Skip Nav
What Is It Like to Be in an Open Marriage? 1 Woman Shares Her Story
Popsugar Pride
24 Songs That Will Add Some Oomph to Your LGBTQ Pride Month Celebration
There's Literally a Video Game About Hot Dads Dating Other Dads and People Are Hyped

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited Advice From a Friend

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I have a friend who is in college and really likes to go out drinking and partying every weekend. She actually parties so much that she has failed some courses as a result. I am the exact opposite. I like to stay in more and I study a lot and try to get straight As in school. Typical differences between an extrovert and an introvert.

Here's another difference. I am always sure NEVER to give out unsolicited advice. (I would never try to tell her to live her life more like I live mine because I don't think there's a good and a bad way to live your life as long as you aren't hurting anyone.) My friend loves to give me unsolicited advice all the time.


Whenever I see her, she almost always makes a comment that I should really go out and drink more. She seems to think I'm lame for staying in, even though I do go out with friends at least once or twice per week. I'm getting so annoyed at her because she obviously thinks that her way of living is the right way and mine is the wrong way. I really enjoy her friendship, and I don't want to say anything to her that would push her away, but I want her to know that I don't think there's anything wrong with my life, and I'm not looking for any ways to improve at the moment. I understand there is such a thing as branching out and doing different things, and I do that, too, but I am not going to totally change my life just because she thinks that's the correct way to live. Whenever she gives me advice I just try to avoid saying anything much — I'll just say something like "oh" or "hmm."

How do you think I can get her to see my point without causing a conflict?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community. Maybe we'll feature your content on TrèsSugar.

Source: Flickr User Ben Werdmuller

Join The Conversation
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
When she tells you you should go out and drink more, you should tell her she should stay in and study more. She'll be pissed, but that will probably be the last time she says that. She knows she is a complete fuck-up, and wants to bring you into it to make herself feel better. Don't do it, focus on what you need and let her figure her own shit out.
sarah-lynn sarah-lynn 7 years
Every time she shares a few ideas for your "improvement", just counter with a few of your own for her. It's childish, but she'll get the point. I wouldn't worry about it anyway - is your way working? Are you succeeding in what you deem important? Well, that's all that matters, and to each their own.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
In regards to the pic of the fortune cookie fortune, personally, I prefer to be the moon.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
Hey if you're in school and studying going out once or twice a week seems pretty good to me. When I was in college I use to sit at the Bar in the early evening and read. People looked at me weird but that driving beat really helped me study. Totally stimulated my brain and kept me interested in what I was reading.
juicebox07 juicebox07 7 years
To the OP, I know how you feel. Although, it's not my roommate who does this, it's my boyfriend. We love each other dearly, and we do have stuff in common, but we also have our differences. He likes to go out drinking. I like to stay in and watch movies. We usually settle this by him being able to go drinking one night, and then he watches movies with me another night. However, he still gives me the "you should let loose and drink more" speech too. The thing is, my stomach seems to reject alcohol. I can't even drink a little bit of it anymore without my stomach being in an uproar for the next 24 hours. Also, alcohol is unhealthy, and I've seen the effects it has on some people. Plus, coming from a family with several alcoholics, it's really not that appealing to me. The only advice I have is to just be yourself. Explain to her that lifestyle isn't your cup of tea and you want to focus on your schooling.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
Are you two old friends that have changed over time and now things are completely different? Otherwise I can't imagine how you became close friends, either. Opposites can definitely be friends (ie extro/introvert) but you live completely different lifestyles. If you really want to keep this friendship going I would just say something along the lines of "listen, I love you, and I know you're just trying to help, but I don't tell you how to live your life so don't tell me how to live mine". There probably isn't a nicer way to say that last bit, though <_> PS: in cases like hers, where it IS hurting someone (aka herself) I think it is okay to say something, but on the flipside I suppose it's her life and her mistake to make. Good luck :(
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i meant i partied a lot in university (4 days a week) but i also partied every weekend in highschool and still had an A+ average
skigurl skigurl 7 years
she may think her way of living is better, but i can bet that she also is a bit jealous (if only subconciously) about your scholastic aptitude and therefore wants to pull you to the dark side as well misery loves company, and while she's out having "fun" i am sure it must burn her a little to know that you have much more discipline than her i'll be honest, i partied a lot in highschool (like hard 4 nights a week) but i also got good grades because i knew when to stay in and i knew to work hard during the days so i could party at night...there is a balance, but you don't need to feel guilty if you're happy with your life just tell her that your grades mean a lot to you and that you don't really want to party any more than you do because you are trying to keep above a certain grade level (if this is also the case, you could tell her WHY to have a reason, ie: you want to get into law school or you're working toward a scholarship or something like that)
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 7 years
I'm a mix of "girl who likes to go out and have a good time" and "hates giving and receiving unsolicited advice". I have to first point out that it does seem like you are judging her lifestyle choices... heck, I certainly am. I like to have a few drinks but I don't miss work or avoid responsibilities. She 100% does have her priorities out of whack, so don't play like you don't think that. That said, you have every right to live your life the way you want, and you not standing up for yourself with her is establishing a status quo for your relationship where you are a doormat and let her treat you and say things to you the way she wants and not the way you want. Friendship is a two-way street, and an honest conversation about your differences is completely valid, normal, and probably a good idea at this point. For the record, nowhere in your little spiel do I get the sense that you really do value her friendship... what do you have in common? It seems that she goes out without you and lectures you when you're together, and that you just "mhmm" her.
Why You Shouldn't Mom-Shame
Summer Bucket List For Friends
Life Lessons People Learn Late
BFF Desk Gifts
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds