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Tough Question No. 1: Why Aren't You Dating?

Tough Question No. 1: Why Aren't You Dating?

A common fear many women have as Thanksgiving approaches is how to answer those intrusive, uncomfortable, and sometimes rude questions by family members or old acquaintances. To help get you prepared for turkey day, I'm here to offer my suggestions for how to respond to the line of questioning most everyone gets this time of year. Let's start with question number one: Why aren't you dating?

To see my answers,


Even if you don't know the answer to this question yourself, fake it. Exude confidence and respond with either of these:
I just haven't found that special someone yet. Honest and straight to the point.

I am dating, just not dating anyone seriously, that's all! This lets them know you're not lonely, but also makes it clear that they won't be meeting him (or them!) anytime soon.

If you want the questioning to end ASAP, you can take a more aggressive approach and fib with either of these two statements:
My boyfriend and I just broke up and it's really hard to talk about. If they keep prying, ask them if you can please change the subject.

I'm taking a hiatus from men until after the holidays. This will let them know not to ask you the same question when you see them at Christmas!

If you've ever been in a similar situation, tell us, how do you answer the question, "Why aren't you dating?"?


Join The Conversation
Melo-D Melo-D 8 years
The family is too busy stuffing their faces and watching sports and talking about the Turkey Day game that morning so no one asks this question. Plus, they know I don't talk about it anyway. I have bigger things to address in my life. If they did ask, I usually just say "Because I'm not" with my irritated face that usually backs down anyone.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
"I don't feel like it, why aren't you minding your own business?"
CreateMagic CreateMagic 8 years
Haha. I love all these answers! This question used to irritate me to no end. Last Christmas I had enough, and I told anyone who asked that I knew they cared about me and were just looking out for me, but I would appreciate not being badgered and I would let them know when I felt it was appropriate if my status changed. They've been much better ever since. Very diplomatic, I think :)
bastylefilegirl bastylefilegirl 8 years
I'm not dating because the pool of guys in this area isn't the best you see how cousin XYZ's marriage turned out. or I'm not dating because I trying hard to get my life together and I don't want to have what I need before I bring someone else in my life. or Isn't it clear that I'm Asexual duh! or We all know about that birthdefect and I'm just not ready to let anyone in!
zagge zagge 8 years
When people ask me why I not datin I say he lives in France.whats he namn they say Johnny Deppand then they do not ak me more
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 8 years
I hate this question...I'm only 19, so they haven't completely given up on me yet but I can tell that they are wondering why I don't have a boyfriend to bring to Thanksgiving :oy:
baybelle baybelle 8 years
The questions never stop. First it was "why aren't you dating", then it was "why aren't you married" and now it is "aren't you planning kids yet". I wonder what they'll ask when i actually do pop out a couple of sprogs...
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Good topic and tips Dear! :) I don't understand why/how people can ask such rude questions... :/ looseseal: "Now, now, Aunt Bea, it's inappropriate for you to ask me out on a date. You're married and it'd totally be incestuous. Plus, no offense, but you're not exactly my type." LOL LOL LOL, that's the best answer ever. hahaha :) flickster: Another awesome answer, lol. :D I have a boyfriend now and had a bf (the ex) for the last few seasons, so I haven't gotten any questions. My family and friends are pretty good about asking nicely, they just ask about my life in general, including whether I am dating someone or not, it's no big deal, so that's good. It's usually the random people I don't know very well who ask rudely, which makes it even worse...I barely know them!! 8-0...? w/e.
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
This question really is annoying. Why should I have to be dating? why am I automatically miserable since I'm single? I'd probably launch into my story about how the last few SO's I've had have been more like children. If I wanted to be a taxi driver, someone to find the first aid kit when you injure yourself through gratuitous, pointless violence, or the person that you ask for permission to buy irresponsible things... I'd be a mother. Eyeroll. Once I've started on that vein of conversation for a while they usually see why I remain single LOL
Jessiebanana Jessiebanana 8 years
Because it is 2000 and f*cking 8 and I don't have to be. In fact I have permission to be a single, successful, indulgent, child free woman my entire life. So there :p... It isn't exactly how I feel, but I think it is worth putting out there.
jennjennnbubba jennjennnbubba 8 years
I usually just make a randomly snide remark and move on to more important issues like Who brought the fudge? lmao
lawchick lawchick 8 years
partysugar, oh my gosh! did he have a good explanation??
apothecary06 apothecary06 8 years
I don't get this question much, but when I do, I pretty much always use #1. It's really a pretty obvious answer, and said the right way, turns it around on the asker and makes it sound like the dumb question it is. My take has always been, when I meet a guy worth writing home about, I'll write home!
tglynn tglynn 8 years
haha. I just visited my Gma in the nursing home a few days ago, and she asked me this question. Then she tried to hook me up with her male nurse. LOL
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 8 years
my awkward uncles always seem to ask this and no matter what I say they alwaaaaaaays start to ramble on about how i really should wait, because i'm too good for boys my own age BLAHBLAHBLAH. i think This season if i see anyone i'll tell them that i listened to their advice from last year and at 19 years old have gotten myself a 27 year old boyfriend. and he treats me like a queen.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
No one really asks me this who knows me well. They know I have only dated respectable, intelligent men. The man I married/divorced is very honorable now that he worked out the kinks from his young adulthood (great for his current wife LOL) And the fact that we're friendly speaks volumes regarding out maturity growth. In other words, people who know me (for real...) know that I'm not dating because I haven't met a man worth dating, so there's no need to ask. When I do, he'll be introduced.
partysugar partysugar 8 years
Since I've been single for three years, I get asked this question every time I see family members. I usually say I'm dating and then launch into a story about the latest douche bag. This year I've got a good one. I showed up on a first date and the guy totally called me the wrong name!
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Yep Nitachequita that's the right answer in my view, random is best. If I were single that would be my answer.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
"Now, now, Aunt Bea, it's inappropriate for you to ask me out on a date. You're married and it'd totally be incestuous. Plus, no offense, but you're not exactly my type." If you say you have high standards or anything to that effect, they'll just tell you to lower your expectations and just find a warm body with a pulse like everyone else does. Fortunately, most people today seem to realize this is an annoying question. I don't seem to get this question at all anymore ever since my grandma died. I'll knock on wood for this lack of intrusiveness to continue. If it doesn't, I have quite a few flippant answers at the ready.
Nitachequita Nitachequita 8 years
Ugh, I hate this question (along with "why aren't you married yet?"). I usually answer with one of the first two, although I'm often tempted to answer "because random hookups are so much easier".
hokiepokie hokiepokie 8 years
I ALWAYS get asked this question by one side of the family and it's so annoying. They really know how to make me feel completely inadequate, despite the fact that before I talk to them, I'm perfectly fine with not dating anyone because I don't want to settle. I'm tired of giving them the same answer over and over.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 8 years
I'm in my VERY early 20s, and recently, my aunt asked me whether I'm dating anyone special or have any thoughts about marriage, yet. It's quite frightening, and I hope people don't start asking those questions.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 8 years
I just say "no one is good enough." Point blank. They can't fault you for having high standards. Who wants to settle??
crazy07 crazy07 8 years
It would make me real mad if someone would ask me that cuz I think thats just my problem and not others
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
"the cult i just joined doesn't allow be to choose my own boyfriends." "i have a boyfriend! he doesn't get paroled until after the holidays"
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