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Sunday Confessional: My Sister-in-Law Won't Speak to Me

Sunday Confessional: My Sister-in-Law Won't Speak to Me

Dear Sugar--

I have a serious problem. My sister-in-law and her husband were looking for an apartment and my husband volunteered our home for one week until they could find one. This one week has turned into 3 excruciatingly long months and they still haven't found a place yet.

These 3 months might seem like no big deal, but they have felt like an eternity to me. It was fun in the beginning, and I know they really appreciate it, but it's gotten beyond annoying. They're always around and my husband and I are newlyweds and are desperately craving our privacy.

Having them around has also caused many arguments between my husband and I. He's frustrated that they're here, but since they're family he won't say anything even though it's clear they have overstayed their welcome. Well the other morning, I just couldn't take it anymore and my frustration got the best of me. I came down for breakfast and she had eaten the last 2 eggs that I was saving to make pancakes. I admittedly snapped and blurted out a bunch of stuff I shouldn't have said.

She got really upset and started crying (she's very emotional), and we both stormed out of the room. They were gone by the time I came home from work, but I found this really nasty note saying that she thought she could count on us and that family isn't supposed to let you down. She said she felt like I was insensitive, unloving, and selfish.

I feel a little guilty but also feel like we were more than hospitable to them. I've tried calling to check up on them, but she won't answer her cell phone and refuses to return my messages. Should I be forgiven for blowing my top and basically kicking them out?

Source

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lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
100% forgive because as long as you were all clear that it was just supposed to be a couple weeks from the beginning...she WAY overstayed her welcome and then overreacted. it would have been better to sit down adn talk to her, but something tells me she would have reacted to that similarly. shes probably just stressed out but just wait it out and shell come around.
tinyspark tinyspark 10 years
Honey, the only mistake you made was not kicking them out earlier. Forgiven. :)
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
i would have freaked out at 3 weeks, much less 3 months. they took advantage of you plain and simple. you just need to get them out and patch it up.
Jeng112 Jeng112 10 years
P.S. They came for a four day visit in May, and never even asked if they could move in until they found a place.
Jeng112 Jeng112 10 years
I'm in the same situation, but I hate my brother-in-law with a passion. I've blown up more than once at him, but they are STILL HERE! If you are ok with your husband, then don't worry about it. You could have handled it better, but in the end, they were mooching, and obviously not picking up on the fact that they had overstayed their welcome.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Forgive. They completely took advantage of the situation and used the but we are family reasoning. Family or not they were incredibly rude. It clearly is not that hard to find a place if they were able to find one in a day. You all should have sat down when the week was up and come up with a better game plan when it was evident they had not found a place.
Greggie Greggie 10 years
Forgive, and... Your husband needs to tackle this issue head on. It's his family, it's his responsibility to clear things up. They've overstayed their welcome by WEEKS, and need to be told. I probably would've lost it a lot sooner than you did.
amybdk amybdk 10 years
Makes my blood boil just thinking about it... 3 MONTHS! How on earth did you handle that? I bet your blood pressure is out the roof! Forgive!
SugarFreak SugarFreak 10 years
FORGIVE! There is not even an issue. Honestly, all of the things she said you were (unloving, insensitive, etc.) should be applied to them! First of all, have we not heard of the word RENT? There are plenty of month-to-month rentals out there...look into them. Whether you are family or not,staying three MONTHS when you gave them one week is unreasonable and unquestionably selfish on their part--especially since you are newlyweds. Could you have talked to her sooner about your feelings, sure. BUT, why should you have to? After staying at ANYONE's home for three months any adult with common sense should realize, hey I think it's time for us to look for alternative housing. After you snapped at her, clearly they were able to go somewhere right? So why couldn't they have gone there sooner? I think they got comfortable using your home as a safety net. I want to know who actually said NOT FORGIVE? What is there not to forgive?
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 10 years
Forgive- your a saint for sheltering them as long as you have! Plus, they are bordering the line of 'out of line' for taking advantage of your welcome invite anyway...
Cynnie Cynnie 10 years
I chose forgive because they totally took advantage of you and your husband. They should of realized that they completly overstayed their welcome. It just surprises me that you didn't burst any sooner lol...
alltherage alltherage 10 years
i agree you shouldnt have let the problem fester for so long. but everyone including me has been guilty of that -- esp when it comes to family keeping the peace can become a little too important. that said TOTALLY forgiveable. your sister in law should be grateful. and understanding of your blow up. you did nothing wrogn in that sense.
lolany lolany 10 years
Forgive! And She needs to apologize, not you! Ok, my opinion: 3 MONTHS? That's crazy and incredibly selfish. I would never but a burden like that on anyone, not even family. It comes to no surprise to me that you lost it? So what? Aren't you allowed to have feelings about this? They could have gotten a furnished place (and should have) or something else other than staying at your place a long time ago. And I agree they are taking advantage of you, plain and simple. Now if it were me, I'd kick just about anyone out after 6 weeks. Sorry, I need my privacy!
Clarishi Clarishi 10 years
Definetly forgive! She is the selfish one... they were totally taking advantage of you... Family is NOT supposed to do that.. I would have done the same thing you did honey!
sparklestar sparklestar 10 years
Forgive! The way in which you went about asking her to leave was not IDEAL but that cannot be helped now. Your husband should have taken matters into his own hands and dealt with this around about.. the 1 and a half month mark. =) Three months in your home and you are newlyweds? I think she needs to take a look at herself if she is leaving nasty notes around about how selfish YOU are when it is HER that is just projecting that behaviour onto you. I would call in your husbands parents to deal with this personally, it seems to have turned very playground. =P
patrice888 patrice888 10 years
Hi, I'm new member here .. But, reading your story, I cannot stop myself from commenting. It is very selfish of her, to overstaying for 3 months, in the first place. And, to finish it that way, it is unthinkable.
ducks ducks 10 years
She's probably overreacting because she knows they took advantage of you. What's worse allowing family to infringe on you or doing the infringing? :0) I'd forgive you.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 10 years
Definately forgive! It seems a bit immature of your sister in law to refuse to talk to you after you've let her live with you fro 3 months! Maybe after she calms down you can have a rational talk to her about the situation.
CeliaAgnes CeliaAgnes 10 years
What made them think they would find a new home in a week? forgive! you are INCREDIBLY sweet for allowing them to stay as long as they did. I have a rough time hosting a guest for a week! And as nessabaum said, the conflict in your marriage is unacceptable. They will surely come around. I imagine you have already tried this, but if you haven't do a little house searching of your own? Check a few places online and maybe send them your suggestions? It might help to show them that you DO care that they find a home.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
forgive. they stayed for way too long and even though they're family, it's your home, too. you have your own things to deal with and you're only related to them by marriage. she needs to realize that she's the one who needs to respect you because she is your space and even causing conflict in your marriage and that you're newlyweds.
OldSchooler OldSchooler 10 years
She should promptly forgive you with absolutely no coercion. Nobody gets in the way of the woman of the house and her pancakes! That's certainly how I feel Saturday mornings.
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 10 years
Forgive, of course! You probably said some bad things to her, but they should not have stayed for three months in the first place. So she's not speaking to you? Well, you had to speak to her everyday for three months....enjoy it while you can! Hello, how were they able to find a place in one day after all? It's too bad your hubby volunteered your place. I bet he will think twice in the future. It's sad that his own sister will take advantage of her brother's (and his new wife's) hospitality. Normal people would not do that. "insensitive, unloving, and selfish"...she sounds like a drama queen. Stop trying to call her & stop worrying about it. She will just have to grow up on her own time.
Vannuccia Vannuccia 10 years
Of course forgive! You did absolutely nothing wrong!
amers230 amers230 10 years
i'd say you're definitely in the right here, although everyone is at least a little to blame. you probably should have all sat down together to talk about what was going on, but you're reaction was probably the exact same thing i'd do so no judgement here :) i'd say write her a note card, explain that you didn't mean to explode at her, that you were just frustrated with the situation and you wish it would have come out better. i'd make it clear that you're just apologizing for the way you yelled at them, not for anything else. hopefully this will all just blow over. and yeah, i'm baffled at how they could move out in a day after not finding a place for three months. did they just move in with someone else? sorry, but that's just lazy. i can't even fathom that, i HATE feeling like i've overstayed my welcome.
Highball Highball 10 years
"Someone who's taken advantage of you for the last three months won't talk to you and has moved out? Lucky you!" Agree, but little is gained from keeping the heat on. Right now you’re the bit-h, and you shouldn't be. They are gone now, so ?? the real problem is over. Just get the monkey off your back and get this behind you. You can be humble without being meek and apologize to your husband, as it’s his family that is the problem and your new marriage is the important thing. Ask him if you should apologize to his sis-in-law, as you didn’t mean to hurt her fragile ego in the first place, ?? and after three months this was your ONLY confrontation. You have the patience of Jude, or is that Jobe or ? Forgive and forget, move on with important things.
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