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Sunday Confessional: She Stabbed Me in the Back

A year before I left for college, I started dating a guy I was crazy about; it was my first love. We had a very happy relationship, but as high school relationships do, things got difficult when I went away to college. By the time I headed home for Winter break, it was clear that he was spending time with another girl behind my back. He admitted to it, and I immediately ended things. Of course, I felt completely wounded and foolish.

It was only a few weeks later that I learned that girl he'd been hooking up with was none other than one of my closest friends. I was extremely hurt, and my initial feelings of embarrassment were only multiplied — I was played a fool by my boyfriend and my friend. By the time I talked her again, I was already settled into college life and had emotionally moved on from my ex. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, but in my mind our friendship was over.

Now seven years later, she contacted me via email out of nowhere. It turns out she heard from a friend that we are both living in the same city. As a recent transplant, she doesn't know anyone and she's looking for friendship. Of course her email doesn't acknowledge anything about what happened before, but it was the first thing I thought of. I don't care about what happened seven years ago, but what she did then makes me question who she is now. Should I forgive her past actions and become friends again? Or is she not worth my time?


Join The Conversation
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
dont forgive that freaking whore. he was ure first love and she did this to u? she played u and she never even considered u. real friends dont do that. never forgive her. seriously. bitches like that are the worst. she wouldnt mind doing that again if she finds ure current/next guy attractive. do not forgive her or trust her in anyway.
chipjimi chipjimi 8 years
I think you should forgive her. It happened 7 years ago, give her a chance. You also have to remember that people make stupid decisions especially when they are in high school.
legalbeagle legalbeagle 8 years
This same thing happened to me my senior year of high school. 7 years later, Ive seen the girl and been polite in person, but as for being friends... ummm thanks, but no thanks
ohkate ohkate 8 years
no point in risking the possibility of the past repeating itself plus, you'll never be able to forget what she did to you and you'll always be waiting and wondering if she'll do it again.
a-nonny-mouse a-nonny-mouse 8 years
"There is no forgiveness in Siddmanland!" But are there spoons? :p
skigurl skigurl 8 years
she's just using you i might say forgive under different circumstances, but why would you want a person like this leeching on you and your friends in a city you've worked hard to become a part of? she will just do what she did in highschool again, with new people...why bother?
thelorax thelorax 8 years
I completely agree with gossipqueen - this girl has no sense of loyalty or decency. My guess is that she just wants to latch onto you for a little while so that she'll have SOMEONE - obviously she NEEDS to have SOMEONE - make friends with your friends, flirt with your guy friends, then once she's plugged in she won't feel like she owes you anything. She sounds like a toxic friend to me. Don't bring that back into your life. Don't stay angry at her but just MOVE ON from her.
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
If it were me, I might forgive, but I would never forget. I would never trust this girl again, and I would not want to be friends with someone that would do that. No matter how much time has gone by, that tells me what her values are. I think that a girl that would behave this way was never your true friend. Even if she has changed considerably, it sounds like she wasn't even the one to tell you what happened, so she was also dishonest. Won't this issue be in your mind the whole time that you are with her, anyways? And if you do decide to see her/become friends again, never and I mean NEVER introduce her to a boyfriend or guy that you like.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
forgive if you want, but DON'T invite her back into your life. you can do better than this woman, and since she's only contacting you because she needs something it's not a true offer of friendship. she sounds like a user.
Marci Marci 8 years
A part of me wants to say forgive; give her anothe chance; it was so long ago, blah blah blah. But she was untrustworthy beyond the point of forgiveness once. Chances are, she probably would be again, given all the right circumstances. I say, pass.
siddman siddman 8 years
There is no forgiveness in Siddmanland!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I think the question should be: Does the other girl want to be friends with someone who is judging her based on something that happened 7 years ago while in high school? Honestly, don't contact her for her sake. No need to lower yourself to hang out with someone you deem "unworthy" to be your friend. Let's hope you haven't made any mistakes in your life and that people aren't judging you as harshly for them!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
This was 7 years ago when the two of you were in high school. People change a lot in those years and I'm sure she's grown up. Go out with her one time and see how things go, if it's awkward or you're not getting a good vibe from her than you don't have to pick up the relationship again.
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
Like some others have said, meet her for a drink or for lunch or something, and if you two don't click and you are still upset about what happened, walk away. You don't have to be her friend, but I think trying might be a good idea.
Twirlie Twirlie 8 years
Apparently I got against the general consensus. A lot can happen in 7 years, I am in no way the same person I was 7 years ago. From what I understand it was a high school relationship that drifted a bit into college. So that meant you were about 18 ish when things didn't work out. Now you are 25ish? I think you should hang out and see how things click. She may be way too different, or you may be and the friendship doesn't stick. But I don't think holding a grudge from 7 years past is healthy.
The way I see it, she showed you her true colors when she decided to mess around with your boyfriend. You can move on from that no problem, but can you/should you ever trust her again around your boyfriends? In my opinion, once a "friend" shows you that she has no problem hooking up with someone you care for, she cannot be trusted, even years later. What's the point of being friends with someone you cannot trust? You would constantly have to watch your back, and make sure she's not going after another man in your life... I voted not forgive, but I think the issue is more about not forgetting.
littlekats littlekats 8 years
Sometimes, great friends start as enemies.
seraphimm seraphimm 8 years
She doesn't sound genuine. NOT forgive, but only until you meet with her. If she apologizes for the past and her mistake, DO recognize her genuine effort... but if not, fuck it. move on. it would take me A LOT of apologizing and time for me to get over something like that. FIRST LOVE ladies, FIRST LOVE. that shit isn't easy to get over.
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 8 years
I agree with serial, don't look back and in your mind you said the friendship is over. It took her 7 years to contact you. She just wants to use you because she's just lonely.
serial serial 8 years
Why bother? You said that in your mind the friendship was over. Don't look back.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I'd forgive because it's a negative thing to hold onto resentment but I wouldn't want her back in my life.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Personally, I say hell no. I had two friends do this to me - one kissed my boyfriend behind my back and had everyone keep it a secret - the other slept with a guy I was seeing and lied to me about it. Regardless of the guys - who were problems in and of themselves - that's not the type of behavior you want to invite back into your life. I don't speak to those women anymore and ignore attempts at reconciliation. I'd either ignore her or tell her in no uncertain terms that while you're not bitter about the guy, you're not sure she's someone you want to be friends with based on her past deception, and you wish her well.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Not forgive. Why would you invite this woman back into your life again? Besides, if she was a decent person, I would think she would have bought up the past, and expressed some remorse. JMHO.
geebers geebers 8 years
I am undecided. You should meet her first and see what happens before making that call.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 8 years
I agree - why are people "confessing" to other people's deeds? Me no likey.
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