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Want More Alone Time With My Boyfriend

"I Feel Like My Boyfriend Chooses His Friends Over Me"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

For the four months that I have been dating this guy, we've hardly had any alone time. Every time we go out, his group of friends always shows up and it's as if he forgets that I'm there. A month ago he moved almost two hours away, and recently, I was excited to know that he was coming to visit. I was brainstorming what we could do together until he texted me and said: "Me and the guys are going bowling tomorrow night." In other words, he'd already made plans without asking me what I wanted to do.

I can only remember being alone with him three times. Sometimes I feel like he chooses his friends over me. He leaves on Sunday, so for those two days it will be me, him, and his friends. Not once have we talked about what we see ourselves doing in 10 years or what our relationship status will be. I know that he misses his friends, but I wanted him to realize that I'm his girlfriend and I miss him too.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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mondon mondon 4 years
Try to think back on how the two of you met.  Did the two of you click, or was there an obvious mutual connection (maybe some body language, actual flirting, or the like)?   When the two of you got the few days of alone time, how did he make you feel, what were your conversations like, and does he do anything that made you  feel special to him?  If you have positive answers to these questions, and you really seem to somehow connect to this guy, then you need to talk to him.  Even if the only chance you have is to pull him away from his friends wherever you may be, and tell him what you need to say.  Don't let too many days or weeks pass by before you talk to him.  Be assertive without being overbearing, stay confident but not arrogant (they say confidence is sexy to a man), and tell him what you need and don't leave out anything important to you.  Don't be short when you talk to him, and don't come off rather harsh.  If he reciprocates and returns the feelings, that's great.  Just don't forget to tell him you need from him some one on one time going places together, learning about each other, and just enjoying each other.  Also, it seems like his friends are a big part of his life.  Don't forget to have a dinner party inviting him and his friends.  Also, if his friends are single, invite some of your single friends.  A great way to get his friends preoccupied while getting some time for the two of you in a social setting that he would enjoy.  Always let him know what your thoughts are and what you feel like leaning towards when you two plan a weekend together, or what not.  If he doesn't return the same feelings as you, don't fret, enjoy whatever does happen, but don;t stay in a situation that leaves you feeling unsatisfied.      
fresh1721 fresh1721 4 years
4 months in and it seems like you're on completely different levels. He seems way more casual than you. You seem to want something more serious. Have a talk about it then make a decision to stay or go.
matoad matoad 4 years
To be honest, given the way he seems to set his priorities, it doesn't sound like you're his girlfriend, more like his date. Which might be fine in other cases but it doesn't seem to be what you're looking for. So...
henna-red henna-red 4 years
OK darlin.....I have something hard to say, and I don't want to hurt you, but....if the two of you have never discussed your relationship status, then you are not his girlfriend.....if you two have never said hey...this is just us, and we're exclusive.....then you're not. What I'm hearing, here, is that you and this guy are friends, you've mostly been out together in a group of friends and only alone together 3 times in 4 months. What I also hear, is that he has one idea of the relationship you're having, and you have another idea......and I bet he has some clue about your idea....and for him, you are moving waaaaaaaay toooo far, waaaaaaay tooooo fast. That's why he keeps making this a bunch of friends. When was the last time you were alone together? How long has that been? And what happened those three times you were alone? What has led you to believe you are his girlfriend when you two have never discussed the status of your relationship? Has he used the word girlfriend? Or is that word only in your mind and not in his vocabulary? Sweetie, I'm sorry, but the relationship you've described here is not boyfriend/girlfriend. You haven't given many details.....but from what you've posted, I'd have to say that the two of you each have very different ideas about what this relationship is. All I can say is if you want to spend alone time with him, then you need to take the initiative and say so. See what kind of response you get....and take it from there. take good care girl, be well
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