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True Confession — Why Is He Still With Me?

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive this True Confession or not.

"I have no idea why my partner is still with me. He's more attractive than I am and I doubt I'm the only woman out there crazy enough to put up with him. He's going to realize this any day now. I know I shouldn't think so negatively about myself, but sometimes I can't help it. Do any of you ever feel the same way? Please say yes so I can forgive myself for having such low self-esteem!"


Join The Conversation
calli-gurl calli-gurl 8 years
its completely normal to feel that way. ive never been in that situation before so i cant say that i know how u feel. but yeah, i guess its normal. dont let him know though. it would make him proud and he wouldnt hesitate cheating on you. and everyone is pretty, if u dont feel pretty outside, u know ure pretty on the inside. lighten up. believe in ureself
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
Attractiveness is not just about appearance. There are many times when I met someone very physically attractive who had a terrible attitude or personality. To me, that makes them ugly. And there have been many times when I have gotten to know a so called average looking person who has a wonderful personality, makes others laugh, has a great heart or is just a great person. To me, that makes them a very attractive, appealing individual. Someone that others are drawn to. It's not all about appearance. My ex was a really good looking guy. But he had some serious issues, and did not treat me or others very well. After awhile, that made him ugly to me. My fiance now complains sometimes that I am out of his league. He may consider me more physically attractive, but I look at his sensitivity and his big heart and think how lucky I am to have met him, and how attractive he is.
sunnyheart sunnyheart 8 years
Not forgive! You're under-valuing yourself and believing you're worthless, and that's unacceptable in your higher power's eyes. And not to be blunt, but that super, awesome, incredibly better looking guy is staying with you because he knows you think you're worthless. He gets a power trip from you always telling him how awesome he is and how you don't deserve him. And, since you believe you're below him, if he leaves or screws up, there's no remorse on his part--you were always out of his league anyways. The funny thing is if you just believed you were worth him, you would be.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Girl, you need help. You need to find some way to like yourself. Firstly, you have very uncomfortable emotions about yourself. Secondly, your uncomfortable emotions may jeopardize your relationship. Pretty soon, your boyfriend may consider you the way you consider yourself. He may leave you over this. Learn to value yourself, and other people will follow suit, and value you, too. I somewhat relate to you, in an opposite way. I'm more attractive than my husband (if I do say so myself). However, my husband has a very healthy self-esteem. He likes who he is, and he's comfortable with himself. He has a confident, easy-going body language and speech. That is DAMN attractive and hot! I've had friends that found him pleasant and attractive just talking to him on the phone, as his personality comes across the phone line. So even though you don't think you're as physically good-looking as your boyfriend, you can still "measure-up" in other ways. If you learn to like who you are, you can be very, very attractive.
Marci Marci 8 years
I don't think the 'Forgive' 'Not Forgive' relates to this. The guy is with you because he wants to be. Why can't you just go with that? The more you second guess it, the more you'll bring those feelings to the relationship, and soon enough things will sour and he'll be gone. Then you'll say 'I knew he'd leave me'. Why not just let things be and give it a chance instead of questioning it and bringing things in that don't even exist on his part?
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 8 years
You know everyone has their moments of insecurity. Even J-LO and Victoria Beckham have admitted that there are days when they just don't feel attractive at all! And they're on every sexiest woman list you can think of. And I know girls who at a first glance you wouldn't think are beautiful but have the guys lined up around the corner. Why? Because they're confident! This is something that you have to work on yourself people can tell you all the time how great you are but until you realize your worth for yourself you won't portray it in your personality. You deserve the best! Maybe you're the one who's too good for this guy. You deserve someone who loves you and will treat you like a princess, never ever settle. You're only young once and you only live once.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
If you don't believe in yourself, trust that no one else will. Then maybe he'll be wondering why he hasn't found someone better.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
Ummm...that's just sad. Is there anything you DO like about yourself?
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Here's the truth: it's not okay to think like that. Forgive yourself (I voted forgive) for having the thought, but like any bad actions, you MUST work to put these ideas out of your head or you will ruin your own life and your boyfriend's. I'm being deadly serious; negative thoughts and self-talk genuinely impact relationships and personalities in real and damaging ways. So work on stopping these thoughts!! If you have to snap a rubber band on your wrist every time you think one - so be it!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
It's okay to think like this sometimes but it's completely ridiculous if you think like this all the time.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 8 years
I'm with you Zabrow, I don't' get where this is a forgive or not forgive situation. IMO, it's not about forgiving yourself, she needs to do something about her self esteem.
ohkayla ohkayla 8 years
This reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda gets a date with hot detective, and worries about it. Then she gets obscenely drunk and ruins it. My advice is enjoy what you have, stop worrying and take a good look at yourself, you are probably an amazing and good-looking person and just don't give yourself enough credit.
platinum89 platinum89 8 years
hes with you because he wants to be... stop being superficial and only seeing whats in the mirror. attraction is not just based on looks but on how you treat other people and your personality. he obiviously likes you more than looks or (in your opinion) he wouldnt be with you.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 8 years
I think your negative thinking will be the cause of your relationships demise. He's with you because he wants to be. He probably thinks your the most beautiful person in the world but physically and mentally. Attraction is not only physical. You have more to offer than just looks. Concentrate on that, stop thinking about the day he breaks up with you (which may not happen) and enjoy your relationship. You need to work on your low self esteem. Do what you can to make yourself feel and look better BUT make sure you're doing it for YOURSELF!
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 8 years
Sometimes people don't see their physical attributes the way others do. Not to mention relationships have mostly to do with what's inside; what kind of person you are, how you treat others, etc. It's so hard to see in yourself what others see in you - believe me, I know.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
My boyfriend is way more attractive then I am. He's like.. model hot and I'm... suzy homemaker cute. But he is with me because he finds me very attractive, I treat him like gold, he treats me like his partner in crime and frankly we're perfect for each other... even if from the outside it doesnt look that way. If he treats you badly or if no one else would put up with him then dont stay with him just because he's good looking. Then you are just making yourself ugly on the inside as well. Good luck
mkms78 mkms78 8 years
Sometimes people truly know that it is what's inside that counts. Stop looking down on yourself, he must see something very special.
Pink81406 Pink81406 8 years
Well I am in the opposite situation. I'm more attractive than my boyfriend. And I am not tooting my own horn trust me. But I love him and we've been together over 2 years. I love everything about him and now I love the way he looks. Common sense tells me in every relationship one person is more attractive to than the other. Doesn't mean he's not attracted to you too.
fantome14 fantome14 8 years
The forgive/not forgives are getting weirder and weirder. Why do you need the permission of a bunch of strangers to forgive yourself for low self esteem? You are to be pitied, not unforgiven. Either he is a great guy who sees past the things you think are horrible about yourself, or he is a douche who stays with you because your low self esteem means you will put up with him and let him get away with whatever he wants. I only mention this second possibility because you brought up that you "put up with him," so he must be doing something that needs putting up with.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i am going to stop voting in these stupid things they're so random and weird and almost always they're just a girl fishing for compliments
lawchick lawchick 8 years
I sympathize with you, as a fellow sufferer of low self esteem. I felt this way until I got married, and even now those feelings creep up from time to time. The worst thing you can do is continually express these feelings to your partner. You need to find some things to make you feel better about yourself -- volunteering or a hobby, maybe. Good luck.
zabrow zabrow 8 years
how is this a forgive or not forgive situation?
cmd0610 cmd0610 8 years
In you head or on paper make a list of things that are positive about yourself- this is a good exercise for yourself and to help you understand all your good qualities that your "more attractive" sigfi other sees in you! Also just take a step back, and like Tidal said- he has his reasons for still being with you . . accept that, trust him, and stop stressing over nothing.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
He's with you because he wants to be. If you won the lottery would you say, "why me? I didn't do anything to deserve this."? And worry incessantly over it... Just enjoy the things you have instead of questioning.
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