's true!)
Hollywoodjess Hollywoodjess 7 years
i'm 22...and i have never been in a relationship and I have worn my heart on my sleeve with nothing in return. I look at it this way. for every guy out there who doesn't like you--so what--there is someone out there who will. You just haven't found him yet. Maybe you think you like these guys but in reality, you probably won't have something in common with them. Who wants to be tied down to someone who can't carry on a conversation with you about your interests and belief's. So, he may be good looking; however, that doesn't mean there is anything going on upstairs. In the mean time, you are allotted this wonderful opportunity to know yourself. Find out what it is YOU want in life as well as your love life. You have time to do great things like travel, work hard, get your life started, have hobbies, etc. When the time is right, love will knock on your door. the idea of being in relationships and typically married by 23 is embellished much by movies and religion. I have friends who have been married since 20....and they are just now learning their inconsistencies. I'm okay with my single-ness. I enjoy it. It's free range to come and go as I please in life...and your sex life if your business.
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
yeah, with anon 26, do not go to hooters!! most of the other advice is spot on, i doubt seriously that you are "ugly" you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone to love what you have to offer. i really hope that you learn to be confident and comfortable in your own body, exercise helps a lot, it's not just getting tone but there's something about the endorphins that are released during a workout, try something fun like kick boxing, i'm sure it will help!. on a side note anon 26 r u seeing anyone? if not, look up my profile so we can chat ;)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
Hahahahaha and don't take the Hooters advice.
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
stop being negative. that alone will increase your chances tenfold
b1uebunn b1uebunn 7 years
I agree with other posters that said you need to do things that make you feel great. Do you have any talents? Painting? Singing? Maybe you should take a class and just build up your confidence. Men don't respond to sadness and being down on yourself. You don't want to be cocky, but just be confident. And really, have you seen some couples? Some people are definitely not attractive and have others. I don't know what you look like, but I guarantee you can find someone. You need to take care of yourself (inside and out), and exude confidence and awesomeness. I hope you find your niche for yourself, and then the suitors will come! Don't lose heart!
NinaSuzana NinaSuzana 7 years
hahaha...!u make me feel old coz...only 23 worrying about not having a boyfriend.............?Dats part n parcel of life stop worrying still young...why don't u join hooters restaurant and they trained u well on how to make men fall at your feet not even knees.I was worried when i was the only single lady among my friends...i joined hooters at really changed after fully trained its jus your personality that guys fall for.......try this..:)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
Your post is so full of negativity that I feel like it could be a major reason you're having such a hard time. Confidence truly shines through. I have been around good-looking guys that are very lacking in the confidence department and then there's the guys that may not be the best looking, but they come straight up to you and look you right in eye and you're like, "This guy has got game, and I'm diggin' it!" You're feeling ugly and are so low on your physical looks that you're blaming it for being unable to find a worthwhile guy. Confidence, girl! Walk with your back straight and your head held high. There's plenty of unattractive people that still date (which I'm not using as an excuse to call you ugly-- I think that might all be in your head). The key is getting out there and testing the waters. You can't just sit around and expect life to fall in your lap. It's really good that you want to focus on finances and fun. That's awesome. Build up a little confidence while you do that and you'll catch someone's eye. You'll probably catch a few eyes! Being a confident, financially stable young woman is very attractive :)
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I agree with most posters above. Don't worry about it. When the time is right, it will happen. In the meantime, focus on other matters in your life. At 23 years old, I'm certain there other important areas you can apply your attention. Career? Grad school? Friends? Hobbies? Stop focusing on what you DON'T have. Work on what you DO have. Also, this may sound controversial, but I think it's important that you love yourself first (before anybody can really love you, and for you to love someone back). This means STOP the negative self-talk (such as ". . . I am always rejected by guys because I am not pretty . . . "). You may not be the prettiest woman, but believe you're still a good person, worthwhile of a good relationship. Be the love of your life, and I think everything else will fall into place. JMHO.
reesiecup reesiecup 7 years
Has some one actually come up to you and told you that you are ugly or that "it's just your face" that you need to work on now? I feel that if that is not the case, you are likely being wayyy too hard on yourself. Men, albiet very visual and often superficial creatures, are not all that superficial. Looks may serve as an initial attractor, but in the end, intellect and personality seals the deal. It sounds like you are highly motivated to be successful and financially independent. Start focusing on the positive attributes of yourself: Are you really proud of your smile? Your skin? Your skills sets? Your sense of humor? It's not uncommon to have at least one incidence of falling for a close guy friend in one's life. I've had that happen numerous times. It's tough. I remember how crushed I was when he started dating my best friend. But you know what? I eventually moved on and they both moved on. Later on, he changed and has been described as a complete jerk. So maybe you can consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to date your best guy friend only to find out that he's a jerk and lost all respect for him. Thirdly, 23 is not that old. I have friends who are older than you and have never even been on a date. It's okay! Don't let the societal pressures make you feel like a genetic anomaly or failure. Maybe you need to branch out from your current circle of friends. Visit other cities. Join a club. Volunteer. Train for a marathon. You can meet new people and maybe learn more about yourself. I feel that you a little boost from positive people who can tell you how unique you are. Lastly, don't be afraid to wait and let love find its way to you. It'll be so much sweeter. And please don't give up on love. Finding it is not always as easy as it's portrayed on film or in books. It takes more than 2.5 hours or 300 pages... Best of luck!
bryseana bryseana 7 years
First of all, 23 is very young. It's a little early to be throwing in the towel. I remember reading that Brooke Shields didn't have her first relationship until she was 22 and she's considered one of the most beautiful women ever. A lot of attraction has to do with chemistry more than anything else. We interact with thousands of people throughout our lives with only a special few making it into our hearts. It must go beyond the physical - there's a chemistry you just feel with some people.
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