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What Counts as Cheating? 2010-02-19 12:00:08

The Last Normal Girl on Earth: What Counts as Cheating?

Here's a post from OnSugar blog The Last Normal Girl on Earth.

All right, I am in a couple's counseling class and infidelity is a common theme.  Where do people draw the line? Is flirting cheating? Kissing? Does an emotional bond need to be involved?  I am dying to know what you bunnies think!

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Source: Flickr User Grafik Mekanik

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erinsugar erinsugar 7 years
Anything you would do with someone you would not want your partner to witness you do, or anything you would not want your partner to do to someone else, is cheating.
cassie91 cassie91 7 years
I might be a little over the top and others won't agree with me, but flirting in my opinion counts as cheating. This is because it's a temptation and can lead to more things. I guess it also depends on the relationship you're in. If both people are fine with a little flirting, go ahead. But for me personally, I'm really serious in my relationship and have a deep bond. Any form of cheating, however little, is cheating to me.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
I think it is interesting that no one here has brought up the ambiguous role of electronic communication and what counts as cheating. If many of you think it is about physical contact, then by definition is it ok that your boyfriend/husband added an attractive work colleague as a friend on Facebook, or is texting a woman he met at the gym? Seriously, no physical contact, but communication that you won't know about unless you are snooping. I personally think the internet, social networking sites, texting,etc, have made it so much easier for people to fact, a good friend of mine's daughter who has been married two years just split from her husband exactly for this reason. Of course, there were other red flags in their seven year relationship, but the texting and his attempt to hide it was the lightbulb moment. My question much freedom is "too much" when it comes to privacy of the person you are with? To answer the initial question, I don't think flirting is cheating, because flirting can be a broad category of interactions....if I am joking with guy who is not my boyfriend and we laugh, people might look at that as flirting, but it is completely harmless.
seraphimm seraphimm 7 years
I voted Flirting. The minute my boyfriend feels the urge to flirt with another girl... I'd rather walk away than break down later, finding out he cheated because I ignored the first alarm. Life is too short to grow any tolerance to cheating.
b1uebunn b1uebunn 7 years
I think even flirting is cheating to a degree. It's a signal that you are interested and available, which you are not. It is the first step to going further. I'd define cheating as anything you wouldn't want your partner to witness you doing.
LastNGOE LastNGOE 7 years
I'm with Juicebox...I think I've dealt with a partner's emotional infidelity in the past, and it's beyond frustrating because the lines of fidelity are so blurred! Now my rule is it it pisses me off, it's cheating, and the boy must go far far away to the island of ex-boyfriends...
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I'm with Skigurl. I would get mad if my boy was out flirting with every chick out there, but I would smack him one as soon as he touched another woman.
juicebox07 juicebox07 7 years
Kissing is cheating. However, there is also a thing called emotional cheating. There could be no physical contact between two people, but it still could cross boundaries in a relationship. For example, if a guy was texting a girl intimate things, taking her out places, telling her he's thinking about her, etc., that would be crossing the line.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
Whatever your partner sees as cheating, of course! most people I know wouldn't end a relationship over a kiss, but I know there are people who would, and I expect everyone to know what their partner thinks about that.
LastNGOE LastNGOE 7 years
Thanks for all of your thoughts! Spacekatgal, I know that you do not like the name of my blog, and believe me, I do not actually believe I am the last normal girl on earth! I began this blog as a reaction to the kooky men I was dating at the time, and I really felt like I was the only normal person around! :) Back to the topic- I think it's a slippery slope. Once you've established a commitment, I would think that kissing is cheating- but then again, could I forgive a man who got drunk, made a mistake, and confessed? Possibly...
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
Also agree with lifeloveandlattes. Hence I even consider flirting cheating. I don't understand how so many people think it's "innocent"; doesn't flirting imply you're at least SOMEWHAT attracted to someone and you're acting on it? I wouldn't break up over it, but still.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with Lifeloveandlattes. My thoughts exactly.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
(Or would you tell her/him about it?)
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
I agree with a lot of what's been said. I think it's different for every couple. But, ultimately, I agree with lifelove. Would you do xyz thing in front of your partner? If not, it's probably cheating.
amandachalynn amandachalynn 7 years
*Or his consent. Goes both ways.
amandachalynn amandachalynn 7 years
I think any romantic intimacy with another person without my consent counts as cheating for me. If I'm involved it's obviously not cheating ;-).
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
Flirting is not cheating unless you're complaining about your partner to someone you regularly flirt with and are attracted to. That counts as emotional cheating to me because you have more emotional intimacy with the other person than you do with your partner. That said I think most flirting is natural and harmless.
Hello890 Hello890 7 years
Totally agree with Skigurl.
lifeloveandlattes lifeloveandlattes 7 years
Anything you wouldn't do in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
that being said, if my boyfriend was out and about flirting with every girl and making a habit of it, i'd be angry and probably would dump him, but it's not's just disrespectful
skigurl skigurl 7 years
the line, for me, is between flirting and kissing flirting = not cheating kissing = definitely cheating as soon as touching is involved, it's cheating if there is a long-term emotional bond which is more than flirting but doesn't include physical connection but is kept a secret, that's so close on the border that i'd still call it cheating (emotionally but still)
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
IMO flirting is a very natural almost subconscious reaction that no one should be blamed for. That being said once you realize it's happening and don't make a conscious decision to say okay stop it now then you're crossing the line because by continuing the flirtation you're enticing conversation and personal information from the other. But yeah flash a smile if some one's checking you out be flattered and move on.
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