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Sunday Confessional: My Husband Caught Me Masturbating

"My Husband Caught Me Masturbating: Should I Forgive Him?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband and I have been having a less than happening sex life lately. You see, he just got this new job where he has an hour and a half commute each way, so he has to get up really early in the morning, which means that he also goes to bed earlier than me, so we're on completely different schedules.

The other night, I was taking a late night bath, and I figured it'd be the perfect time to pleasure myself. Normally I don't need to do this, since my husband and I used to have sex at least twice a week, but it had been a couple weeks so I turned off the lights, lit a candle, and got out my waterproof vibrator. I was really careful not to make a noise (I even had it on the lowest setting), but I guess my husband heard. He came into the bathroom, turned on the light and said, "Having fun in there?"

I screamed. I was mortified. I couldn't believe he walked in on me, and then to make matters worse, made a joke about it. I wouldn't even need to be using that device at all if he and I were having sex! Why didn't he just take the hint and join me instead of making that obnoxious comment?

I can't even think about having sex with him right now. I'm slightly embarrassed, but mostly just mad. Should I forgive him for this?

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Join The Conversation
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
did he even know what she was doing? if the tub was full with water, then maybe he only saw the candles and thought it was odd and made a joke about it. And since he didn't mention any specific activity, maybe he just thought that his wife was just trying to relax with a hot tub and candle lights... I think if he knew what she was doing, then we would have probably got turned on and joined her, or just disappear and apologize for walking in. Just a thought.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
LOL it was so harmless! Don't even worry about it! He made a joke! Most guys get pretty turned on thinking about their girl masturbating. Relax. =)
onesong onesong 9 years
omg, i would kill him. i don't blame you at ALL for being angry and you s hould tell him exactly what you told us. punch him in the eye! (not really, but ya know. sometimes it makes you feel better to think "PUNCH HIM IN THE EYE!")
godsgirl godsgirl 9 years
just take it!
coddswaddle coddswaddle 9 years
Sounds like he was just being playful, albeit in a juvenile way. No harm (except to your pride a bit) no foul. Forgive. Then try walking in on him.
bubbles540 bubbles540 9 years
so he caught you... you can't be mad at your husband forever. maybe you should talk to him about why you did it and tell him that you want more alone time with him.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 9 years
uh hello, Guys think that's hot. yeah it'd be embarrassing as all hell, but he's not being an ass. besides, all you have to ddo if you feel personally attacked is point out that he's the one who hasn't had sex with you in a while, and that if you're not getting the real thing, you can substitute.
LaLa0428 LaLa0428 9 years
Forgive? Call me crazy, but why didn't you get him to join you.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
He is probably just jealous that you took matters in to your own hands! (no pun intended....lol).
barjar1122 barjar1122 9 years
I think you are the one with the issue. Why are you embarrassed or upset with him? Why would you even have the instruments if they werent for use? Being mad at him is ridiculous. Jump his bones and you do all the work. He may welcome it.
StefaPie StefaPie 9 years
oh, get over it. men joke about masturbation constantly, it means nothing more than he had an opportunity for a masturbation joke.
merymery merymery 9 years
I think he's probably embarrassed that he's not satisfying you the way he used to. Why don't you spice things up a bit - rent a hotel for a weekend, or pull him into bed the second he walks through the door?
ginghamgirl ginghamgirl 9 years
dont make such a big deal about getting caught. sure, you are embarrassed, but really, theres no need to fret. he is a guy. seeing you pleasuring yourself probably even turned him on. ;)
RadNessa RadNessa 9 years
Oh booo, he was must having fun! I'm sure he thought it was hot. Forgive him, that wasn't a bad situation. Go back into the tub, have him rub your back, and take your little vibrating friend along with you... make it a real fun time.
Emiily Emiily 9 years
wiciltd, damn girl! 4 times a day :) it's awesome that you guys have sex so much though, my boyfriend and i do too. it's really nice. so more power to you! i masturbate maybe once or twice every other week. i have sex 6 times a week though. 3 times a day, twice a week. so it's not an everyday thing. just an all nighter when we get together. if we were together every night it'd be seven days a week, yikes!
Lily-Inferno Lily-Inferno 9 years
If hes a husband and not just a bf why are you embarassed about sexing yourself up? If you cant be close enough to share things like that well then why be married? Communication is the key here. You want sex, let him know. And instead of taking the comment as a rude and obnoxious thing, you yourself should have passed it on in an obvious manner that you needed "help". Forgive even though there is nothing to forgive. It happens.
aistea311 aistea311 9 years
you shouldnt feel embarrased at all for pleasuring yourself. It doesnt matter what your sex life is like if you know what gets you satifisfied so dont feel bad about it. yeah he said "having fun" but a lot of guys get turned on by their girls doing stuff so dont be mad at him for enjoying it.
blondewithbangs blondewithbangs 9 years
I think its weird that he didnt jump right in or that YOU didnt say "yeah im having fun, but id have more fun if you were in here with me" or something like that. Something seems to be off in your communication.
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
Totally forgivable, he's horny too. Instead of being embarrassed, why not one night before he gets home take a bath, put his fave sexy thing on, and light candles (a few so he can see everything). When he gets in, call him into the bedroom, whip out the vibe and give him a show, making all the noise you want. Because all he wants to do is watch you. In fact, I bet it is one of his fantasies and you taking control will alleviate any feelings of shyness or embarrassment you have about making your body feel good. Trust me, this will serve as not only a reminder to him about how hot his wife is, but also to make time for more sex with hot wife. P.S. if you want to continue the 'in control' thing, totally throw him on the bed after the vibe and take him, like more wildly than you ever have before. When your sex life starts to lag, sometimes you have to switch it up... this will get him to drool just thinking about you once again.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
He probably didn't join you because you screamed when he came in! He probably came in hoping to start something, and said the comment as a joke to break the ice, but didn't get the response he was hoping for. I say just forget about it, and maybe figure out some time to spend with your husband, even with the busy schedules.
Marci Marci 9 years
I don't see anything here that needs to be forgiven at all. This is how it goes. Sometimes people's schedules mess up their sex lives and so we have to take matters into our own hands, so to speak. I can understand being embarrassed, but I think your husband may have felt awkward too, thus the comment. He probably just didn't know what to say or do. I say, let it go and make the moves on your husband. And this makes me realize it might not be a bad idea to post an article I have about Synchronizing Sex. It's topical and was an eye opener for me.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
It's your body, nothing to feel bad about. As for him, keep it light and joke right back at him.;)
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