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Sunday Confessional: She Ditched Me For Her Boyfriend

I’ve been planning to move from my hometown to the larger city nearby to move in with my best friend. Since we’ve had time to plan ahead, we’ve spent the past two months looking for just the perfect place. After a couple of false starts, we finally found a great spot and were planning to sign the lease this weekend.

However, much to my absolute shock, before I left to drive into the city for the lease signing, she called me and told me that she couldn’t move in with me. I guess in the past month, her on-again off-again boyfriend of a year told her that he wanted to move in with her. Of course she jumped at the chance but was too afraid to tell me because she knew I would be angry and upset.

Well guess what: I am angry and upset! I start work in two weeks with no place to live; it would have been nice if she could have just been upfront with me from the beginning so I could have had more time to look for my own place. When I got upset with her, she turned it around and attacked me for not being supportive. I am so frustrated with her selfish behavior and I really can’t believe she chose her boyfriend over me. I am so hurt by this that I just want to walk away from this friendship altogether. Should I forgive her for this?


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starinajar starinajar 9 years
Your "friend" did something very immature. She knew that you two were going to move in together, and she probably also knew that you had to find a place to live so you could start your new job. For her just to leave you hanging there over some guy that she's been on and off with is just pathetic. Forgive me for the comparison, but this is very Lauren versus Heidi and Spencer. She should have been up front with you from the beginning, as you said. I don't think she deserves to be forgiven. I'm assuming that once she goes through the 'off' stage in her relationship she'll come crawling back to you, until things with her boyfriend are alright again. You deserve better friends who will keep their word and be up front with you.
Jacinthe Jacinthe 9 years
I don't think she's in the wrong for wanting to move in with her boyfriend, however, she should have told you sooner.
Renees3 Renees3 9 years
she's obviously not too concerned with your life, so I wouldn't bother worrying about hers. I'd just go on with your life, and try to put her behind you
ktownpolarbear ktownpolarbear 9 years
wow. she's supposed to be your best friend? that is so messed up.
LoveLearnHappy LoveLearnHappy 9 years
Forgive her. Always forgive. For your own benefit. Then walk away, for a little while at least. You're probably too angry and have lost too much trust for her to try and be buddy-buddy again, but that doesn't mean the friendship can't be salvaged in the future. Sometimes when people know they have done something terrible, they can't admit to themselves. That might be why she turned it around on you. Every body does awful things to their friends at some point. It's a part of growing up. What seperates good friends from bad friends isn't the absence of hurting each other, but being able to own up, apologize, and learn from it. Give her time to learn from this. If she's a good friend, she will apologize and you will see genuine change in her behavior. If she doesn't, you have the peace of mind knowing that you did nothing wrong and that you just rid your life of a toxic person.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
Let her go! She has not asked for your forgiveness so let it go. Guaranteed she will need you to bail her out with the b/f and I say leave her hanging. Not to be rude or catty to her but b/c she needs to learn and grow up and part of that is by getting knocked on your butt.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I would forgive. And then I would just forget about her. You should give her the cold shoulder for a while after you get settled. She screwed you big time, and if she doesnt realize that she really jeopardized things for you due to her selfishness, then she is a shitty friend. And there are far too many cool people out there for you to meet in your new city to worry about the shitty ones! She'll prob call you to hang out. You shouldnt answer or call her back.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
Im sorry but I wouldnt forgive her in this situation, she watched you go through all the trouble in finding a place and moving. Even if she wasnt sure if she was going to move in with her bf, she shoulve told the that there might be a possibilty. That was extremely selfish and down right evil of your friend to do that. Im not saying to cut her out your life forever, but I doubt the relationship will ever be the same.
imLissy imLissy 9 years
wow, what a crappy thing to do to someone! I'd never talk to her again.
allien86 allien86 9 years
i agree with hypnoticmix.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
ever hear they saying "when you don't get what you want you get something better"? it really is best that you didn't move in with her. not forgive, but consider yourself lucky. that flake was almost on a lease with you!
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 9 years
She is so selfish, it appalls (is that how you spell it?) me. Don't forgive her, just end the friendship. Her selfishness causes you to be at risk of being homeless for a while, that doesn't sound like a good friend to me. She should have been straight-up with you, and she should have told you what was going on. Don't talk to her, don't tell her where you live because she will eventually come crawling back to you, wanting to crash at your place because her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I wish you the best of luck in getting a new place and being financially stable in your job. I also wish you the best of luck in finding new, considerate, nicer friends.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 9 years
Sure you should forgive her and you should also end the friendship. Not forgiving her would only serve to provide you with a sour recollection which will only serve as a perpetual irritation to you. I'm not sure how long ago this happened but if she does not step forward in a humble way and assume full responsibility for jacking up your plans, being inconsiderate, deceitful, and projecting the blame onto you than you need to release let her go, period. She made choice and that's fine but she must also own her actions and take full responsibility. If she can't do that than she is no friend of yours.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Not forgive. Your friend was very immature and self-centered. She left you high and dry. Walk away from the frienship.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
I chose 'not forgive' because your friend did such an awful thing! But you know what, living on your own is so much better. Yeah, you'll have to pay for all the bills and stuff, but it beats having to live with somebody else who already shows she isn't considerate of your feelings. And then the nerve to turn it around on you...ugh. Why should you be supportive of a selfish chick? Best of luck to you finding your own place and getting all that sorted out!
hills hills 9 years
she should have deff been up front with u and it sounds very unfair, but try to remember why you are friends, the good times u have had, anyone would be angary and you should tell her when you have clamed down what u want to say without yelling, reason with her, and ask her to think how she would feel being in the situation you're in. i hope there is a way round you for this, only you can truly tell if this is forgivable, but try and put yourself in her shoes and figure out if you would be the same put in her own situation, not how you would like to handle it but how u truly would, mayb that will help.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
I think in time you might be able to forgive her. I can't blame her for wanting to live with her boyfriend but she could of handled the situation a lot better. I think some time apart and a nice apology attempt on her behalf is needed.
missceego0711 missceego0711 9 years
You need to find a better friend then her. Like everyone else has said, she should have been upfront with you from the beginning. I hope karma come back and bite her in the ass. When she breaks up with her boyfriend and comes to you for a place to stay, I hope you say no and slam the door in her face. She deserves it. No one treats a friend like that. I wish you luck with finding a place to live and with your job. I hope you find better friends then her.
bengalspice bengalspice 9 years
It's really selfish of her to pick a guy over you when you're the one who is being screwed over ... and you had put such an effort into finding a place. If anything YOU should sign the lease and find a new roommate, not let them take the place you were about the sign on. She should have her boyfriend find the place if she wants to live with him so bad.
michelle-c42934 michelle-c42934 9 years
Dont forgive, if shes old enough to move out, then shes old enough to be a grown up and old enough not to be a liar.
giveveesomesugar giveveesomesugar 9 years
Oh, if the area you are moving to has a monthly apartment, why dont you live there while you look for a permanent place to live? Or maybe your new company has a system where they help new coworkers find places to live? But I dont know if you want your new job to find out about this personal this so early...
giveveesomesugar giveveesomesugar 9 years
It's too bad she made a really bad decision for your friendship and for herself. I would give this relationship a lot of distance and see where it goes. Give her time to think about what happened (what she did) and see if she does anything about the friendship while she is in the relationship with the guy. If she tries to mend the friendship while she is with him, then it shows that she has some hope left in her that she feels guilty and wont do something like this again. But most likely she wont do much to mend your friendship while they are still together. Most likely, they will become "off-again" in a short while, from what their past has shown you then you know that she isnt worth the amount of effort you put into the relationship. Talk to her when YOU want to talk to her and not always when she wants to talk to you. Keep your distance and learn from this experience. Let the friendship float away. There's no point in confronting her because she'll end up blaming you like she did in the last conversation. Once you start working, you'll start to make new friends who are real friends because you'll be able to tell what real friends are like (compared to this one friend who dissed you, a real friend would never do that). Sometimes friendships fizzle out, no matter how long you have been friends together. It's sad, but it happens sometimes. You'll make new greater friendships in the future. Just be a great friend to people and another great friend will see that and want to be friends with you! Good luck.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
What a b*tchy friend. But, im sure someone will soon come around calling the op jealous... At any rate, she's not in a stable relationship and this will come back to bite her in the a$$ as it should.
sass317 sass317 9 years
I say consider this a blessing in disguise- she sounds like would make a crappy roommate anyway- with all the bf drama and being so inconsiderate. I dont know what city you are moving to, but if they have the company Promove where you live, I would suggest going to them to help you find a new place fast. And start counting the days before she and the bf have a falling out and she comes whining to you about how crappy her living situation is- I would start a list of excuses as to why she CANNOT crash on your couch when they start fighting.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i am so sorry you have a b*tch-a*s friend who left you in the lurch. i say that God has everything happen for a reason; 1) if she flakes that quickly on you, who is to say she would've have left you hanging on rent or skipped out on the lease. 2) she has an on/off again boyfriend, which means there is always some bullsh*t drama. do you really wanna hear that all the time? 3)she's the type of girl that would have her boyfriend over 24/7 (like a recent post), and he eats all of your sh*t and hangs out like he pays rent. 4) she's not a grown woman. grown women handle their business. she's the type that would be responsible for the electric bill and when you come home from work, only to find the lights won't come on, she tells you that the lights were cut off . . .because the bill is 3 months past due! this all goes back to WHY i DON'T do ROOMATES!!!! look, charge it to the game. hopefully you can find you a little single apartment. even if the pipes are a bit rusty, stay there until you get settled into your job and save up enough to move to an upgrade. screw that h*! her boyfriend will put her out and she'll have no place to live. i know this is mean (and it probably won't get you into heaven), BUT don't let her crash at your place. remember, you don't "support her". show her better than you can tell her. maybe since you're moving to a new place, you can find some new friends.
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