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Not Sure If I Should Contact Him

"Will I Scare Him Off If I Reach Out?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I met a guy four months ago. We were very keen on each other, but I screwed it up by being aloof. He had asked me for my number earlier in the night, but like a fool I was distracted by something and said I'd give it to him later — I hadn't counted on us splitting up. I was talking to my friend about this guy earlier today and we joked that he was "the one that got away." After she left, I decided to Facebook stalk him and found him quite easily. As it turns out, we have a mutual friend, although I don't know the friend particularly well as she is the roommate of a close friend from high school. I am about 90% sure it's him: it looks like him and the degree that's listed is the same one he told me about.

I have not contacted him yet and I'm not sure if I should. He may not remember me, or may not want to speak to me. We lost each other because I'm awkward and because I didn't act as girly as most girls in my situation would have acted. His friend declared that I clearly was not into him — but I was. He sadly kissed me goodbye after that and said he'd leave me alone, but I was too shocked and I didn't want to look desperate, so I didn't do anything at the time.


Do you think it's weird if I contact him? I stalked him after we first met in an attempt to explain myself but I couldn't find him. Ironically, I met our mutual friend only a few weeks after the fact. That said, I don't want him to message our mutual friend and ask about me. Should I reach out?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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circle0105 circle0105 5 years
You should contact him because you are always going to have that "what if." However, don't feel so guilty about your initial meeting. If he's really into you, then he will not mind putting in some work. So don't put in all the work!
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Yes, contact of my favorite quotes..."You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." ~Wayne Gretsky
Mandana85 Mandana85 5 years
definitely add him as a friend. I met my BF in an exhibition and I just *guessed* that he was into me based on his behavior, He never told me he liked me or the sort of stuff this guy has told you. I added him in facebook *and* initiated a conversation. turned out he was shy and liked me a lot. We have been together for over 2 years now and I don't regret a thing about coming forward and speaking up. It is not stalking. stalking is when you obsessively go after someone who is not interested in you. If he does not show any interest, then fine. you're gonna stop contacting him. but this now is taking control and expressing yourself.
bluejay17 bluejay17 5 years
If I were you, I'd add him as a friend. I think this is your chance to explain yourself if that's what you want. Who knows, this could be the start to somenthing good. Good luck.
melissajayne melissajayne 5 years
I think messaging him and just starting an innocent conversation is fine, it sounds like he was into you before so most likely he will remember you and want to try again!
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