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What to Do When a Guy Is Too Nice

Très Q + A: Should I Give Him a Chance?

This question comes from a TresSugar Q and A post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I was introduced to a guy through a co-worker. The guy meets all my standards to qualify as a significant other, in the future. But he seems TOO nice. It's only been 1 week, and he wants to see me all the time, he calls to check on me, and today he brought me flowers to my office (we work in the same building but different offices (it was in a bag so no one could see) . . . He has already pre-planned outings for us, and talks about the future. Am I crazy for thinking he's weird or is this just a great guy and things will die down. Should I give him a chance or leave him alone?

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demaningdiamond demaningdiamond 6 years
Thanks ALL for the constructive criticism, the honest opinions, and advice... Well i posted this Sept 30 and its now Nov 9, so about a month and a half ago is when I met this guy... I did decide to give him a chance, and we've been going great thus far. He's still such a sweet guy, and show interest in me. Yes, I have been through ALOT in relationships, and i haven't dealt with a guy this close for nearly 3 years, because of my fear, of heart ache and down-falls... I will continue to date him with faith that everything will work out... and he still talks about the future with me :-) So far I happy and no longer afraid but I'm still holding my guards up, you just never know...
redjupe44 redjupe44 7 years
He seems like he really likes you, of course you should give him a chance! So he isn't playing hard to get, I'd do anything for a guy like that right now!
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
imo, whether to give him a shot or not depends on what you mean by talking about the future. A well known concert a few months from now, a specific place that depends on the season (ice skating) etc, are fine. Planning your 2 month anniversary or talks about future relationship planning are not. I dated one of those, and it was it is something I hope never to repeat. It isn't genuine and it usually leads to trouble.
vvvalerie vvvalerie 7 years
If you do decide to give him a shot, I recommend being very cautious. He sounds like he could get REALLY clingy if things go any further. From my experience with guys like that, they usually ARE very nice guys, however, they usually tend to be really inexperienced when it comes with relationships, get attached very quickly, and ultimately, girls get tired of their clinginess and dump them. You could also try to talk to him and tell him that you think that he's going a bit far with things and tell him to try to just let things be and relax a bit.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 7 years
Go with your gut. If something reads as desperate, or a red flag then run. Sometimes guys could do all the right things but are CREEPS underneath. Or, this guy could really want to be with you and is being over zealous. You got to figure out what he wants from it and if he is not what you want, then let him down "gently".
Miss-Bree Miss-Bree 7 years
I think you have to go with your gut on this. If anything makes you too uncomfortable, you should let it go. That being said, however, it sounds like you're just not used to being treated well. Some men are just more attentive than others. It's not like he's showing up at your office with singing valentines, or taking you on horse-drawn carriages to the wedding chapel; he's buying you flowers. Maybe he's been burned in the past, or worse, he totally screwed something up once and doesn't want to make that mistake again. If you really like him, and what he's doing is just slightly too over the top, you could subtly ask him to tone it down by saying things like: "don't worry, I don't need that stuff, I just like hanging with you." If he really is just too clingy and you're not feeling the same twitterpation, it could be time to cut ties and get out of there. He might have some control issues that just don't jazz well with you. All in all, I'd say go with your gut. If you really dig the guy, then ride it out for a bit, but if it's seriously irking you, it sounds like it's time to cut a man loose.
Dragonflye Dragonflye 7 years
I went out with a guy like this once.... I found it completely overwhelming at first, but then I realized that it was nice to get phone calls and little e-mail messages all the time. I was just so used to being single and not having to ever answer to anyone that I initially found it restrictive. It took me a few weeks to realize that he was just a sweet and caring guy who actually wanted to spend time with me... So where's the harm in that??
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
sounds like he's desperate not attractive to be planning anything in the future w/i a week of meeting you; stalkerish i'd tell him that i wasn't interested and hope he stopped pestering me
zeze zeze 7 years
That how I understood it onlysourcherry, when I say standards, one of the last things I'm talking about is his credit rating and checking balance. But things like level of education, faithfulness, looks (within reason), temperament, values...
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 7 years
I don't think there's anything wrong with what she wrote about having standards. It's not like she said "he drives a nice enough car to qualify," for all you know she's talking about someone who shares her values or religion or something! Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little wary about a guy who is overly enthusiastic. In my experience, the guys who come on way too strong too early can be a little unstable. That said, sometimes a totally normal guy just likes you and wants to do everything right. I would ride it out and see what happens.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 7 years
I agree wtih zeze. There is nothing wrong with having standards. Everyone has standards, guys, too, and we shouldn't criticize each other for that. It sounds to me like he really likes you. If you're feeling that he's moving faster than you want, then you may want to talk to him about how you feel. I would give him a chance. My husband was very attentive like that in the beginning of our relationship and I felt a little like you did, but I gave him a chance and he turned out to be a wonderful guy and we eventually fell in love. We've now been marrried for 5 1/2 years.
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 7 years
@Zeze: A guy to find me should have considered himself blessed. My only standard was that he wasn't homeless!!! I never gave men standards or expectations. Though they pose as outlines, I don't truly believe love can be defined by what we percieve to be a pre-requisite for our admiration. The whole, "he should have a good paying job" standard makes no sense when you fall in love with him and his job then 2 years later he's on the unemployment line. I think women need to gives themselves the standards and live up to being powerful, independent, and competent woman and say- to hell- with a man who can't support me, mind, body, and soul!
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 7 years
The real question should be: What's wrong with you? Do you think you don't deserve a guy treating you special and taking iniatiative in a relationship to want to be with you? So he bought you flowers and wants to make plans to see you again. You did say he is the right one for you "in the future". Well, Sweetie, don't wait too long. Good guys only come by once in a blue moon. Sounds to me like you haven't experienced a positive relationship with potential before, in which case, I can see why you are skeptical. Just think though..... He could send you black roses, with a note telling you to watch you back, and make plans on how he can kill you?!? Obviously, not a good thing. So really what is your question now?????
zeze zeze 7 years
Sheesh, you guys are harsh! From my experience, and I've pulled the "he's too nice" thing before, is that when you can't really pick at anything and fall on the"he's too nice" it just means you're not really feeling him, not attracted to him, he's not your type (either physically or personality wise) but you can't really say that because there is nothing wrong with him, he is just not for you. I would say, don't force it. The initial getting to know someone is supposed to be the best time, where you are excited about the possibilities and still into each other - if you are THAT hesitant now, it can only go down hill resulting in leading him on (and if he is a nice guy, that is really not nice of you to do). And why are people ripping on the "standards" thing - we all have standards, that doesn't make us better than anyone else - it just means preferences and expectations. There are some people who aren't up to my "standards" but that doesn't mean I think I am better or my standards are so high, it just means they are different than what that person was offering, who knows, he might meet the preference/standard of someone way better than me!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
He seems a little pushy but so what? I feel bad for men, because women always whine about not getting enough attention, and then when we get it, we aren't happy about that either. He is a bit enthusiastic for sure, but just tell him how you feel. If he acts weird about it, you have your answer, and will know to end it. Your comment about his meeting your standards also irritated me....I guess your shit doesn't stink, who knew? You may hit some point in your life where you actually want someone to care about you and be considerate of you.....I guess you are not there yet.
kismekate kismekate 7 years
"The guy meets all my standards to qualify as a significant other, in the future." This really irks me. My best friend says the same thing all of the time. Until she finds ONE little (and I mean seriously little) problem and she's doneskees. Your little thing is that he's "too nice". Does that mean that someone that qualifies as a significant other is either mildly nice or not nice at all? He likes you! If you like him then allow him to spoil you for now. Find out if him talking about the future is because he just got out of a crazy serious relationship and is still heartbroken or because he has been previously committed for stalking. Give him a chance for now. If you really do like him but are put off by all the future talk - tell him that. There's no better point then now to be upfront and honest with someone.
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