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Telling a Guy He Gave You an STD

Group Therapy: Was I Right to Tell a Guy He Gave Me an STD?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

The guy is very macho, from South America. We had sex once and I caught an infection because it was my first time. He got really offended and stopped talking to me. I'm heartbroken.



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whats-her-name whats-her-name 6 years
He needs to know so that he can inform past partners and urge them to be tested also. Chances are, you're not the only one he gave a parting gift to.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 6 years
It doesn't matter if he is offended...you need to talk to him about it. Personally, I've never had an STD but my ex-boyfriend had gonorrhea because he cheated on me. I was 19 at the time. I went straight to the clinic and luckily, I was OK. Sometimes these things happen as a way of letting you know that you need to be more responsible. I will not try to make you feel any worse than you already do, but I think you should be more careful in the future.
karlotta karlotta 6 years
UTIs are not STDs. More often than not, it's actually the bacteria from your anus that gets into your urethra. They're prone to happen after a sexual encounter because that's when there's friction going on in the area that spreads the bacteria around. Peeing right after sex (I actually even wash my girl parts now too, because I was getting them often) really helps. Anyway - he's a dick, but you need to 1. USE PROTECTION (for crying out loud) and 2. get your facts straight before going on a witch hunt.
shreerose shreerose 6 years
What a dick.
lalili lalili 6 years
whether its called STI/STD/UTI or zaza zozi doesnt matter.. if the guy cared about you in the first place he wouldnt have acted like a jerk.. Yes he could get upset and feel bad about it but its your first time and if he liked you he would have at least clarified things. Again its your first time, I disagree with most of the posts that are harsh on you. there is some responsibility on you to take and you have clearly stated that it wast the infection that broke your heart its his behavior. learn and let this guy go to hell!
beautiful-disaster beautiful-disaster 6 years
#18, THANK YOU!!! i personally am someone very prone to UTI's. it is NOT good, and ive come to realize fairly early on before the burning pee and in some cases blood in urine when i get them. as you said, you can get this bacteria from anything. OP please recognize that he did not give you an STI, that you were wrong, an dpersonally, its natural to get a bit defensive when someone is accusing you of having an STI. i would be more worried about someone who isnt really surprised about the news, that means they KNOW theyve been in risky situations and are just hoping to god youll put the blame elsewhere. next time, use protection (even though you didnt get and STI, you were on the right track to getting one. using a condom will most likely not protect you from the UTI, which is why its important tha tyou do as #18 has said and take pee immediatly after sex, even if its just a few drops. since i was told about it i havent gotten a UTI in over 2 years. Its a simple preventative measure. and please, again, unless you are in an exclusive, commited relationship, CONDOMS MUST ALWAYS BE USED once youre in a committed relationship go ahead, get tested for everything, and if both are in the clear stop with condoms if you wish (but get on some other form of birthcontrol). there is too much going around these days to be taking these kinds of risks.
snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
oops, typed too fast. first sentence should read: "if he had actually given you an std, you would have been in the right". :OOPS:
snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
if he had actually giving you an std, than you would have been in the right. but he didn't. you jumped to conclusions. i'd run too if i were him. i hope you learned your lesson. use protection.
BiWife BiWife 6 years
Hai 5, Helen
BiWife BiWife 6 years
you had pain, you didn't *know* it was an infection or a virus or food that was too spicy until you went to the Dr. Yes, you could have gotten that same issue if you had been masturbating furiously (especially if using toys). YOU didn't use a condom, it wasn't just his fault that that was left out. YOU also didn't communicate that he was being too rough during sex. You can't just slough off all responsibility about this to the guy, take charge of your own sex life and sexual health.
localoca03 localoca03 6 years
I had an infection and I thought that it is also called STD cause it is a disease/infection transmitted through having sex. of course he gave me that STI cause its not like I masturbated and gotten it! it was the fact that he didnt use a condom and how he really behave in bed that got me infected. I was not heart broken because of the infection, shit happens and im not blaming it on him. i was heart broken cause i was just an insignificant fuck for him!
BiWife BiWife 6 years
well, you did accuse him in error. you accused him of spreading an STD before verifying you even had an STD. I'd be pretty upset if someone was insisting I had given them an STD I know I don't have. That said, you need to get over this heartbroken situation, it was a no-strings attached sexual encounter that you tried to attach great meaning to. Virgins, get real and recognize that the actual realities of sex for the first time are not that glamorous or romantic. The sooner you quit placing unrealistic expectations on random hookups for your first time, the better.
localoca03 localoca03 6 years
what I had was a UTI an infection in my bladder (Cystitis) that was caused by forcing and friction. It is also known as 'honeymoon syndrome' as someone mentioned above. I am heartbroken because 1) I thought of my first time as it was going to be something special in a reality i had to spend my birthday at the hospital and 2) because im shocked how could he have been that cold hearted to move on never asked about me afterwards and he actually got tested (for HIV which was irrelevant here cause it was bacteria that i caught) and when he got the results he told me 'go fuck urrself im clean'. Im heart broken because there are people as cold/rude and heartless as this guy
stylinfabqueen stylinfabqueen 6 years
Who cares if he is offended! I know your heartbroken but like I say you do better when you know better. To avoid contracting further STIs just kindly ask your future partners to get tested and also let them know about yours as well. Anyone who refuses to get tested before sex with you, stay far away from. They don't care about you or themselves and always use protection.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
This is a situation that you will, believe it or not, look back on one day and be shocked at the fact that you thought you might be in the wrong. You didn't get a STD because it was your first time, you got it because you had unprotected sex with an infected person. What did you learn if nothing else? That's right; use protection.
pax4pax pax4pax 6 years
He is at fault for being so uncaring. You are at fault for being irresponsible. Build a relationship, know the person, build trust in, get commitment from the person next time. Then, if something like this comes up, it's not because there was a lack of disclosure and there should be care.
karlotta karlotta 6 years
Why are you heartbroken? This guy is a total douche. I'm sorry you had your first time with someone so insensitive, immature and rude. I hope you get over that idiot fast, and learn to 1. use condoms; 2. give your heart and vagina to better deserving people. Live and learn - we've all done something of the sort, and better file it under "I was young and made a mistake" rather than let your self-esteem suffer. He's not worth your heartbreak, so pick up your heart, be glad you caught the infection in time, and keep your head up high. You did the right thing.
BiWife BiWife 6 years
The "offensive" part is that this guy was dirty & irresponsible about getting himself checked out, as well as his inability to use protection properly or with any consistency. Girls, don't take excuses or pleading from guys, make them use protection! Beyond pregnancy prevention, you've got to consider STI's, which can even cause infertility & cancer.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
Are you talking about an actual STD or dermatitis or a yeast infection? It's pretty common to get a YI or mild dermatitis when you first start doing it, and it comes from the friction and change in acidity, not the guy. Some gyns call it "honeymoon syndrome." No one's to blame for that except microbes. If you got an actual STD, what were you doing not using condoms, my dear?? Even though you know where you've been, you have no idea all the places he's been. Not smart. Lecture over. It is a bit much to ask anyone to be immediately helpful and supportive when getting the news they've got an STD. And most people, except for the really good and responsible ones, are going to get defensive at first and try to bounce the accusation back on you. Learn and move on. Now you know how this guy handles bad news -- very poorly. That makes him poor relationship material. Better to know now and be wiser. Sorry the lesson had to be so painful. But things can only get better from here on out. You'll be okay.
HisGoldenEyes HisGoldenEyes 6 years
It's not offensive at all. If you're 100% sure that he's the one who gave you the STI, then he needs to know. He needs to go to a doctor and make sure that A) he's no longer carrying it or B) get treated ASAP! You did the right thing. And if he's a pr*ck about it and doesn't talk to you anymore, then he's not worth your time! A great guy would be completely understanding, and want to make sure that he set things right, not cut you from his life. Best of luck!!
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
It is not offensive, it is the right thing to do. He got offended because he is too macho. That's his problem, not yours. I'm sorry to hear you are heart-broken. Next time, pick a guy who deserves to get strongly emotionally attached to you. (This guy didn't deserve it.)
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