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We Had Sex, and Now He's Avoiding Me

"We Had Sex, and Now He Avoids Me"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been dating this guy for a few months now, and before then we were good friends. We met at the workplace, and yes, I am currently looking for other employment (due to a new scheduling conflict with school). We decided to date, and things were going well. He always initiated the calls and text messages and invited me out.

I know he has a lot on his plate, with his job, his son, his overbearing parents. I am a patient person and I am a firm believer that respecting someone's life is essential. Things were starting to steam up with us, and he told me that he didn't want the sex to change anything because I am special to him and that he wanted to put his best foot forward.


We had sex, and things were fine afterward. A few days later he canceled our day date for the weekend, said he had a lot of things to take care of. I understood and left it alone. On Friday, we started exchanging some flirty texts, and the next thing you know, he invites me out for dinner.

We had dinner, and the entire time he tells me he can't believe that I convinced him but that he is happy I did. He asked me to spend the night, and we had sex for the second time. The sex is great, and he invited me to breakfast in the morning. Everything seemed great. We laughed, had a good time.

I didn't really hear too much from him over the weekend — just a few updates and asking how I was doing. On Monday I saw him and waved hello, and then he proceeded to avoid me like the plague. He sent me a message later on, letting me know that he is overwhelmed with what happened on Friday night and Saturday morning and just feels out of sorts. I then asked him if he needed some space, to which he replied, "I don't know. I guess." So I let him know that I respect what he is feeling and to take all the space and time he needs to figure things out, that when he is ready to talk, we can, and that it's not a problem. He said, "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome," and we haven't spoken since.

I know sometimes guys say things so they can let down a woman gently. I'm wondering if this is a clear sign that I should move on or sit tight.

Thanks for the comments!

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honestyAboveAll honestyAboveAll 4 years
I don't think he would be acting like this if he cared. For one, you should never let any guy disrespect you, and that's exactly what he did by ignoring you as you say 'like a plague'. Is this what you really want? By letting it go you give him a reason and space to disrespect you even more. Every time someone disrespects you, you should acknowledge it, especially if you mean to be romantically involved. I think you deserve way better, and once you put your standards where they should be, you are more likely to find it. Let him go and don't look back.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
I'm assuming he's a grown man, since he's a father. Thus it's not quite normal to feel overwhelmed just by having sex with a woman. If he said he needs space, then give it to him. Give him all the space in the world. If he realizes he needs you and wants you he will most certainly find you. Good luck.
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 4 years
I would suggest that you move on as well. If he was really into you, he would not be acting like this. Why would he feel overwhelmed by what happened with you?, from your point of view you two had a fun time together. Obviously he doesn't feel the same.. I would move on and stop talking to him.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Having read through this again, I would also, tentatively suggest that your fella may be down lo, with a lot of pressure from conservative parents to conform to a certain lifestyle. He may date in order to fulfill the appearance of social and/or familial expectations....just want to put it out there again that there is a vibe here that doesn't jibe.....
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Well, I would move on. He's initiating everything but sex, and when you initiate sex, he runs away. I'm getting a vibe here of an alternative agenda on his part. If he were truly overwhelmed by sex with you and the idea of sex with you, he wouldn't be initiating everything else. I suspect that you are not the only woman in his life, and he doesn't want any responsibility for a serious relationship with any woman. Commitment phobe, or just overscheduled, if this guy wanted more he's be saying so, and staying in contact. I believe he's now had exactly what he wanted, and you won't hear from him again, at least not for real dating. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he lets you talk him into bed at least one more time.... His responses are all wrong. This is a man with too many issues, who isn't going to work through them any time soon, and certainly not in order to build a real relationship with you. I would move on. good luck
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