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True Confession — Did I Give Him an STI?

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive the confessional below.

"I have herpes, and I planned how I would introduce the topic to my new found love but unfortunately, one thing led to another on Saturday night and before I knew it, we were having sex. I told him after the fact but I know that wasn't good enough. I also know that I'm the scum of the earth, and deserve to suffer in my own personal hell for as long as I live. I wouldn't wish herpes on anyone, let alone a man I purported to love. I pray that he tests negative, but either way, can I be forgiven for being so selfish?"


Join The Conversation
AshleyBaker AshleyBaker 8 years
I apologize but I had to register just to put my two cents in here... I personally voted forgive. From my perspective, it seems like you feel horrible about this. And yes, it was a bad thing to do, but hopefully you will never do it again. Plenty of people out there with such conditions such as yours do not care as much as you, and are much much more careless than you (I am not branding you as a careless person, you made one mistake)... I will pray for him tonight, and I hope he does not obtain this condition of yours. And I could state how, heaven forbid, if he does catch it, it was God's will, but I am not here to relay words of religion amongst such a serious climate as this. But in the end, things were rushed. Sex (in my eyes) should not be so casual. Take your time. Enjoy your life and god bless.
catt1 catt1 8 years
I would say forgive i feel for you hun it does take two, i know you dont want to hear this but i think you've blown it i think he'l find it hard to forgive more so if he tests positive.Fingers crossed he doesnt x
basketcase basketcase 9 years
I think in this day and age it is our own responsability to protect ourselves against stds. Its a very touchy subject. Forgive yourself.....he knows what the consequences are for risky behavior. I feel for you . There are lots of people who dont even know they are and continue to have unprotected sex. It is our job to assume everyone has something and protect ourselves accordingly.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I'd cut a b*tch! oh wait...i've a strong policy when it comes to intimacy. If he refuses to get tested, then he can be taken out along with the trash. I don't trust anyone who says no to protection right off the bat and that also would refuse to be tested. What you did was all sorts of wrong. He was also irresponsible and careless.
puddlesworth puddlesworth 9 years
I'm a forgiving person but theres no way I would forget someone giving me a disease when they knew better but just couldn't stop themselves. You are sick.
Safety-Pin Safety-Pin 9 years
I say forgive. It's a hard thing to tell someone you care about because you are frightened of scaring them away. You should have told him to be fair but the good thing is that you did tell him. I was stuck in a similar situation and I am glad that I was informed. I went to the doctors got tested and then started a immunisation course. I'm just glad I was told. I hope you two manage to work things out it sounds that you are regretful.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
not forgive-you should have told him. How would you react if the situation was reversed?
Cynnie Cynnie 9 years
Oops I think I got caught up in what I was saying lol... "Though, that is not why I said I wouldn't forgive you, the reason is you KNEW you had this because you ever had sex with him!! That's the awful part of the situation." I meant: Though, that is not why I wouldn't forgive you, the reason is you KNEW you had this before you ever had sex with him!! That's the awful part of the situation.
Cynnie Cynnie 9 years
I voted not forgive because do you know how life changing this can be for your partner ?? Though, that is not why I said I wouldn't forgive you, the reason is you KNEW you had this because you ever had sex with him!! That's the awful part of the situation. It was your responsibility to tell him...Even if things got hot between the two of you, you should of stopped and tell him. Not go with the flow. This is awful and I'd be forever upset because herpes cannot be treated, it never goes away ! Oh god...
happiness80 happiness80 9 years
Nah, I doubt this chick got any valtrex or wore any condoms. Most likely she was upset she got it from someone else and then decided to "spread the misery". This is the MAIN reason all these infections are passed - people like this poster who want others to share in their burden! So NOT FORGIVE.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
I think in this situation, it's more about whether he can forgive you for knowingly putting him at risk. If I had sex with a guy and then after he said "oh by the way, I have herpes so now you might have it too", I'd be pretty pissed off.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I say forgive. I have a friend who has herpes-she has been on valtrex to prevent her bf from getting it and they use condoms. Her boyfriend has never had any symptoms and they've been together for over 3 years. If you are on medication and used a condom, it's very unlikely that he got it, so I wouldn't be too worried about that. It's just the honesty part that will be a problem, he may not want to trust you now. You should tell someone that they run the risk. Hopefully he will still want to be with you because you do sound very regretful about it. Good luck.
shernic82 shernic82 9 years
Like someone else said, anything can be forgiven...but I would have a really hard time forgiving someone for not telling me they had herpes before I slept with them! I know you were in the moment, but you should have stopped him to let him know the deal, and then let him decide what he wanted to do.
ella1978 ella1978 9 years
Just to let you all know, it is pretty difficult to procecute for giving someone herpes. Basicaly the guy would have to do the following: he would have to have a test result in hand basically from the day before the nookie happened saying that he didn't have it, can prove that he didn't have sex after that evening for at least 3 months, then gets tested and comes up positive. Otherwise, it can be assumed if he tested positive that he had the infection before they even met, and there is no way to prove that SHE was the one that gave it to him. You don't see these lawsuits every day because they are VERY difficult to prove.
steviasweet steviasweet 9 years
My boyfriend got tested for HIV b4 we had sex (he hadn't had any new partners for 6 months) but he neglected to tell me that he had HERPES until after I found out I was pregnant, and of course I caught the virus too. Baby was born by C section b/c I was having an outbreak when I went into labour-newborns can die from a herpes infection transferred during a vaginal birth. 10 yrs later we are still together but a part of me will always hate what he did to me. Herpes can ruin your life.
richandfamous10 richandfamous10 9 years
Look - if it is bad enough of a thing where you an be legally prosecuted for it, it is a pretty bad thing to do. The law doesn't say - the guy should have asked for his own sake. Yeah that is smart but "in the moment" I doubt he'd say - "what is your sexual health background?" You are the one with herpes. You are the one that knows you have herpes. And you are the one giving it to someone else without that guy having any warning of what he is about to get. I just don't see how this can be forgiven. Sorry.
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
Man, I HATE it when I hear people saying, "Oh, don't beat yourself up over it..." Isn't that the point? If you did something terrible and you feel like crap, you damn well *should* feel like crap! That's a consequence of your actions that you have to live with. It would genuinely disturb me if OP didn't feel absolutely awful. Remorse isn't an emotion that should be discouraged - it's the only thing that separates us from psychopaths.
mtothawhat mtothawhat 9 years
I voted not forgive. I just don't understand how you couldn't have told him in the beginning? Not only did you put him at risk, you put future people he may want to be intimate with at risk. I'm sure you must feel horrible about this, but I'm ashamed for you. Hopefully you won't do this to anyone else from here on out. I'll keep that guy in my thoughts and hope he tests negative.
RoyalBlueMoss RoyalBlueMoss 9 years
I'm sorry everyone but I didn't post my comment that many times.
RoyalBlueMoss RoyalBlueMoss 9 years
LuvLeoDiCaprio LuvLeoDiCaprio 9 years
I believe in forgiveness so I say forgive, nobody is perfect. What you did was definitely wrong and you should feel terrible. Yet eventually heal and move on don't beat yourself up I mean you can't go back and change it. Also just a reminder that because you have herpes doesn't make you a dirty or lesser person and remember people that herpes is very common the stats are and this is a fact it's 1 in 4 people have and yeah herpes of the brain ok thanks for the enlightment but what are you trying to do make the girl jump off a bridge??
MA-cw MA-cw 9 years
Regardless of forgive vs. not forgive, this scenario is a really strong reminder to have open and frank conversations with a partner before having sex-- and as much as I dislike the "one thing led to another" reasoning, it is something that (unfortunately) has the potential to slip to the wayside in the heat of the moment. If a good thing can come out of this, it's that if this guy's test does come out clean, I'm sure he'll never have sex with a girl without talking to her about her health beforehand. And I'm sure the guilt the OP feels from all this will ensure that she won't make a mistake like this again, either.
cereal_please cereal_please 9 years
I voted not forgive. I'm sorry and I know you must feel terrible, but herpes is defintely one of my biggest fears in life and if a guy I was going out with gave it to me without telling me, I'd be beyond furious.. I don't even know what i'd do.
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