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Ted Haggard GQ Profile

Ted Haggard Chooses to Be the "Masturbation Guy" Over the Gay Guy

It's like the ultimate, awkward family photo, except this one has an agenda. It's to show just how not gay Ted Haggard, the defrocked evangelical minister of the New Life Church whose double life was exposed in 2006, is.

Despite paying a masseuse for a massage, crystal meth (to enhance masturbation), and sex (but not sex, sex), reformed Ted told GQ he didn't do this because he was gay, he did it because he liked to masturbate. "And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear," he said. "I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!'"

But now he is standing up and saying it — I suppose he finds it better than standing up and saying, "Hey, I'm the gay guy." So here we are with this creepy picture of him locking lips with his wife in a hot tub and their four kids, who don't know where to fix their gaze. That's not straight; it's just awkward.

Join The Conversation
IdeaOfOrder IdeaOfOrder 6 years
Talk about a disturbing family photo. I just don't get this.. does his wife, do his kids really buy his story? They must prefer living in denial.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I love the son on the right's facial expression.
Annie-Tomlin Annie-Tomlin 6 years
I actually love this photograph. I think it says so much about the story he's constructed for himself, and the absurdity of it all.
Belle-de-Nuit Belle-de-Nuit 6 years
It's nice he can delude himself so well.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 6 years
Oh god, the kids look sooo uncomfortable! What an awful photo!
PontNeuf PontNeuf 6 years
I wonder how many fights were had just to convince all of the kids to be in this photo...
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Ted Haggard has to be one of the biggest idiots on the planet.
shaima shaima 6 years
One of them is staring like "Omg, I think I'm attracted to my brother". Yeah, I wouldnt be surprised, looks like life blessed him with beautiful twisted parents. This picture is screaming Jersey Shore.
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