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True Confessional — I'm Keeping My Mouth Shut!

True Confessional — I'm Keeping My Mouth Shut!

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive the confessional below.

"My husband just told me that a group of his friends (who are married to my friends) all have mistresses. ALL OF THEM! They have a very organized system for seeing them on a regular basis — in town and out of town. I can barely look at my girlfriends now when they say their husbands are out traveling for business. I keep my head down and my mouth shut because I don't want to create drama, but I know they deserve to know. Can I be forgiven for staying mum?"


Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
I think that the husband is probably horrified to know this information. He told his wife in confidence as a means to gain her insight and wisdom. There are ways to let these women know and remain anonymous. Maybe a muffled phone call or an email would be sufficient without anyone knowing who blew the whistle on these pathetic low lives. When will people have some decency and self respect? Even if nothing happens you can live with yourself for doing the right thing. If you really had some balls maybe your next step would be a big dinner at an out of town event with these men along with your husband and ask them in between desert who their all f--------g lately? After that calmly explain you can't be seen in their social circles anymore, it would just hurt your reputation.
JeepsterQT JeepsterQT 9 years don't know their situations in their marriage and marriage is a very private thing. I think you should stay out of it but be there for your friends when the sh*t hits the fan. It's not your place to start drama.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I don't really think it was fair of your husband to tell you this, because it puts you into a really uncomfortable situation. Is there some way of telling them that would be anonymous? Just a thought. Also, did your husband ask you to not tell them, because if so, that really is not fair to you at all. Personally, I think these women need to know this information, but I understand why you would not want to be the one to tell them.
giveveesomesugar giveveesomesugar 9 years
Stay out of it. Your friends will hate you more if you tell them. Some might know and just pretend not to know anything about it. They will find out, but in their own time. Just be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on.
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
It's so hard to know what to do. It comes down to how well you know your friends, I suppose, and guessing how they'll react. An ex-boyfriend of mine found out that his friend's girlfriend was cheating. Everyone knew except his poor friend. My ex-boyfriend took him aside and filled him in, and his friend was devastated by the news but also grateful to know the truth. He said, "Man, you're the ONLY person I'm happy with right now." However, when it came to light that my best friend's boyfriend was cheating on her, she reacted very badly after finding out. Not only did she refuse to believe it, but she cut out ALL of her friends. We didn't speak for half a year, and even five years later our relationship is still recovering. So tread carefully, and if you do break the silence be prepared to lose your friendships with some or all of these women.
Advah Advah 9 years
Tough one. I was gonna say keep it to yourself because you never know how things work in a couple, and you'd be surprised of how many people actually know one is cheating on the other but don't like that being told to them. But then, as other people said, if I were in this situation I would like my friends to tell me that my husband is cheating on me. Also, a few years back my aunt and uncle got a divorce - after 20ish years, she found out he'd been cheating on her with a LOT of people. The worst part was that ALL of their friends knew about it, knew who the other women were, and openly talked about it with him. I can't tell you how hurt and humiliated she felt, she saw it as being betrayed by her husband and her friends. She still refuses to talk to them (=her friends), and I can't say I blame her for that. So, I don't think it's a question of forgive or not since the situation is tricky. But if what your husband said is true, I don't think you're doing your friends any good by not saying anything. And as many people said, I've had friends cheating on their significant others, and I was so disgusted I stopped hanging out with them on a regular basis because I'd lost my respect for them. It might just be me, but I'd find it a bit worrying to have my husband saying his friends are cheaters and being ok with that.
Hootie Hootie 9 years
Wow, if you're good friends with these ladies you shouldn't just stick your head in a hole and play dumb. What if your husband was/is doing the same thing? Wouldn't you want to know? I understand not wanting to destroy a marriage but their husbands already took care of that. Cheating is not acceptable. HIV & STD's are very serious. Condoms or not.... Those wives are at risk if their husbands are fooling around. Wouldn't you feel worse if you found out one of those wives was infected by her cheating spouse, and you might have been able to prevent it? Well, I guess everyone is different but I would not call myself a friend if I kept that secret from someone I cared about. Send an annon. letter is you must... Or just keep doing what you are doing, Nothing. I wouldn't forgive you if you were my friend. Just my opinion.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
Of course, you shouldn't just blab to their wives, but you should try to push the husbands to come clean. Imagine how you would feel if you were being cheated on...You have a right to know, and it's always better sooner than later.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
Not forgive. I honestly think you were trying to do the right thing and you were being a wonderful, caring person. HOWEVER, if my husband or even boyfriend was cheating on me, I don't care who it is, I want to know! Their cheating is ruining the life of someone that loves them dearly, and their wives deserve to find someone better and move on.
AKirstin AKirstin 9 years
If your husband told you about this situation because he feels bad about it and needed to talk, than I'm sure he will understand *YOUR* need to get that shit out of your life, as well, one way or another. If he couldn't live with sitting on that knowledge, how can he expect you to? (On the flip side, if he is trying to tell you something else, perhaps his opinion of what you do next should not be taken into consideration in the first place. Ahem.) Tell those boys that either they tell their wives, or you will be forced to. Most people would much rather confess, which may lead to forgiveness than be "caught", which makes them look so much worse, doesn't it? You could sidestep this entire situation by forcing their hands.
samischo samischo 9 years
i totally understand how you would not want to get in the middle of this. on the other hand, if my husband was cheating on me and my friend knew and didn't tell me, i would be so mad at her. once my now ex boyfriend was cheating on me, and my friend found out and told me. i had already suspected it a few times, so i really wasn't too surprised. i actually let it slide for another month before realizing i derserved better. but i was extremely grateful to my friend for getting me out of that relationship and then helping me through my devestation. good luck in whatever you choose to do.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
Omg! This is a crazy situation! I feel so sorry for you and all the women that are probably being cheated on!! I would say tell the women though, even if they aren't your good friends, don't you think they deserve to know about something like that!? I mean, I would want my friends to tell me if they new something like that. I guess is does just depend on how well you know them though. I would say forgive you though, b/c that is just a hard situation to be in. I would also, like a lot of people said, be worrying about my own husband at this point...why did he tell you? Is he including himself in his group of friends? I'm not saying he has to be cheating too, but whether he was or not, that situation would def. make me worry to death about it. I also agree with some people that said, if you know all the details, like how their system works, try and put the wives in a situation to find out for themselves, that would be the best scenario I think. Good luck!
courtneyh courtneyh 9 years
Gah. this is such a sticky situation. My feelings are, if these women were your BEST FRIENDS, then you should probably be damned to hell for not telling them. Think of all the heartbreak and STDs they are going to be exposed to. However, if the situation is more of-you only know these "friends" because their husbands work with your husband and you see them around every once in a while, of course it's not ok for you to get into their business and deff should be forgiven!
Amanda-tay Amanda-tay 9 years
I had a relationship with a married man for 5 months. His wife thought that he might be cheating on her, but she had no proof and therefore was not about to sacrifice their marriage, business and child because of a hunch that she had. Also, he was very careful.. most cheaters are. His wife will never truly know that he ever cheated on her with me or with anyone else. I wish I had the courage to tell her because I think that she deserves better, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Unfortunately for you, it is a very bad sign that your husband's friends are unfaithful to their wives. The married man I was with had friends that knew about me and they were all cheaters too. Be careful.. I do think that you should tell your friends. Today honesty is rare, but certainly appreciated.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
Y'know, if you know their system of how they meet up with their mistresses (and perhaps where), maybe you could set something up so that their wives would catch them themselves.
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 9 years
this is an important matter. you pretty much hold the key to several marriages' happiness- or apparent lack thereof. if your husband didn't want to deal with your response, he shouldn't have told you. (ps- why is he friends with such aholes? is he like them too?) I think you should tell them- or at least try to catch each of their husbands in the act.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Lordy! Just hope he isn't one of them.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
and then to say you wouldn't tell your friend because it makes things hard for yourself?!? i think i can sleep better with a friend who is p*ssed at me for telling her the truth (or my concerns) than i would if i held something like this in. but that's just me. i guess some are more concerned about themselves. how would you feel if you found out your hubby is cheating, and spending YOUR money (you know, your shopping money, or money to get that granite countertop put in) on some slip-sliddin' wh*re who gets County checks, and your friend knew about it the whole time and didn't say a WORD??? be honest. think about it. you would be done with that h*, and you know it.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
see, that's why he told her. Poster of a Girl said: "I'm pretty sure your husband would have to be pretty stupid to tell you this if he was doing the same, so don't even worry about that." that keeps his tracks covered, because "why would he say that if he's cheating too?" i'm not saying he is, but don't be no donkey.
alphaxigirl07 alphaxigirl07 9 years
i don't think i'd say anything, even though it would be hard for me not to! although these are your good friends, this isn't like a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.. this is marriage. it's a whole different level. and just like everyone else has mostly said, i think i'd be questioning my husband more than anything else. that would be the concern that would be on my mind the most. if you really want to, you could try to open their eyes to it without really saying anything by talking about cheating in general.. see what they say.. you never know. good luck, it is definitely a hard and sucky situation to have to be in!
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 9 years
I'm pretty sure your husband would have to be pretty stupid to tell you this if he was doing the same, so don't even worry about that. I'm sure it was just bothering him and he needed to tell somebody, he is just sharing the burden. Keep if between you two, no need to open that can of worms. You are deffo forgiven.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
why did he tell you? was it bothering him? does he think you might already know? i told a friend that i saw her dh with another woman (someone she had already told me she suspected) and the result was that she confronted him and then we didn't speak for awhile (several months). they are still together (this happened about 3 years ago) so that is a akward situation there for me and him. so anyway, i'm not sure telling them would improve YOUR situation. but eventually one of the husbands will slip up and then all the bricks will come tumbling down. then it will probably come out that you knew. so your husband really put you in a bad situation.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
If YOU were my friend, i would tell you. i'm sorry. but i could not do that to my friend. if them h*s were just friends by default (all of our hubbies are just friends), then i would stay out of it. i just couldn't imagine doing that to my best friends. your husband shouldn't have told you something like that if it was about your close friends. and what the hell is he doing? you gonna sit here and tell me all of your friends have orchestrated their weekly romps with their wh*re-cats, but he is the only angel out of the group. mutha-f*cka, please . . . the way i would tell my friend would be a different story, but i wouldn't keep quiet. i can't say what another person does or should do. i just know how my relationships with MY friends are. we don't hope a b*tch would tell them their tampon string is showing, but get mad and say it's not your place when it comes to cheating-b*stard husbands/boyfriends (or potentially gay fiances). but i forgive you, because i'm not sure how the dynamics of your friendship with these ladies are. BTW, maybe you should start checking bank statements . . .that's a good start for your investigation. you can't possibly think YOUR hubby ain't doing the same after he snitches on his boys.
MsWalton MsWalton 9 years
I forgive you totally! It's a double-edge sword. On one hand, you can tell your friends what's going on, but they'll be upset because they'll want to know how long you've been keeping the secret. Then again, you could just leave slight hints. That way, your friends could put the pieces together on their own w/out you directly telling them.
Josephinesmom Josephinesmom 9 years
I would tell. I believe that every woman/person has the right to have all the information so she can make informed decisions about her own life. If you don't feel comfortable telling her personally, send some sort of anonymous message thru email or the mail. I would want to know, and I would be devestated to learn my close friend had not told me.
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