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Torn Between Two Lovers

Sunday Confessional: Torn Between Two Lovers

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I'm married 19 yrs. and had an affair. I can't stop thinking about the other guy. I do have the best sex with my hubby who is a loving, affectionate, caring man. I think about this other guy and still want to see him. Why do I feel this way?

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bjgirl29 bjgirl29 6 years
I want your loving, affectionate,caring man. Go with this other guy you think you're so in love with and let me take care of your man. Is your man on this site? I hope he is and see's this message hopefully we can start chatting on here.
Epicdoodle Epicdoodle 6 years
How would you feel if your husband cheated on you and can't stop thinking about the other women? How betrayed,insecure,angry and hurt would you be? If you love your husband so much why would you want to hurt him like that intentionally? Why would you put his health at risk? And like someone mentioned above, why would you risk loosing 19 years of marriage, a loving husband, house, kids etc by committing adultery?! And the guy isn't even as good as your husband in bed(not that it would make a difference or excuse your appalling behavior)!!?! Guess you really don't know how good you have it until you loose it! Whatever happened to morals?!! If you husband really is the loving, affectionate, caring man you said he is, he doesn't deserve you doing such a thing to him but whats done is done and now you have to come clean with him, you owe him at least that.The longer you keep this secret the more its going to eat you up inside. The truth is going to come out eventually, it always does, better he find out from you than someone else. Hopefully after couples counseling/therapist or some sort of help he'll be able to forgive you and you two can move on with your lives. The counseling would also help you to understand why you did what you did in the first place and how to forget about this other man. You obviously have some sort or insecurity issues, figure them out! And DON'T go back to the other guy, forget about him if you truly want to be married to the current guy. p.s. You say your torn between two guys - well its really not your choice anymore, its more a matter of if you husband still wants to still stay with you.
lezlo lezlo 6 years
Everybody makes mistakes, but stepping outside of your message is a big deal. I mean, how would you feel if your husband stepped out and risked your sexual health? Not to mention how this kind of an action might effect someone emotionally for years to come. I think you need to talk to a personal therapist. After you've worked on yourself, maybe ask your husband to join you in couples counseling. As for whether you love this other guy? How much could you love someone when you're still with someone else? Oh yea, baby, I love you but I can't marry you, hang with you, date you cause my husband is weird about me cheating on him. Honestly....
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
Tell your husband so he can leave you and i can set up this loving, kind, bedroom god with one of my single friends.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 6 years
Oh, and to answer your question, when you figure out why you cheated in the first place THEN you will be closer to figuring out why you feel the way you do. Also, you don't sound very sorry about what you did. Are you?
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 6 years
I question if you really love your hubby as much as you think you do. OR, is your marriage as satisfying as you say it is. In my experience, there are three types of cheaters. There are the types who have a slip due to alcohol, drugs, etc. There are the types who cheat because there is something involving the ego (the need to have power over people through your sexuality, etc), and the type of cheater who cheats because they are unhappy in their relationship. You're husband may be great, but is he great FOR you. You have been married A LONG time. Maybe you miss the newness sparks or something like that. You need to figure out why you cheated in the first place. Have you seen the movie Unfaithful? Maybe you should because it sort of reminds me of your situation. At the end, do NOT see the lover again, not unless you want to end your marriage. Even if you decide you hate your husband, don't be a dishonest person and continue to cheat!!!!!!!! How would you feel if your husband did this to you?????
GregS GregS 6 years
Not to mention that when hubby finds out you're cheating on him, and he files for divorce, it's highly doubtful that you'll end up with much of anything. Look around yourself. Gone are the house, furniture, car. Kids. For a second-best lover? Really?
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
Maybe you got married young and are feeling like you never got a chance to sow your wild oats... it happens. But it doesn't justify your actions. Either leave your husband, confess and try to stay together, or try keeping it a secret (probably won't happen). Just please don't keep doing what you're doing. Your husband is loving, affectionate, caring and good in bed. He deserves better than what you're giving him.
GregS GregS 6 years
Trinity - Don't the bad boys give the best sex? I don't get the OP's need to step out, either. I don't see the motivation other than it's different. Then you get to the question, what happens WHEN hubby finds out? He may already have, but hasn't acknowledged it consciously, or is biding his time to get proof for court.
trinitycc trinitycc 6 years
I'm confused. If you have the best sex with your husband, then why are you stepping out? Is it the "bad boy" attraction of the other guy? If so, just fantasize about the other guy with your husband until you get over him. If your marriage is working, no arguments, fights, etc., then you are crazy to mess it up. If it's boring; add some videos or role play.
GregS GregS 6 years
There is a difference between love, and being in love. It seems to me that you are still in love with hubby. Your affections towards this other guy seems to be limited to what's between his legs. When you lose your husband due to your infidelity, will that be enough? Eventually, hubby will find out. We always do. Not only will you lose a caring affectionate and loving man, but you will lose it for apparently second best sex. Not worth it.
Rasberry-Sorbet Rasberry-Sorbet 6 years
Honestly, I think you either have some major insecurities or either you are not in love with him. I would recommend you talk to someone that is objective or suggest marrital counseling just to improve your relationship. You have 19 years together so that is a lot of throw away just for a screw. You didnt mention if their were any problems or if hes been unfaithful...I dont know. If he is providing, caring, understanding and gives it to you on a regular basis, do not give it all up for a screw.
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