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Wear Low-Rise Jeans Forever With the Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield

A Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield Is What Every Girl Needs

How low can you go? The only thing classier than letting your "gluteal cleft" hang out of low-rise jeans is covering it up with a decorative patch. You can choose from butterflies, chandeliers, fleur de lis, hearts, and peace signs (what, no whale tail?) and dress like it's 1999 well into the 21st century.

I'd say this is a joke, but a publicist is looking for someone to take on designer Kimberlily, maker of Backtacular, as a client. After all, it's not just for looks! "It’s a hypoallergenic adhesive patch" that is "applied directly to the skin above the gluteal cleft area of the buttocks."

And now I'm not sure if it's supposed to be an appeal to sex or public health!

Join The Conversation
cherryk cherryk 7 years
Umm no thanks, I'd rather wear an extra-long tank top than wear one of those stick-on tramp stamps.
vanilla19 vanilla19 7 years
You know what else would work? Pull up your pants.
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
If I saw this on someone before reading this I would think it was for a medical condition.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
Oh lord. Buy some dang jeans that fit you properly. If I saw a girl wearing this in public I think I might point and laugh.
fuzzles fuzzles 7 years
This is exactly why drive-by spackling should be legal.
jenni5 jenni5 7 years
So are they reusable? Or is it like a bandaid kind of thing? Either way if you need one maybe you should look for a higher rise jean.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
ok gran
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
lol.. i want one with glitter.
ShaynaLeah ShaynaLeah 7 years
I'm waiting for the follow up gluteal birth control patch ...although I can't imagine anyone finding someone wearing that attractive/sane, so perhaps it already fulfills that function!
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Much classier than a tramp stamp.
Soulduster Soulduster 7 years
It might work for the cliched plumber crack. I'd rather see a stick on tramp stamp than the alternative.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
you know what might also work? a longer shirt jesus h christ
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