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Thank You Notes Etiquette

Awkward! Are "Thank You" Thank You Notes a No-No?

This post comes from the Awkward! group in our TrèsSugar Community. If you have any advice, please add it in the comments!

My mom is a Southern lady who serves as my go-to etiquette guru, and sometimes she says things that surprise me. Most recently, she told me it was gauche to write thank you notes on stationery or notecards that say "Thank You" on the front. Which is funny to me, since every stationer sells these.

When I expressed my shock, she polled her Southern friends, who agreed it was gauche. The reason: since you are properly saying it inside, there is no need to say it on the cover. The saying of it on the cover is just for the lazy writer.

Well I certainly don't want to seem like a lazy writer. What do you guys think of this rule?

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Join The Conversation
Lenay Lenay 6 years
I never knew this was an actual rule, but I kind of agree with your mom. (Probably because I was raised by my grandparents, who were huge on doing everything properly.) When I shop for a card to write a thank you note in, I typically purchase a blank card. Something with a beautiful picture on the outside and no text anywhere on it. That way, the sentiments are all my own and it's more personal. (It also forces me to write a little bit more. So I put forth an effort to describe what I like about the gift I have been given and how I'm going to use it.)
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
in love, i sent thank you cards for my grad parties, etc., i just don't care whether people send me one!
boredgourdless boredgourdless 7 years
You know what I think is tacky? The printed inside that says "thanks so much for the gift," with a signature slapped on the end. Lots of thought there. So I'll keep sending my cute thank you cards with "Thank You!" on the outside, and a personalized, thoughtful note inside and not worry about it!
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 7 years
I don't see what the harm is...whether the card says, "Thank You" on the front or a person's's what's written on the inside that counts. As long as it's neutral or matches the occasion.
nettefairy nettefairy 7 years
All of my "Thank You" cards have "Thank You" printed on the outside because writing it by hand is such a drag. No one needs to read it twice anyway. I also ride my scooter side saddle in the Walmart so people can see my Three Wolf Moon shirt.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with Turtleshell. I hand-make all my cards. Sometimes on the outside I do write a personalized thank you, like "Thank You, Amanda" in decorative script. On the inside, I would repeat the thank you, and expand on it. I think there's nothing wrong with writing thank-you twice. Personally, I received thank-you cards that way, and I think it's sweet.
turtleshell turtleshell 7 years
I don't buy cards - I make my own. They tend to look way nicer, and have so much more meaning. That being said, I don't see what's so wrong about saying "Thank You" on the outside of the card. Personally, I wouldn't do it just because I would feel silly being so redundant... but it wouldn't even cross my mind if I recieved a card as such.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 7 years
It's not that deep, you know. A thank you is a thank you.
inlove23 inlove23 7 years
I don't see what the big deal is, I mean it's just a way to grab their attention. Snarkypants, why don't you write thank you notes? I just think it's a little rude in my opinion, especially if you have a wedding or something like a birthday party/grad party because your relatives and friends really think about what they want to give you, or they might give you a lot of money (just as important)! Also, I have relatives that will refuse to send a person any gift as soon as the person doesn't send them a thank you note for the previous gift. Sure in a way it waste paper, but they mean a lot to some people.
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
gregs, good to know, with my current boss, i sent an e-mail after the interview, but for future interviews i will be sure to send a proper card :). back to the poster, i don't believe it matters, just the fact that someone was nice enough to send a thank you should be fine, no matter what form it comes in.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
I've heard this but it seems a bit silly to me. I'm with SKG!
xxstardust xxstardust 7 years
I think this is a holdover from the days where it was considered very, very important to have stationary with your name or monogram on it. Despite the fact that I'm definitely *not* southern - I'm from the Jersey shore - I remember being told this by my mom as a kid, too (and I'm young still). As a kid, we were always expected to write thank you notes, and we had a big stock of cards with our names on the front. Mine had hearts : ) and I'm sure are still lying around my house somewhere, as my mother apparently bought me enough to last a lifetime.
reesiecup reesiecup 7 years
I don't see the issue with having a designated thank you on the front of the card and expressing your personal gratitude on the inside. I think it gives the recipient a clue on why they're getting a card anyway. It's more personal than sending a thank you email at any rate, IMO.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
What's wrong with saying "thank you" twice?
bryseana bryseana 7 years
My boyfriend participated in several clinicals for his physical therapy course. I bought a lot of "thank you" cards for him to give to his clinical instructors. All the cards had "thank you" on the front of them. It's hard to find cards like that without it written on the front.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
This is new to me. I think it's super considerate when people go out of their way to send thank you notes at all. In our family at least, a hug and/or a "thank you" (in person or by phone) is enough. I guess it would be lazy if you just sent a card with thank you on it and just left it at that :P But I don't care if it says it on the cover and you say it again inside the card--you just make it more personal then.
runnereater runnereater 7 years
I don't see what the big deal is. Whether not "Thank you" is printed on the card front, I'm still going to write a longer thank you message on the inside.
MudFlap MudFlap 7 years
'thank you' cards are awesome. people don't care about the quality of the paper or the envelope, they care about the quality of the individual that has sent one.
lilegwene lilegwene 7 years
I've heard of this before, but I think it's silly. I always get cards that I like when I send thank-yous, whether they say "thank you" on the front or not! Also, what about custom stationary with the sender's name or monogrammed initials? In this context, those are just as just as tacky in ANY context, not just thank-yous, because the sender will sign their name on the inside. They don't need it on the outside too! ;)
GregS GregS 7 years
I thought that they were written on either "Thank You", or just plain note cards. IE, that it really didn't matter. I think that it's rare to get a ty note from someone for a gift or what have you. When I do an interview, I expect to receive a thank you letter. I have to wonder about the applicant's seriousness for a job if I don't get one. I also give and expect to get a ty note for a gift.
elramos elramos 7 years
I've never heard of this. What should be on the front then? If someone gave me a thank you note with thank you on the front, I would have never thought twice about it.
lauren lauren 7 years
Now I have to recycle all of my thank you cards! ;) I can kind of see her point that the message should be on the inside but does the same apply for happy birthday, happy anniversary? Or just thank you cards!
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
i've never heard of it! i actually don't really care for thank you cards. kind of a waste of paper if you ask me. so no, i don't see a problem with thank you cards with "thank you" on the front.
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