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What's the Difference Between Friendly and Flirty?

Group Therapy: When Is Being Friendly Being Flirty?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a really good guy friend at work. We sort of clicked immediately when he started and we get along really well, work together really well and generally enjoy each other's company. However, I'm in a long-term, long-distance relationship (we're talking more than five years on my side, we're basically married), and he is also in a long-term relationship. I love his girlfriend and he really got along well with my boyfriend when my boyfriend still lived with me, he's since moved out of state temporarily for work.

Anyway, he and I are JUST friends. We practically act like brother and sister. But, for some reason every other person at work seems intent on believing there's something there that isn't. I'm a really laid-back girl, I'm easy to get along with, I'm chatty and I laugh a LOT (it helps me get through the day). My query is, should I shine on all the haters and just ignore the juvenile BS or should I change my behavior? I don't want it to become some weird thing, but I also don't want to change for other people when it isn't necessary. I'm happy, he's happy, but I don't enjoy being the daily gossip blog at work. Any opinions/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Interoffice dating or flirting is accompanied by a lot of controversy. The majority of companies frown on the practice. Not that you're doing anything wrong, because he's not your boss, your subordinate, or either of you is married. Its just looked at as unprofessional because people start to think of you in that context, rather than a true part of the workforce. Its a fact of life that as long as your boyfriend is away and you continue to have such a budding relationship with your friend there, you will be the topic of conversation. If it were me, I would cool down a little with the friendship only at work. If you guys are such good friends then it won't affect anything. Work is work. Family and friendships just don't belong there sometimes. Even though your boyfriend is OK with everything, I'm sure he's not blind to the fact that a danger does exist. If he doesn't say so, he probably thinks it sometimes. I'm sure he's not jumping for joy over such a great friendship with another single male friend that you see everyday. Its probably frustrating to him. All in all, I would bend a little to pressure and cool down, unless you're prepared to face up to some passive aggressive moves by management, like skipping you for a raise or a promotion without saying why.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
I used to be just like you, and it was a lot more fun to just be myself and not worry about people who are too close-minded to accept that friendships between men and women are possible. So don't make the mistake I made to change your behavior, because after many years of checking yourself it just becomes your new nature. I'm still a happy, sociable and outgoing person, but I miss my carefree outlook - and for what, for whom? Now I can't help but overthink all my mixed-gender relationships, wondering if I'm crossing lines or if the guy is into me; and while it has its advantages in maturity (I don't string along a kebab of "friends" who are in fact in love with me anymore - which is cruel) in the end, it lacks the shiny natural exuberance of my younger personality, and I simply don't have that many guy friends anymore. So heck, screw them! Do your thing, be yourself, have fun with your great friend (while making sure that he's not developing feelings for you, or you for him) and roll your eyes at the nay sayers. Who cares? Like BiWife said, annoying coworkers are a dime a dozen. Ignore the gossip, take the high road!
BiWife BiWife 5 years
who cares what the coworkers think? *they* are the ones insisting it and putting that spin on things, which (if you've asked them not to make those kinds of jokes/remarks) could be considered harassment. *they* are the snoopy-sally's that won't mind their own business. It's their problem, don't make it yours. Good friends are hard to find, annoying coworkers are not.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If your boyfriend is okay with the friendship and you know that you have no feeling for the guy then let the people talk. I might back off a bit if your boss is saying anything, but you can't let what other people think ruin a friendship. People will always talk, whether it's out of jealousy or boredom or stupidity. It might not hurt to take an outside perspective on this one though, and make sure that your actions really are platonic.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 5 years
Do you have any feelings at all towards this guy? If you do then they're probably coming through in your actions when you're around him
Vanonymous Vanonymous 5 years
Yeah, don't worry about what your co-workers think. It sounds innocent enough. People are just bored at work and looking to stir up drama for their own entertainment. Don't let that ruin a friendship that's important to you.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Since your bf knows about the friend I don't think you should be concerned about your coworkers. However, if you're in the type of job where your behavior would be frowned on by the higher ups, then be careful simply for the sake of your job.
hopelessly-devoted hopelessly-devoted 5 years
how do your co workers think ur flirting with him? I use to have a guy friend co worker but he worked in another department and we would email jokes to each other all day, my friends seen me hang out with him when my friends were being backstabers and starting saying he liked me. But that wasn't the case we just talked if he needed girl advice and i needed his advice on my bf/now husband as well. If your bf is okay with u and him being friends then screw everyone else. as for me my husband didn't like the fact he didn't know that guy as well and he told him off. So i would go with ur bf's instict, but like u as well my friend and i were like brothers and sisters.
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