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The Truth About One-Night Stands

Whether you're into one-night stands or not, a recent study shows that men and women engage in them with completely different intentions. Guys are interested in just one thing, the sex (what a surprise!), whereas women yearn for the feeling of being desired and needed. Of course, guys end up getting what they crave, but most women just end up feeling used and emotionally crushed. They have hopes that this one night of passion might turn into a lifetime of love and romance, but it's often a huge letdown because after that one night, they're no longer wanted.

When it comes to casual sex, women feel flattered that a guy is that interested, but according to Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England, "What women don't seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand." She goes on to say that in fact, women shouldn't feel flattered at all just because a man wants to have sex with her one time.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with carefree one-time-only sex (even though there's the risk of contracting an STI), but it's important that women know what a man's intentions are. If she's on the same page, I say be safe and go for it!


Join The Conversation
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
The thing is, even if you use condoms, you can still get herpes, crabs, genital warts, hpv etc... All it takes is skin to skin contact. There is no such thing as 'safe' sex anymore. I have had one night stands before, but I found them ultimately very unsatisfying. I just don't think the risk is worth it. Also, I don't think that most women get what they want out of it, which might be sex but it is likely also to feel truly desired and intimate with someone. You can only feel that way in a long term relationship.
Nyrina-Windu Nyrina-Windu 9 years
I see your point zombielove. A lot of women feel the way you do. I mean this is the year 2008 and women have their feelings more in check when it comes to what they want, short or long term. I don't agree with the one night stand bit. But I'm only in my mid thirties, so who's to say that I would never go back on my words even once later on. So I can't judge anyone else on this board for loving their one night stands. I don't know that feeling of having one, yet.
zombielove zombielove 9 years
WRONG on women being the one's yearning for feeling of desire and wanted. that's crap, its not all true. i do it for the booty too, i dont expect more from it.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 9 years
Is this 1889? Plenty of women have one-night stands and expect nothing and WANT nothing more than sex. Get a clue.
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
I don't think women are that naive, really. Why would someone who just have been offered the possibility of having sex think out the blue "wow! this must be really special, since he/she never cared about me or knowing me deeply before doing this!" COME ON!
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
Well I agree with this study...for me at least. I never had a one night stand, but the idea sounds very exciting and fun and wild and crazy and I really want to do it. Buuuut, I know I prob. never will, or at least, I shouldn't do it, b/c I would def. be one of those people that end up feeling hurt and unloved afterwards, lol. And rock and republic, I don't think only "deluded" people would think that. People think things like that without realized it, its not like they are having sex thinking "we are going to fall in love and be married and live happily ever after!" It's more like some women just kind of assume (without realizing it!) that the guy will like them after that night because that's how the women thinks. Its really hard for people to realize that other people don't think the same way they do, so if a women feels interested in the guy after sex, she most likely without thinking, assumes he thinks the same thing...b/c that's just how people think right!? lol. No! So I agree that people aren't really that stupid.
Clarby Clarby 9 years
I disagree that women can't handle them. I know plenty of women that carry condoms and when they want sex they go get it. I'm sure they lower their standards on occasion as well. I think it's an excuse to say women are only looking for a relationship. I'd like to think everyone wants a relationship but society has accepted the belief that men are more comfortable to have sex with someone they ultimately don't want to date. I think women are just as capable to have this belief.
sourcherry sourcherry 9 years
I'm sorry, but most women are smart enough to realise the guy wants nothing more than just sex, and to know that most guys will have sex with you if given oportunity, nothing to feel all that flattered about! It's a one-night stand, who's expecting it to turn into something more? It's tiring to be always hearing that women can't handle anything just physical, and all thay want is a long term, steady, relationship...
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
This is funny... I've been in a hard to define relationship with a guy for almost a year and a half. He moved away in December, but he came back in town this past weekend and I met him at his hotel. I asked him to define our relationship... I even helped him out by listing all the options. But then when the best he could come up with was "man-friend"... I told him that we aren't a one night stand, but I refer to him as my "One-year" stand. The whole issue of a one night stand lowering standards, makes me wonder do friends with benefits do the same thing?
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
I've done a few one night stands, a handful of f*ck buddies (usually one begat the other) and I've never had a bad experience. Used lots of protection, my friends had his phone number and knew he was coming home with me (never went home with him, way too dangerous) and always made sure I had his number just in case anything happened... or if he was really good and I wanted to keep him around as a f*ck buddy. I would only have a one nighter when I was looking for a new f*ck buddy (old one got boring) or if it was a guy I knew previously and really wanted to do (those frat boys are so hot but NOT boyfriend material!) One night stands can be fun but you really have to have your emotions in check. I learned the hard way about guys when I was young and fell in love with my best friend (he was a guy) and he was not in love with me so I learned how to distance myself emotionally when I needed to. Most women cant do this which is why they get attached and get hurt, bad.
HayleyStark HayleyStark 9 years
"hugs and puppies". ha ha. I had a 2 year relationship out of a one night stand so anything's possible. But I don't think that's the norm. I think it's ok when both parties have the same expectations.
Clarby Clarby 9 years
One night stands are scary no joke. I look back at how stupid I was just a couple years ago. What I was willing to risk for a few hours of pleasure! No chance, even using protection there's so many risks. I don't judge people who do, they are fun and I've done em, but my future and my life and whomever I marry's life just aren't worth risking it anymore.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
Damn...You know, I'm the type to think about if that type of thing is right for me. Casual sex...Eh? I don't know. As a child I was always in tuned into my feelings and I take that shit to heart. Damn...I just went into a bio...oops. But hey, if you're the type of chick to get down like that then more power to you. But don't get all holy with you contract a damn Sorry.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
One Night Stands are a NO! NO! IMO. I'll leave it at that.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
this is worded terribly: "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with carefree one-time-only sex (even though there's the risk of contracting an STI)" - the bracketed text should read "(as long as you're protecting yourself from the risk of STIs)"
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Only the most deluded would think that other really liked them and it was all hugs and puppies. But i think mostly women fall for this.
ilikeatea ilikeatea 9 years
I would give woman more credit than Anne Campbell. We are not stupid enough to think that just because we bring some guy home for a one night stand that maybe we'll have babies and get married to them. NOT in the 80s anymore. Hello?! And honestly...if a woman was also just looking for a one night stand...doesn't she also lower her standards? Just to get some? Not an advocate of them..but I have had experimented with them in my younger years, and I have always known what they were and never gave the guy my number much less expected him to call...and just walked away QUITE ok afterward and didn't feel used. Because after all...if its a one night stand aren't you mutally using each other?!
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