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Sunday Confessional: Is it OK to not Call him Back?

I met this guy a few months ago -- he seemed pretty cool and we had a great time together, but things ended up going south pretty soon after we met. He was very aggressive and persistent, and while I was incredibly flattered at first, it started to become extremely overbearing and tiresome. I began to distance myself but he continued to call me, text me and e-mail me. I am not one for confrontation so I avoided all of his advances like the plague and never returned his calls, e-mails or texts. I HATE when guys do that to me, just drop off the face of the earth with no explanation, but I am doing the exact same thing to this guy. I know that I shouldn't feel bad about not reciprocating his feelings, but I do feel bad about ignoring the situation even though I have no desire to contact him, let alone date him or spend time with him. Is what I am doing a complete double standard or is it forgivable since guys do it to girls all the time?


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calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
u dont like confrontations. its understandable and that guy should get a hint. its totally forgivable. u said that hes aggressive and shit. but if he doesnt get a clue, just msg him and tell him that ure not interested. just one msg. if he continues to call and stuff, ignore.
trixiefire trixiefire 9 years
Sure, he should be able to take a hint, but you should also be mature enough to stand up and say firmly, "I am not interested, please stop contacting me." Man up, grow a pair, even if you are a women. Just because guys do it all the time is no excuse--we have to rise above that behavior, no tit for tat eye for eye bs, if we ever expect them to change. Hold yourself, and others, to a higher standard for behavior, by being an example.
onesong onesong 9 years
totally forgivable. reminds me of this guy i met at a bar--i woke up the next day so so sick with strep throat, then ended up getting the flu, after both of which i ended up in the hospital for dehydration, over a three week period. during all of this he called NONSTOP--he would wake me up by calling my phone at midnight and then again at 730 was AWFUL. by the time it was all over there was NO WAY i was ever going to call him back. i told him i was sick, my MOM told him i was sick (i was home from college and he found my house number and called that!). some guys are just scarily persistent and don't take no for an answer. forget about him!
alltherage alltherage 9 years
i would tell him you are not interested. but i understand if you cant. as said, guys do it all the time not that it makes it ok. but seriousyl if he hasnt gotten the clue by now....
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
When I was younger and very inmature I did that quite a lot when I wanted to break up with guys -- just ignore and eventually they go away.(just casual daters btw not relationships). Forgivable but immature behavior. You should be able to tell someone I am sorry I do not want to go out with you again because of blah, blah, blah. You said you dated this guy for over a month, you should have the cojones to tell him that you are no longer interested and why. They got feelings just like you.
LolaDub LolaDub 9 years
hey if guys can do why cant we?..but what goes does come around
apsara1 apsara1 9 years
You're forgiven. Not because "guys do it to girls all the time" which isn't a good reason but because he's a freaking stalker. You've tried to be nice about it, and now it's time to go silent.
brdwaystarlett brdwaystarlett 9 years
Forgiven. We've all been there.
bizzybee bizzybee 9 years
Forgive. Some people really just don't listen. I know. I've been there. I've done the courtesy call and they still persisted. And then they persisted a little more. Some men get what they want by pressuring and being pushy. Maybe next time you can try to assert yourself honestly and work on taking a firm stance for yourself.
Mantis Mantis 9 years
Sorry, but not forgiven. You said it yourself, you hate when guys do that to you. Why? Cause you end up having no clue of what you did wrong and the worst part is that you probably keep doing it afterwards because nobody told you to stop! So just call the guy and tell him thanks but no thanks. What´s the worst that could happen? He won´t stop calling you, and in that case, you can ignore him with your conscience clear! Good luck!
designerel designerel 9 years
i say forgive. if a guy is that overbearing and makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to speak to him if you don't want to. it may seem harsh, but sometimes they just don't get the message and this should send a pretty clear message that you don't want to keep in touch at all.
noelleteresa noelleteresa 9 years
boo on that douche.
omfg7891 omfg7891 9 years
i think that it's not fair 2 do something 2 guys that u hate them doing 2 u, it's just being hypocritical.
paulinhadrp paulinhadrp 9 years
Totally forgivable. Not for girl revenge or anything... I believe you could give him a hint, showing you're not interested in a polite way, but I think that this is a big enough hint for him to just forget about it... it's not like you guys had a long term relationship anyways...
Stella_Estrella Stella_Estrella 10 years
Forgivable, but since you're feeling guilty, just tell him you are not interested and to stop contacting you.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 10 years
I kind of understand that you don't want the 'confrontation,' hence you decide to just not return calls. I've done that thing in the past, and yes, it's more common than what people think in dating. It's really up to you if you want to let him know why you decide to not see him anymore. And action speaks louder than words, so he should get a hint, if not, wow, I'm confused. For me, as long as it's dating, it's still forgivable, but if you guys are an item, you'd better step up and let him know that you're not interested in seeing him anymore..because...(reason/excuse inserts here)
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 10 years
Don;t play games if you don't want games played on you.... if you aren't interested then tell him just that in plain english and if he still doesn't get the hint avoid his calls... and if that doesn't work look into a restraining order... ha
jaxon jaxon 10 years
I say forgive b/c most times when a guy does it it's not b/c the woman is acting threatening and displaying stalker tendancies. his persistance and aggressiveness are warning signs. It's better to just disappear b/c talking to him might wrap u back up.
LaLaLaurie06 LaLaLaurie06 10 years
the guy should take a hint
auddie auddie 10 years
Totally forgivable. It's not the nicest way to go about things, but you don't owe this guy a huge explanation or anything. I agree with junebrug, actions can speak a whole lot louder than words sometimes.
sass317 sass317 10 years
Totally forgivable- he seems like the kind of guy that would think any further communication is a opportunity to try to convince you to see him again. Stay away from him.
junebrug junebrug 10 years
Some of these ladies are getting silly with their righteousness. Men always stop speaking to women when they're not interested, because they don't want to feel like assholes by making a "big thing" of it. Men don't listen to words anyway, they listen to actions. Not contacting him anymore is the clearest signal you could send. If he still doesn't get it after weeks, he somehow missed the social conditioning of our generation. I don't know anyone with a drop of self respect who calls 100 times after they've been told "no." With this caveat: if you guys really dated, you were kind of a couple, you owe him an explanation, otherwise, don't worry about it.
mishelleanne mishelleanne 10 years
Forgivable. I've done it, too.
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
For sure forgive. I just had this recently and the only way I could get him to get the hint was to ignore his calls and texts. Oh well it happens, he needs to move on.
sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 10 years
definetly forgivable... some guys can't and won't take a hint!
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