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Sunday Confessional — I'm Thinking About Having an Abortion

Sunday Confessional — I'm Thinking About Having an Abortion

I'm engaged to be married to a wonderful man who I love dearly. He's currently in medical school and we are spending every last bit of our savings to have the wedding of our dreams. We talk openly about our future, especially when it comes to starting a family of our own, and we decided that we'd wait until he's done with school and his residency, and once we've saved a significant chunk of money. Our wedding is just two months away and I thought my period was late due to the wedding stress, but I was wrong — I'm pregnant.

Having a baby is not something I'm ready for, and it's definitely not the right time for my fiance either, so I'm seriously contemplating having an abortion. I don't know how he's going to react to this news, which is why part of me wants to not even tell him at all. I know that starting our marriage off with a lie is wrong, but could I be forgiven for terminating this pregnancy without telling him? If he doesn't know, will it not hurt him?


b1uebunn b1uebunn 8 years
Having the abortion is totally your decision, but you REALLY need to tell him what you're going to do. Do not lie to him about this. Also, you will want the support of the person you love most in the world.
watereatsrock watereatsrock 8 years are going to marry someone but,you dont know what type of reaction he would have to hearing you are pregnant? I guess now is a better time than any to find out.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
Just speaking for myself, I am old (as in my productive system), if I have an abortion now, I may never have a child so putting myself in your shoe, even if your finance was to suggest abortion. I personally won't because there is always a possibility that I can't never have another child and children is very important to me in my life. Men, come and go, but a child is a permanent relationship that I desire to have for life in this lifetime.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 8 years
Look, the father has to know. A lie like that could destroy your marriage. Please talk about it with your fiance and try to come to a decision together. I wish you all the best and you are not a bad person for contemplating getting an abortion.
purple-rose purple-rose 8 years
i'm not judging you at all,but i say that this is not a simple decision like"what color for bridesmaids dresses"...this involves 3 human lives ;yours,his and the unborn child. i am prolife. it took 2 of you to make this beautiful little baby and that baby was conceived for a reason,you have other options if you think it would be too much of financial burden to have and raise your child. i have 3 children,and desperatly want another baby,sadly enough,i'm unable to get pregnant,and carry another child due to health reasons.all i'm saying is their are millions of people who wait many years to adopt a child,bc they can't have one of their own...i would discuss this with my fiancee and both of you go through whatever you both decide together,just remember life isn't ever promised to anyone,but to kill an innocent baby just because it isn't the right time?God forbid,but what if one day he's coming home from work and dies in an auto accident or something and you have nothing left,but memeories,he name will not be carried on if you do this with/without telling him,could you honestly live with yourself then? i apologize if i'm being harsh,i'm just trying to say that every child conceived deserves a chance to be brought into this world and loved...please pray about this issue with God...i beg of you not to end this innocent little baby's life because it's not the right time...everything happens for a reason and your baby has a purpose picked out for him/her already..give it a chance.i wish ya'll all the best and my prayers are with you and all people involved,especially the baby.God bless you and i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
divinedebris divinedebris 8 years
Tell him! If you keep the baby, if you abort it, it doesn't matter but you do need to tell him. A marriage is a partnership, it's a team and both of you need to be working together so he needs to know. It's tough and sucks but you need to woman up and talk about it. And then get on the pill.
vvvalerie vvvalerie 8 years
I'm not opposed to the abortion, but you really need to tell him. Talk to him about it, and you two can discuss your options and you can tell him how you feel about it, and he can give his opinion. By the sounds of it, he may share your views anyway, so why would you hide it from him?
StacyD75 StacyD75 8 years
You definitely need to discuss with him first! Make sure he knows about the baby - most definitely - that would eat away at you for the rest of your life - and you will look at children way differently too! Its like you will keep seeing kids that are the same age yours 'would've been' - wow - this is a very big deal, even if you aren't ready - think of how many of us wouldn't be walking this earth because our moms weren't exactly ready... I'm sorry if I sound very passionate - -but I lost a baby to SIDS - and she would've been 12 this coming May - my firstborn daughter -- so please discuss and you decide whats best for you in the end....but I vote you give this baby a chance - don't make that decision for them! God Bless!
superjules superjules 8 years
What is it with a bunch of strangers who have never walked in this woman's shoes telling her what is forgivable and unforgivable? Never pass judgment on anyone until you know exactly what they are going through and since you can't.... shut it!
Matdredalia Matdredalia 8 years
Not forgive, under any circumstances. If I were a man, there is no way in hell I could ever forgive my wife for having an abortion and taking away my child without even letting me know it existed. Not only no, but hell no. As a wife, there is no way in hell I could lie to my husband like that. That's basically saying your marriage is worth nothing to you because you refuse to treat it with the honesty and respect you are promising to put into it. And speaking from of my best friends (who is also my ex boyfriend) was in the same position your fiance' is in. He was engaged to a young woman, they had a bright future, she had an abortion behind his back and told him a few weeks before the wedding. He still hasn't forgiven her, or himself. As a matter of fact, four years AFTER that fact when he and I were together, he had so many issues because of it, that's what ended our relationship (which was a pretty damn good one). It is now 10 years after all of that --- and he's STILL mourning the baby he never got to know. Like it or not, whether it's your body or not, it's his child, too. I don't think men should be able to tell women TO have an abortion or NOT to have an abortion, but if any man is willing to stand by you, and 9 chances out of 10, by this child, he sure as hell should have some right to say so, ESPECIALLY if he's going to be your husband.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 8 years
this ISN'T a difficult situation. it's shitty, but not difficult. You ABSOLUTELY have to talk to your fiance. If he's the one you want to marry and have children with in the future then you positively NEED to speak with him on this. Abortions will change you, and if he doesn't understand what's going on it will put some serious strains on your marraige.
clareberrys clareberrys 8 years
I had an abortion when I was 19 and I told my boyfriend and he not only helped me feel better about my decision beforehand, but he helped me pay for it (it is about $300) was there for me on that day, drove me home afterwards, babied me while I was still in physical pain and was ALWAYS there for me when there was emotional pain. I don't think this is a forgive/not forgive situation. I think for your own mental stability you should tell him that you feel strongly about having an abortion, talk it through with him, give him a chance to voice how he feels and then if you do go through with it, it will make your relationship that much stronger. You are going to need someone to lean on when you are crying (because there will be tears) and someone to help you realize that it's okay to not feel bad about it anymore (because others will tell you that you will always feel guilty and regret it). Believe me, the aftermath won't be easy, you might want to see a therapist or a counselor, but you are not going to go crazy or go into a deep depression and you are most likely not going to kill yourself (like one poster said) unless of course you have some previous history of mental illness. Good luck with everything. Please feel free to PM me if you would like because I know that MANY (MOST) women on here are 100% biased and 100% judgmental and that is NOT what you need right now. Take care =)
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
Talk to him...
staple-salad staple-salad 8 years
Tell him! It might be your body, but it's his baby too. If he got pregnant and terminated it without telling you, how would you feel? You'd probably be very angry and upset and frustrated that he got rid of your baby without you knowing. And if you can't make a decision like this together, how do you expect to have a sucessful marriage when your communication obviously needs work? Discuss it together. Though, as to whether to get the abortion or not (with your fiance's consent), I support you there. The world is a difficult place, especially with economies fluctuating they way they do. You have to think of the baby. I know that if I got pregnant in my situation (college student working in food service and living in the dorms), I'd talk it out with my boyfriend, and ultimately I think we'd go for an abortion. It would be cruel to the child to raise them in the conditions we'd have to, and I know that I personally wouldn't be able to stand having a baby and seeing him or her shipped off to another family, and then having to live the rest of my life knowing that I had a son or daughter out there somewhere and not knowing anything about him or her.
lkaybe lkaybe 8 years
you should defiantly discuss it with him...its his baby too. but don't sell yourself short there are other options out there it doesn't have to be abortion as this will affect you for the rest of your life especially if you plan on having a family one day. what about adoption there are so many couples wanting to have a family and cant. at least with this your not killing your baby but providing for him/her with a loving family ... before you make a decision ask yourself if you could live with yourself if you baby never saw the light of day:( p.s. if you and you fiancé are in love as i'm sure you are...your getting married...well in marriage you work things out together .... start you marriage off right.
Calimie Calimie 8 years
I'm definitely pro-choice but I voted not-forgive because if you are going to *marry* someone you need to trust them with something as big as this. He needs to know and give his opinion. After that, you might still want the abortion but his reaction might surprise you and make you change your mind. Still, he has the right to know. He isn't a random date, he's your future husband, if you respect him, you have to tell him.
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
You definitely need to tell your fiance what is going on. To keep that from him will basically sabotage any chance of your marriage lasting, because it will be based on a lie, and a pretty terrible one at that. I 100% feel that it is a woman's choice what she does with her body, but you are entering into a marriage, and being honest with your partner is the most sincere, respectful and caring thing you can do if you truly want your marriage to work out. I would also add that since you are ready for marriage, you may be ready for a child sooner in your life than you expect, and terminating this pregnancy could be something you regret for the rest of your life. I still regret my abortion 11 years later, especially when I look into the eyes of my baby nephew and realize what a blessing a child would have been in my life. The baby you are carrying a product of the love that you and your husband have for one another. Please go to counseling, meditate or pray (if you are religious) before you make this decision. If I had had a stable relationship in which to raise my child, I would have never have done what I did. It really hurts when you look back at what could have been, much more than you would ever expect it to. I hope that you make the right decision for you and your partner, good luck.:)
samischo samischo 8 years
I don't know if anybody else said this, but he might actually notice that you haven't had your period in a while. But I think you should tell him just because he is going to be your husband. How can you marry him if you can't tell him things like this?
gidigirl gidigirl 8 years
You seem to have decided that you are not ready for this child.. And also that the timimg is wrong for your fiance.. So what is the problem? Why are you weary of telling him that you are pregnant? Did you forget to take your pill? Did something happen that makes you feel that you are more responsible for your condition than he is? Because you know ..It takes two.. You didn't get pregnant on your own! I know that you have your plans laid out.. but life often doesn't go according to plan.. So this is the first(perhaps)dilemma that you are facing together.. This might be a great oppurtunity to see how well the two of you resolve issues as a team.. Cant you trust him enough to work through this together? Besides, if he were to find out about this in the future.. There will be hurt and anger and a sneaking suspicion that you didn't tell him BECAUSE it wasnt HIS child... Why introduce unneccessary lies and doubt into your lives?
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 8 years
talk to your hubby to be. decide together. It might mean giving up the big wedding, but you could work around it. But the key is to talk to your man!
LaserEM LaserEM 8 years
As one who is also trying to scrape money together for a wedding while being in professional school (except it's me not my fiance that's still in school) I can definitely empathize with the amount of financial stress you must be under. Regardless of what you choose to do about the baby, it would be wrong to start a life together with a big lie. The truth has a way of always coming out and it's always better to be honest. If you were to hide this from your fiance and he somehow found out later, it could mean the end of your marriage, after all this is his child too. I can't begin to imagine how hard this decision must be for you and it would be a shame for you to bear this responsibility alone.
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