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What am I Doing Wrong?

Dear Sugar--

I had been dating this guy since August. Things started out fairly well. I had recently ended a 6 year relationship because my ex wasn't giving me the attention I deserved and we were constantly fighting because he liked hanging with his friends more than being with me. I had also caught him cheating several times. So I started dating the new guy & he was doing everything right - showering me with gifts, spending time with me, basically he made me feel like I was his top priority. I instantly fell in love. Everything was going great until about 1 month ago. He started coming up with all these crazy excuses about why he couldn't hang out. He said he needed time to sort out a lot of issues he had going on. I believed him because he did seem sincere and he told me he loved me and that I was the one he wanted to be with.

Then one Saturday, a woman that lives two streets over from me came over to my house and said that her daughter told her that we had the same boyfriend. I knew that couldn't be right because he would never do anything like that (or so I thought). She said he has been living with her since August - the same amount of time we had been together. I told her I didn't believe her, and she told me to come over to her house and see for myself. Sure enough when I got there, he was there! I could not believe it! He would not talk to me or give me an explanation. She told me he had also asked her daughter to marry him on Valentine's Day. I was so shocked I just slapped him and cried all the way home.

I have never felt so betrayed. I just can't get it right in the love department. This is the worst feeling and the sad part is part of me still loves him. I am trying so hard to forget about him, because he's moving on with his life and I'm sitting here wondering what did I do to deserve this. I know I am a good person, so why can't I get it right. What am I doing wrong?

--Betrayed by Love Betty

To hear DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Betrayed by Love Betty,

You are not doing anything wrong! It just seems the guys you are meeting are really immature, dishonest and not ready to commit. Why didn't that guy just tell you he had met someone new instead of lying to you! It makes me so mad that he treated you with such disrespect - no one deserves to be treated that way so I am sorry your heart hurts right now.

I'm not sure how old you are, or how old the men are that you are dating, but you might want to think about dating someone who is a few years older than you. Older men tend to have more experience with how to treat a woman and their minds are more focused on their future and less on just "a good time." Since you've been hurt so many times in the past, it's a good idea to take things incredibly slow, and really get to know the next guy you date before letting yourself fall in love prematurely. Get to know what their goals are, if you have the same ideas about commitment and marriage, and most importantly, make sure he makes you feel safe and secure.

Keep your chin up and definitely keep dating. Finding that one special guy won't happen overnight, and as my mother always says "You've got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince!" Good luck Betty.


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