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Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

Six months ago I started dating my girl friend's male roommate. At the time, my friend warned me that although her roommate was a good friend, he was a notoriously bad boyfriend. I explained to her that I just wanted to have fun, but she still acted weird about it. Five months in, I learned he was hanging out with a lot of other girls, so we decided to end things. I was disappointed it didn't work out, but I knew it wasn't meant to be.

A few weeks ago I found out that I have genital herpes. I knew immediately it was from him — I've only been with one other guy who was also a virgin. I had asked him before we slept together if he had been tested, and he said he was totally clean. Obviously I was very upset by the news and confronted him. Naturally, he claimed that I must have picked it up from some other guy.

When I came crying to my friend, she was extremely distressed by what he had said. Apparently, he had confided in her a long time ago that he had herpes, but asked her to keep it a secret. When I heard this I was furious. I know that they're good friends, but I couldn't believe she'd kept that from me when she knew I was sleeping with him! I feel beyond betrayed, but she says she "tried" to warn me. Is her omission of the truth forgivable?


Join The Conversation
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
to everyone who voted not to forgive the friend, really, think about it. the guy and the friend were room mates and good friends. the herpes thing was a secret. and when you started to go out with him, she did warn u, the way she could. she told u that he would make a bad bf and all but u didnt listen. u got ureself into it. she tried to be a good friend to u by warning u and to him by keeping his secret a secret. its not her fault that u fucked a guy u barely knew. she did warn u, and thats being a good friend, and she also kept a secret, which is being a good friend to the guy.
KimmySYKES KimmySYKES 8 years
How can people say "oh definately forgive, its your fault" Her friend could have warned her before hand, so techinically it is her friends fault, and also the guy she slept with for not being honest with her before hand either. I said "not forgive" DEFINATELY not, i think if your friend didnt tell you then its her fault, and thats horrible for her to not tell you.
girlgonebad girlgonebad 8 years
Her friend did the right thing by not telling her that guys secret. It was a secret that he himself could of shared. I can say this because I am in the same boat. I do tell everyone that I am ever with 'if you want sex with me you need to where a condom'.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
NEVER FORGIVE! It doesn't matter if it's the cold, the herpes or HIV. If a persons health is at risk then something has to be said!
buster36 buster36 9 years
I can't believe some of the harsh comments on here. Let's see..As if this is a difficult question! She said he was her roomate and she is her friend. She knows he has herpes. Herpes can be spread with and without a condom. She would rather protect her roomates privacy than protect her friends health. That simple. AND of course I am so impressed by those of you who said she was stupid for not wearing a condom and its her fault because I know you have never in your life ever not worn a condom? not once? bullshit. It happens at least once. It's just her bad luck it was with someone with herpes. Your friend is an asshole and your insane to even consider remaining her friend. As the other girl said she deserves a punch in the face.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
NOT FORGIVE!!!! If you were my friend, I would have told you, because I really care about the health and well being of people I am close to. To be honest, she sounds like a bitch and a bad friend to me.
xoxoxx xoxoxx 9 years
Asia 84, THANK YOU. "he's a bad boyfriend" is so open to interpretation! first thing I'd think was maybe he was a cheater...or a shoplifter...maybe even a lying hobag. not "hey, maybe this son of a bitch has a STI!" I know I don't always take my friends advice, but no matter what, if someone's heath is at risk, then I'll tell them what they're getting into. and dude, even with condoms, ANY skin to skin contact will eff you up. the fact that HE knew and didn't tell you pisses me off just as much as your friend, because HELLO, that's messed up. I say beat both their asses, and if you know any of his past girlfriends, tell them to get tested.
P.S. Condoms are not always effective against Herpes, so don't fool yourselves ladies!
I voted forgive, because it's not her place to tell you. You should've been more careful who you slept around with. You should have taken her advice when she told you he was a bad boyfriend. By not taking her advice at that point, it makes one think that had she told you his medical history, would you have believed her anyway? Or, just go have fun?
ufshutterbabe ufshutterbabe 9 years
Again here, if the situation were slightly reversed, I think a lot of people would feel differently: "I told my roommate in confidence that I have herpes, now she blabs it to every one of her male friends that I am interested in dating" That guy from the letter is a scumbag, but the female friend did no wrong. People who have herpes have a right to share that information, on their own terms, with whom they choose (this should always include potential sex partners, at a point before they get physical). The female friend had no idea the guy would omit this information. It is not ethical for her to share that information with his potential sex partners, regardless of her relationship to them.
brookrene brookrene 9 years
Sorry girlie, you should have been responsible. You wont have people around all your life to tell you if someone has herpes or not. It wasn't her place to tell you. It was his. If you didn't use protection it's his and your's fault. I'm assuming your girlfriend figured that with the two of you hooking up you would both be responsible enough to wrap it up.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I'm with you Rock.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i'm not saying it's the girl's fault....but why tell me NOW? if you call yourself keeping his secret, then you should've have told me AFTER a ho goes and f*cks homeboy. i would be more than pissed at myself for catching some sh*t like that...i get mad when i catch colds from people.... i'm just saying, she must not have been a close friend. I would've blew his spot up if i were the roommate. but that is how i sleep at night. now if that ho goes and screws him after i told her to not f*ck with him (with the specific wording i gave above), then okay... but to give some subliminal message.."oh he's a bad boyfriend" that sh*t can mean anything: -beats your a*s -steals your ATM card -No PDA -Booty call only if a girl told me that, i wouldn't think herpes. she (the roommate)did better not saying anything at all...ever. i still would wear her bikini bottoms during an outbreak and return them....tell her, "you shouldn't wear that bikini" lolol this is why it's just best not to date your friend's roommate/brother/ cousin/ never turns out right. the OP's sex life is over....i bet he wasn't even a good f*ck!
lolalu lolalu 9 years
What an awful friend! I can't believe she let that happen to you!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Why bother ever taking responsibility? It's always someone else's fault.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
There is no one to forgive but yourself. It was not her responsibility to tell you that he had herpes it was his that is where your anger should be directed. You and that fabulous guy should have been using condoms you knew he was sleeping with other women and still you chose not to protect yourself.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Condoms break. or what about the foreplay portion??? people rubbing up against each other, and pre-skeet (pre-cum) gets a little messy.... i wouldn't be able to sleep in the other room knowing you were screwing him.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
NOT FORGIVE... That's horrible.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
I don't like half you b*tches on here, but i would've told you. "b*tch don't f*ck with him. His sh*t ain't clean". i don't care if homebody got mad at me. F*ck him! even if you wear condoms you can catch sh*t. Hot sex = cum all over the place. between sweating and humping, stuff happens....then BOOM. you got some sh*t Ajax won't wash off. This isn't like catching the clap (which is the STD equivalent to a slap on the wrist)...she knew homeboy was nasty. She tried to warn you?! "oh, he's a jerk" when you said that you just wanted to have fun, that would've been more of a reason to tell you. fonky b*tch. you should secretly borrow her bikini and give it back.
CaffeePants CaffeePants 9 years
Secrets between friends are one thing but when something serious like your health or safety is involved you deserve to know the truth. This is completely unforgivable!
designerel designerel 9 years
I get she was trying to be a good friend by protecting his secret, but aren't you her friend too??? And wouldn't her knowing that you are about to be infected with an STI trump his secret? I get that she tried to warn you by saying he wasn't a good boyfriend, but she should've done more when she realized that wasn't going to stop you. And you should have worn protection too, so she's not completely at fault. You're better off without either of them. If I were you, I'd go the immature route and scare off any other girl he is talking to by warning them about the herpes. hahaha.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
no way, i voted NOT FORGIVE!!!!!!!!!! this is a health issue. she didnt try to warn you!
jaxon jaxon 9 years
NOT FORGIVE!! Saying "He's a bad boyfried" is by no means a good attempt to warn you of his STI status, to me that means "Don't catch feelings for this guy" not "Dont' have sex with this guy". There are ways she could have been more direct w/out completely divulging his secret. Yes, you are responsible in the end but she could and should have been a better friend. I like the idea someone had of punching her in the face. But BOTH of them need a punch!
Seka21 Seka21 9 years
She kept a promise to her friend by not telling. Its not up to her to tell you these things. I would say its the girls fault for dating a notoriously bad boyrfiend who hung around with so many women. However.. its not the end of the world. This can be treated when it flares up and sometimes people go for years without outbreaks. Ive read statistics and you would be amazed how many people have it. So all in all, learn from your mistakes.. dont pass it on to someone else and dont get angry. Anger wont make it go away.
robinlh912 robinlh912 9 years
If a friend of mine knew that a guy I was thinking about dating or whatever had and STD I would sure as hell hope she or he would tell me. Yes it is your responsibility to protect yourself, but I think that if you know someone might be putting themselves at risk, wouldn't you want to apply the "better safe than sorry" rule and let them know?
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