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True Confession — I Wish I'd Had More Sexual Partners

True Confession — I Wish I'd Had More Sexual Partners

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I wish I slept with someone — anyone — before I got married. I have nobody to compare him to, and I can't help but think he sucks in bed. I guess I'll never know. Does this make me a horrible wife?"


Join The Conversation
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
ofcourse, if u have just been with him only, your mind would wonder. but u feel like hes bad in bed because ure not fully satisfied. i think u should tell him, but gently. then he would try and pleasure u more. and who knows, u just might end up being more satisfied than u ever thought you could be ;) oh and yeah, it doesnt make u a horrible person and i voted forgive
omigodruserious omigodruserious 8 years
Wellll, I used to wish that as well/ My ex hubby SUCKED. I did all the advices listed above and none worked. Hubby number 2 totally rocks my socks. Then I started to wonder if it was ME in the 1st marriage til I found out his 2nd wife left him and they hadn't slept together in the past 3 years!! Hmm, don't think it was ME!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
This is totally normal and I am in the same situation but I would never act on it. As long as you don't do anything about it then it's totally normal to think about. I think everyone whether or not they were in the situation feels the same way when they are in a couple.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 8 years
Sometimes I wish that I'd had more sexual partners, just because I feel as though I'm inexperienced and somewhat naive. In all honesty, when I'm feeling naive or want to try something new I'm always upfront about it. Perhaps you and your husband should talk about this, and see what the two of you can do. I just suggest trying new things. The same old bump and grind can get boring after a while.
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
I think that if you think he sucks in bed, he probably does. I agree that you probably should have slept with more people, but now that you are commited to one, you need to find ways to communicate your needs to your husband so that he can satisfy you. Sex is all about communication, so explore your body through masturbation, read books and talk to your partner. Don't just say nothing and expect him to know what to do, he's not psychic and it sounds like maybe he wasn't very experienced before either.
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 8 years
I voted forgive- we all wonder if the grass is greener. As for your situation, I recommend doing a little reading for inspiration. You would be surprised at what you can find at your local library (613.96, I believe). Introduce a few things you learn into the bedroom. Give a little, and then start asking for some things. Or, take a visit to Frederick's, or if you have a Hustler Hollywood store nearby, you may be able to find some interesting items to spice things up ('tis a surprisingly tasteful sex store, believe it or not, and they do have couples-oriented wares.) It's all about creativity, enthusiasm, self-awareness, and practice. Good luck!
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i think that i'd forgive this comment- it's reasonable if you think about it. just saying that you wish you had more experience isn't a bad thing - it's just how you are. for myself - i wish that i had less experience - but that's just my history and i can't change that.
schar schar 8 years
You don't need someone to compare him to. If you think it sucks, then it sucks. But you can fix just have to figure out if you want to.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 8 years
Wow she wishes she slept with "someone, anyone before she got married?" I just think there's more to it than just the sex. I really believe that when you love someone the sex will be good I mean you love him you're attracted to him, I've experienced this for myself. And when you love someone you don't need to compare him to anyone else in bed or otherwise. I just could never see myself sleeping with just anyone.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Dear, I was just wondering, do the people who write these topics actually see our replies? Because the topics are from another website. Are the writer's informed that we are commenting on whatever they said so that they can read the comments? Anyway...that's why I think that it isn't a very good idea to wait until marriage to have sex, sex is an important part of a relationship just like everything else. So, you want to know what kind of personality a guy has before you marry him, why don't you want to know how he is at sex before you marry him? But yes, I do understand religious reasons, even if I don't agree with them. To the OP:I said forgive, it's not a big deal to think that as long as you don't actually act on it by cheating or something. Try what other posters have said, like talk to him about it and try new things to spice it up...just take control of what's going on, those were good ideas.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
I think it's pretty silly to think that sex would be better now if only you have slept with more people, but it doesn't make you a horrible person. The crux of the problem is that you need to figure out what turns you on and drives you wild (like another poster suggested, read some erotica and pretty much explore your body with your hands and see what works - in a word: masturbate). These are things you can figure out for yourself to start with, having numerous amounts of sexual partners is not some kind of magical cure-all or "thing you MUST do". I think possibly having another person in the mix before you start to get a feel for it for yourself might be kind of awkward, but you can figure things out with your husband like your very own little special project as a couple, or figure things out for yourself first and then tell him what you want, or a mix of both, whatever feels better for you. As long as the two of you are willing to communicate, experiment and explore together, I see no reason why you can't have a satisfying sex-life with one partner. There's nothing like having that trust and comfort level and not having to worry about various things in the back of your head like "I wonder if this guy has an STD". It's kind of crazy that it's deemed "freakish" and almost "unacceptable" nowadays to have one sexual partner in your whole life, eh? I get that this is backlash against centuries of "no sleeping around or you shall burn in the fiery lakes of hell", but let's just relax about "what everyone else are doing" and realize that everyone's different and that's okay. What matters now is not what floats everyone else's boats, it's what floats your boat. Have fun figuring it out.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
This is your fault, don't blame him. Why are you expecting him to read your mind? grow up!
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Sex can be what you make it however in retrospect I don't think any amount of communication would have helped my ex's who were just plain BAD at it. Maybe consult a sex therapist?
LuvLeoDiCaprio LuvLeoDiCaprio 8 years
Geez it doesn't make you a bad wife , but a human being!
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
If you aren't happy with your sex life, why don't you get him on board with some experimentation? The more you discover what pleases each of you, the better it will get! If he isn't open to that, or doesn't seem to care about your pleasure, you need to get some marriage counseling or something to find out what is really going on.
Vsugar Vsugar 8 years
The answers are: No, you are not a terrible wife Yes, you SHOULD have had sex with more people before you got married BUT, there's nothing you can do about it now, except talk with your husband. I think a really good way to approach the conversation would be this: instead of saying (essentially) look, don't take this personally, but I'm not sexually satisfied (which he will OBVIOUSLY take personally), you should say: "Now that we have been having sex with each other for a while, I am feeling more comfortable being open with you, and it's suddenly occurred to me that I don't really have any sexual experience. I would really love to explore sexuality a little more with you - would you be comfortable trying some different things out together, and I can tell you what I like and don't like, and you can share the same thoughts with me? Different positions, different motions, different ways of touching each other and being with each other? Let's explore together and build our experience together. What do you think?? I really want to learn about what drives you wild, and I want to find out what drives ME wild too, because I'm not sure I know yet. Will you help me find out???" If he's any kind of normal man, his response to this will be enthusiastic, even if he's inclined to feel shy or sexually more conservative. If you approach it in this way, it only reinforces the message that you love him, that you are committed to him, that you share a special connection only with him, and that you love sex with him, AND it gives you a safe way to say that you don't like something: If you are in the middle of an "experiment" you can say, as you are trying something, "Hmm, I'm not sure this is doing it for me - try a little more to the left (or "try faster", or "slower" or whatever you want." If you are open and communicative with him, and give him something to work with, he will happily oblige, and then you will both feel great, happy, and ECSTATIC that you are finding great pleasure and satisfaction in your sex lives together. This should be fun, you should feel able to laugh at yourselves, you should feel open to saying enough for tonight, let's try again tomorrow. If he says no no no, you've got bigger problems and need to speak to a relationship therapist, either together OR alone.
glampop20 glampop20 8 years
I this this is natural. We can't help but be curious about our sexuality and wonder what else is out there. I think you should talk to your husband and explain to him that because you have never slept with anyone else before him, you think you should experiment and try new things. Maybe you can suggest role playing, using toys in bed, or doing it in a new position. Try to spice things up and create the sex life you believe you want to have. You can definitely mold your sex life!
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 8 years
practice makes perfect! it is what you make it! just as life is!i like the idea above of reading and practicing. good luck
diazy diazy 8 years
I have had only one sexual partner my life. Until I had my two babies I wasn't that into sex. I had a really low sex drive and wasn't that adventurist thinking most things people thought where normal dirty or icky. Then I started reading erotic stories online while pregnant because suddenly my sex drive went through the roof. I learned a couple of things and started practicing it on my husband. He is a very happy man because neither of us had much experience in that department so while he was disappointing me I was even more so because I wasn't even willing to learn. My point is go read stuff online watch some porn then subtly try and guide him. I wasn't so subtle and my husband wasn't very impressed with me for a while until I gave him a blowjob hehe something I haven't done in 9 years then it was only like quickly hehe As I said he is now a happy man and I'm a happy woman. Say something what do have to lose be the aggressor maybe that will help? If not therapy might.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Hm, I voted "not forgive" because you need to talk to your husband about it, even go to a sex therapist. You made your bed (so to speak!), you lie in it. You were adult enough to think that this was an adult choice to made (and it is a responsible one!) so be an adult and deal with the problems you see happening. No one is amazing in bed right away. I strongly urge you and your husband to work on it a LOT. If he's coming too soon, or not doing what you want, tell him! But seriously, if this were me I'd find a sex therapist. Or talk to your minister or couples counselor at church - these things come up a lot - try to get referred to a non-religious therapist, then see if that person recommends sex therapy. It's your marriage, you only get one!
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 8 years
I dont think it makes you a horrible wife at all! And you DO know for sure that he sucks, if you have to ask or wonder at all then chances are he probably does suck in bed. And having multiple partners before him wouldnt necessarily change or affect that about him. You probably wouldve married him anyway if you loved him. Chances are any partners before him could have sucked, too. Most guys do suck at it. So whatever you do, do NOT regret wasting your time on that! Its not like that would really help you with your problem at hand. If he does suck, the only thing that would change that is communication. He cant know that he's doing shit wrong if you dont tell him or show him what to do.
Mykie7 Mykie7 8 years
There are many things you can do together to spice up your sex life, but the FIRST thing you need to do is talk to him. If you don't know how to do that, you can always see a counselor who can help you get a dialogue going. Having a bunch of sex partners is a BAD idea for sooooooo many reasons. Don't regret that you didn't, just make what you have better. It will be OK, but you have to start the communication.
Melo-D Melo-D 8 years
Without putting your business out there which you shouldn't anyway, ask friends what do they do. I understand the plight of having no experience but it's really about imagination. Above all, you need to talk to your husband. Besides, wanting to be able to compare him to someone is quite harsh and honestly ridiculous. Like sonya said, you can get better at it and it's definitely not the end of the world. Another idea, purchase a book. There are plenty out there.
jessie jessie 8 years
experiement...its up to you to change it...try new never know what fantasy's he may have in mind either. you may tap into something that he has been wanting to try....give it a both may be surprised. but NEVER tell him you wish you would of slept with more men...instant mood killer
sonya-ina sonya-ina 8 years
Wow, that's pretty harsh. You should definitely talk to your husband about it, but don't tell him you wish you had slept with other people before you were married. What exactly makes you feel like he's bad in bed? Gently tell him what you don't like, and what you DO like. Luckily, sex is something you can get better at. It's not the end of the world.
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