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What Am I Really Waiting For?

Dear Sugar
I was dating a great guy for three and a half years. I have always thought he was the one and it seemed like we were on the same page. We both wanted marriage and we often talked about raising a big family together. However, everything changed the weekend after my best friend's wedding. Completely out of left field, my boyfriend broke up with me.

I was in shock. He told me that he just didn't feel ready to get married and he wasn't sure that he ever would be. Since our split, he has decided to move across the countrty to the west coast to try and clear his head. We decided to use this distance as a test as we have always been generally happy.

Two months have gone by since his move and my boyfriend has been telling my best friend that he is hurt that we don't talk as much because he is still in love with me. He continues to tell me that if he ever were to get married, it would be to me, but he is just not ready and since his brother is going through a nasty divorce, he has lost faith in marriage.

While I am doing everything I can to keep busy, I just can't seem to let myself move on. I want to make everything better and be together with the man that I love. What can I do to get him back? Should I move on with my life or wait for him in the hopes that he will someday want to marry me? Wishful Willa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Wishful Willa
I am sorry to hear about your sudden split. It sounds as though you and your boyfriend need to have a serious talk about getting serious! If you both still love each other, then it needn't be so difficult to talk about your future. It seems like he has gone to the west coast to escape life and escape having to make a decision about your relationship.

He has done what's good for him, and you have been waiting patiently for two months for him to come around - now it's time you get the answers you deserve. Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you both still care about each other, but if you don't want the same things, sometimes it is unfortunately the only way.

Is marriage a must for you? If your boyfriend has lost faith in the union of marriage, would you consider compromising and stay together without officially tying the knot? I just don't understand why it's so hard for him to communicate his feelings for you. After all, he is the one who should be expressing how he feels to you, not through your best friend.

I say, put a time limit on the waiting game. If distance makes his heart grow fonder then he'll come around. However, if he doesn't feel any pressure to be confronted with losing you, he may just leave you hanging for as long as he can. Take control of your life and you decide. Keep in mind, if you loved someone would you move across the country away from them indefinitely and risk losing them?

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