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Trouble Keeping Friendship With Men

Group Therapy: Trouble Keeping Friendships With Men

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Throughout my life, I’ve always made and kept friendships with women (…and gay men… and lesbian women while we’re on the subject!) very easily. This has always been fine because I never felt like anything was missing from my life not having friendships with straight men. Unfortunately, I kind of think this habit of seeing people as “women are for to make friends” and “men are for to date” has become a bad habit. Now that I’m in the working world, I’m having trouble being friendly with male co-workers, and my new boss is a man and I really feel the gulf between us. My old (female) boss was a mentor with whom I’d regularly go to happy hour and meet up with on weekends here and there.

I’ve had a few straight male friends in my life, but every one of them has been disingenuous about wanting to just be friends. They either eventually try to hook up with me, stop talking to me when they get a girlfriend, or pick a stupid fight with me once I get a boyfriend. Now that I’m engaged I have zero straight male friends, and I’m pretty bummed about that.


I think that maybe I don’t know how to be friendly with a guy without him interpreting it as being flirtatious, or getting the wrong idea. So especially around male co-workers I think I act awkwardly overly professional, which just creates this big gulf between us.

I see women all the time who are able to be friends with guys, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. If anyone has any advice on how you can be friendly without it coming across as romantic interest I would really appreciate it!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
henna-red henna-red 5 years
If your fiancee has friends, then you have some guys to practice on. Spend some time in casual, social situations with him and a friend or two or his, and take things slowly while you get the feel of the boundaries. And have your explained your dilema to your guy? Perhaps he has some suggestions. Perhaps there is a bookclub, or some other casual goup activity that could give you some practice at learning to talk to men as friends. A cooking class, a ballgame,an event touring a museaum, or a walking art show, or garden tour. Takes practice, and learning to recognize within youself what are the signals of come meet a new frend and come meet a possible date. Casual and friendly is definaltely a diferent vibe than hey you're cute, watcha' doin' fri nite.
Quriosity Quriosity 5 years
One easy way to do it is think of the male friend as your brother! I mean... you'd never flirt with your brother or talk about topics that are suggestive. If they want more and you don't, then, just explain to them that you just want to be friends and that he's more like a brother. Trust me, when guys hear that you're treating them as a brother, that kills any romantic feelings. Go out often with a group of people with both genders, then it's easier to create the 'just friends' zone.
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
You might be over-thinking it all and worrying too much about the situation. That could make you act awkward. My only advice is just be yourself and don't place too much importance on being actual friends with these people. If it happens it happens.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
Men are people too, so if you just try to get to know them as a person and you will create friendships. Work is actually the best place to figure out how to do this since you have something in common already. You have no reason to approach them as a dating prospect so turn off the flirt and be yourself.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
While I have friends of both genders, I'm actually closer to the males because I feel like in general they're less dramatic and easier to get along with. I think the key is THINKING about them as a friend, not just as a guy. They should be your friend who's a guy, not a guy who's a friend, if that makes any sense.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
The first thing to look at is things to talk about. What topics do you most like to talk about? What topics do the guys at work most like to talk about?
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