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Too Little Too Late?

Dear Sugar
I have just realized over the past few days that I could possibly be in love with a good friend of mine. I've known him for a few years and he recently split with his girlfriend (my former best friend) because she was cheating on him.

Once I realized my feelings for him, I wanted to tell him but was never able to muster up the courage. Now, I feel it's too late. The guy that I love has met someone else already. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel or leave him alone to be happy? Shy Mai

To See DEARSUGAR'S Answer,

Dear Shy Mai
TELL HIM! Shout it from the hilltops - and do it NOW. He may have met someone else, but how serious could it possibly be just yet?

Remember this famous kiss between Ross and Rachel on Friends?
It's just like you and your guy friend.

Rachel finally realized how she felt about Ross. She was so excited to tell him that she showed up at the airport to pick him up from China - only to find him getting off of the plane with Julie. She waited too long.

Seeing them together tortured Rachel, but when Ross finally found out, he was able to decide on his own who he wanted to be with .... and he chose Rachel - Yay (happy ending)!

The moral of this story is; Don't make this decision for your friend, let him decide on his own who he wants to date. For all you know, he's been in love with you for years. He could be your "lobster."

Join The Conversation
sanD13 sanD13 11 years
BTW: Ethiopian Princess, you give awesome advice.
sanD13 sanD13 11 years
That is a tough situation. You definitely need to consider what your risking: your friendship. Can you live with the fact that you may ruin it? But the romantic in me says, that love is worth risking it all. You only live once and I think one of the worst feelings is asking yourself "what if?" later on. Go for it and best of luck. I'm totally rooting for you. :-)
Toronado Toronado 11 years
*Blushing* I just re-read my last comment...the way I wrote it was entirely too snooty. Instead of merely disagreeing with Dear's advice, I came off like I was critiquing her and the whole site! Not good, Toronado. Shame! Forgive me.
Toronado Toronado 11 years
Not good advice at all. You had your chance and didn't take it. He's met someone else. What would you think if some chick was to try and sabotage a relationship you have with a guy SHE was in love with?'d want to claw her eyes out. Leave them alone and move on.
PrincessPixie PrincessPixie 11 years
i got with my current bf after being close friends with him for 8 years. i already new the important things like how he was in the bedroom and therewas no unpleasant suprises. an old friend can be a great new partner.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 11 years
Does he give you any hints that he's interested in you?
kidcrazy2 kidcrazy2 11 years
Yikes, but I have to disagree. I missed my chance with my friend of many years. I was crazy about him, didn't tell him, an we both moved on. I'm married now to a wonderful guy but just found out that my friend felt the same way about me that I felt about him. Now I'll always wonder 'what if'? I say talk to him, say you'd like to go out with him and see what his response is. Let him know that whatever happens you'd like to remain friends. At least you can say later on that you put yourself out there and tried. Good luck!
snowflake snowflake 11 years
I have seen alot of friendships end over the very thing. Take alot of consideration into it. And it is sad when you make that move and then end up without your friendship and no "relationship"
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
I say sleep on it for about a week, figure it out in your head, weigh pros and cons etc. before you decide whether, when and how to tell him. It’s not something you can take back and sometimes, we date our friends because we already know them and love them, but you may end up sans friend and sans boyfriend if you move ahead without figuring out whether you really want him. I’m sure you think you do, but figure out why and see if it’s a good enough reason. Lack of better options = not a good reason.
snowflake snowflake 11 years
Cherish and stand by the friendship you have and if it was meant to be, it will happen.
nicachica nicachica 11 years
Pop, i agree that she should go for it, but also be prepared for the possibility that he might not return her feelings. Life is not a tv show Mai! Have hope but temper it with realistic expectations. GOOD LUCK! I hope it really does turn out like Ross and Rachel. :)
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