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Vacationing With Friends Who Have Kids

Dear Sugar
My husband and I got married about a year ago. We've been invited to go on vacation and share a house for a week down at the shore with three other fantastic couples who all have either one or two children that they are planning to bring. This means that we would be staying in a five bedroom, three bathroom house with a total of 13 people.

My husband really wants to go, but I don't want to go at all. I can't think of anything less relaxing. I only get three weeks of vacation from my job all year and my husband and I barely get any time alone together due to our demanding careers. What's a good compromise to propose to my husband? And if he complies with me, how can I respond tactfully to our friends? Romance Me Nancy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Romance Me Nancy
This comes up very often for couples who don't have children of their own. Going away with families who have young kids means being on their schedule constantly. How close are you with these couples? Are you close enough to be able to reprimand their kids? If not, it can be difficult to shack up with them.

I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to compromise your long awaited vacation time to cater to the needs and the schedules of children when you guys are a newly married couple. I believe that in your first year of marriage, some quality time away alone together is very important in building a solid foundation.

I would just tell them that you just can't make it. Don't make it about the kids, just get out of it. As a compromise to your husband's sake, talk to him and the other couples about the possibility of joining them for the weekend portion of the vacation.

Your friends should be pretty understanding about it. You guys are in totally different places in your life right now. I hope that your husband is too. Kids are a ton of fun, but you certainly won't get the R&R or the romance that you are looking for if you are traveling with five of them.

Join The Conversation
SweetPeasMom SweetPeasMom 10 years
I would give it a try. Remember, you may end up helping your friends out, too by being an extra set of eyes on the kids. I know it's not your job and you want a vacation, but part of being friends is helping out.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
sweetc, it is very different when the kids are yours. then the things they do are clever! i use to not be a child fan, especially their screechy little voices. now i think they are just adorable. they say mother to one, mother to all. so anyway other peoples kids are fabulous to me now. as for this poster; DON'T DO IT. there's plenty of time to have family vacations when you have kids of your own. get together with them at a restaurant AFTER the vacation to see pix and hear stories. saying you want a "couples vacation" will get your point across.
lexichloe lexichloe 10 years
If this is going to be costly, don't go! Why would you waste money on being w/ couples and their children when you could spend that money on a trip you really want. I'm guessing more than likely you see these families on a regular basis. I wouldn't waste my time or money...
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
I agree w/ Atlanta's idea too. If you did do stay with everyone I bet your hubby will never want to do it again. lol I need my space. Arthur, your a very adventurous kind of guy, aren't you?
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 10 years
my bff has 3 little angels and after 24 hours me and my hubb are RUNNIN for the door lol needless to say i dont think we are having kids :)
Imabeliever Imabeliever 10 years
I have two boys (toddlers) that I love dearly and I don't even want to take them on vacation. Its not relaxing at anti-vacation. Even Disneyland is a chore. :) i agree with the other suggestions. Get a hotel nearby or only join them for a weekend or make others plans altogether if you think you can do so now without alienating your friends.
JennaV JennaV 10 years
I think Atlanta's idea is best.....I would get a nearby hotel. You can still go hang out all day and night but this way you are not tethered to them 24/7. Plus, 5 people in one room? :jawdrop: That doesn't sound relaxing or fun at all.
Arthur Arthur 10 years
Give it a try. I just went through the same thing. I was concerned that it would be hectic and all, but ended up having a great time. It is nice with friends to share a house, much more intimate. Give it a go, if it ends up being a problem, make up an excuse to leave. If you're husband is game, don't be a stick in the mud, at least try.
AtlantaNoleGirl AtlantaNoleGirl 10 years
LaLa had a good suggestion... I used to go to my ex-boyfriend's family reunions... think about 10 kids running around... and a lot of the childless couples would get a hotel room nearby (this place had a hotel on the same property as the rental units) ----------- “Buy me a dream: Shopping for clothes isn’t about the things you need, it’s about the woman you’ll become when you wear them.”
sabrinaland sabrinaland 10 years
Oops, I mean I agree with Dear Sugar! Sorry!
sabrinaland sabrinaland 10 years
I agree with Team Sugar in going for the weekend, instead of the whole week. That's a decent compromise. Two or three days won't kill you and you might have a good time! If not, throw yourself into the proceedings so that nobody suspects you are hating every minute of it. Hope it works out!
LaLaLaura LaLaLaura 10 years
You could also get a hotel room near the house. That way you could spend quality time with your friends and their families during the day, but have a nice quiet place to sleep (or not) at night.
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