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Sunday Confessional: She Wants to Stay Home

We're scouring the juicy (but anonymous!) secrets posted on Truu Confessions and letting you weigh in. This week, a confessor admits that she wished she lived in a different era! She says:

"I was born in the wrong era. I would have been much happier as a stay-at-home wife. Yes, rights are good and women's lib or whatever, but it sucks to have to work an eight hour day, go home, and put in another eight hours."

Do you think this is a big deal?

Image Source: Getty
Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
I have experienced both sides of the coin. I am a graphic designer by trade and for the most part I've had no choice but to work full time. Then I got married. Still had to work. Then I had a baby. Then things got real tough. My parents didn't help out so when the small company I worked for told me I would have to come back in 6 weeks I quit. I stayed home two years. Then I sat in my house just barely able to make it. But I scrimped by. I was exhausted taking care of my son, but soon after again we needed money. I went back to work full time. Everyday when I dropped off my son at preschool he would cry and grab my legs. After that I went to work, upset. This wasn't about women's lib for me. This was about money. My son back then just wasn't ready to be away form home, and neither was I. But I had to work. There were no choices. Ever since I have worked full time. My son has been thrown into school and then aftercare for eight years. Then recently I was laid off. I can tell you, this year has been the best year of his life, and his grades have been better. Is it good for me to be home? Yes. For a while. Until the money runs out. Could I stay home? Yes. I would focus on my paintings, sell those and then focus on the children's books I illustrate and self publish. I could also focus on the freelance business I have and grow that as well. But I would need a rich husband. Which I don't. So I will always work.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 7 years
I would have no probs being a stay at home wife or mum. I would have more time to do errands, clean, cook, goto the gym, maybe take some classes or volunteer at the local animal shelter. Just because you are a stay at home type person, doens't mean you literally sit on the couch all day.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 7 years
So true, running all those thigs do happen and yes, many women/families don't prepare themselves for such scenarios.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Fair enough, and a good point Kim :) My only really big concern is that ALL women support themselves financially -- be that from earing a paycheck or having open, honest discussions with the person that works outside of the home. Divorce, illness, death, etc. happen too often and most (not all) of the time women find themselves unprepared.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 7 years
I think all I'm trying to say is don't feel sad for them if they are doing what they truly love to do. :-)
Kimpossible Kimpossible 7 years
running, but for some people staying at home and taking care of a home and family ARE jobs that they enjoy and are passionate about. "Job" doesn't always have to mean working in an office and/or getting paid to do something outside the home. Not trying to argue or debate, just trying to give you another viewpoint is all. I don't think you're wrong, I just think you're not looking at it from all directions.
Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
My dream life would be to stay home and raise children. Make dinner, clean the house, have lunch with friends. And I'm a man. :)
runningesq runningesq 7 years
I know everyone is different, but I think it's sad when people don't have jobs that they enjoy, that they are passionate about. Yes, some days really suck, but overall I enjoy going to work. I would be so freaking bored if I stayed home.
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 7 years
thats my dream......
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
im a stay at home mom/wife. my youngest is in third grade, so i have much more free time now. love it. thought if going back to work briefly about a year ago, couldn't even get an interview. darn, guess i'll just have to stay home :)
runningesq runningesq 7 years
I echo darc: if both spouses work, why is SHE putting in 8 hours at home? my husband and I split chores and household "to-dos"
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Personally, I think it's no big deal either. My view aligns with Lilxmissxmolly and Theklalou. Any choice is fine. It's about what's right and good for that particular woman.
darc5204 darc5204 7 years
My question is, why is she putting in 8 hours at home if she has a husband? If both members of a couple are working full time, then both should be contributing to the work at home. If she's single, living in another era would just mean working in worse conditions or having nothing.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 7 years
Back in the "era" she is referring to, the majority of families could get by with one income. It was normal for the man to "provide" and they were being paid enough to afford a house, children, etc. with their salary alone. Times have changed and now the majority of families need both parents working just to pay the bills. Today it has a lot less to do with woman's lib and more to do with the economy and the cost of living.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 7 years
Lilkimbo - thank you, I've been trying to collect my thoughts on this so I could state them clearly, it wasn't happening lol. I agree, not all marriages are like what many people here are describing. While I do not generate any income for the household, our money is just that, our money. Part of my job is to manage the household and that includes finances. I also agree that one should never kid themselves into thinking that it would be easy to fall right back into a well paying career after staying at home for any length of time.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 7 years
I don't see how being born in a certain era has anything to do with her so-called problem. If she wants to stay home, do it. We can all thank the "women's lib" movement that she apparently has no respect for for giving women the ability to choose whether they want to work or stay home. There's no need to mock the idea of women having "rights or whatever" just because she personally wants to stay home. Also, look at Mad Men. It might seem ideal to never have to worry about holding down a job, managing your finances, etc. But in a lot of ways, women were treated as second class citizens.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
It seems like a few people are operating on the automatic assumption that, if one partner stays at home, the other one automatically controls all of the money, which often isn't the case. When I was growing up, my dad was the one who made the money, but my mom was actually the one in charge of paying bills, etc. She didn't work outside the home, but she didn't have to clear purchases with my dad. Heck, she even made large purchases, like cars, without him. (He knew she was looking, but she went to the dealership and signed the papers on her own.) If you have to "clear everything you buy or do with someone else," you have bigger issues in your relationship than deciding whether or not you should work outside the home. Running, I do understand what you're saying in regards to making sure you have a way of making/having money should the need ever arise.
sloane220 sloane220 7 years
i agree with jazzytummy and runningesq, i think if you choose to stay at home you have to be prepared for any eventuality up to and including divorce, illness, and death. depending on someone else to support you can leave you vunerable, because someone might think they can dictate all the decisions in the household because they pay all the bills or they can get bored with you and leave you without a way to support yourself and antiquated job skills because you've been out of the workforce. the only way i'd be a stay at home parent/partner, was if i had a secret emergency bank account and some investments in case the arrangement didn't work out and so i would feel completely free to leave whenever i wanted. i also agree the one of the basic tenets of feminism is to give women a choice, whether to stay at home or work. and i don't begrudge anyone the choice to stay at home, all i say is if you do choose to do it, be careful.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
Hey if it works for her. Personally I'd still hold down a part time job.
GMarie GMarie 7 years
What's the big deal? As women, we like to get all involved in other women's decisions and how they reflect on the rest of womankind, but I think it's something you work out as a couple. I stay home, but my husband and I are partners. We made the decision as a team, we work out our finances as a team, we parent as a team, and we both feel that this arrangement is working really well for us and our son as a family. If I wanted to go to work, he would support me completely, but I don't. I work plenty hard at home. I think it comes down to personal choice - and isn't that the whole point of women's lib? - and what works for everyone involved. I may be a woman, but I don't "owe" womankind anything that goes against what makes my family (and myself) happy.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
I still think it's naive to think you can take off a few years and waltz back into the workplace.
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