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When Love At Work Goes Sour

Dear Sugar
I am a black woman and I have been dating a white man for four months. I love him, but he's so hard to read. We work together, and ever since we first met (two years ago), we've flirted. We finally decided to give it a go in May. At first everything was going well, but then for some strange reason, I saw him quickly distancing himself from me.

I recently asked him why he was acting so strange toward me and if something is wrong, but he just tells me that it's not me, it's just the fact that we work together that he dislikes. He feels that we should break up because of how dating effects the other people in our company.

He also added that he doesn't want to see me with anybody else. I of course don't want to see him with anyone else either. I love him and I want to be with him! When we are together, we kiss so passionately, and it's so obvious that there is fantastic chemistry between us. Help, I don't know what to do. Interracial Irie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Interracial Irie
It sounds like he's using work as an excuse. He also wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn't want you to be with anyone else because that would distract him at work. Lots of couples meet at work and work through their office issues and have loving and lasting relationships.

Others have terrible and uncomfortable break-ups that lead to you spending way too much time questioning the situation, him, your sanity and everything about you. You will be uncomfortable in the office and in a state of non-stop thinking. That also means that your work is not getting done.

Decreased productivity in the office is never good. It can lead to feeling worse about yourself when you fall behind, and worse you could get yourself fired. Your problems are only going to exacerbate when things begin slowly to fall apart. That's where you are right now. So take control and let him go; because you have too much at stake at the office.

It's a really horrible feeling when you don't have the option of personal space at work, which should be the place where you are most focused. So, if he's willing to let you go because of work then I am willing to bet that he doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about him.

It's been four months and he's already trying to get out of this relationship, so save yourself from the never ending water cooler drama and let him go. Cut your losses now. It's only going to get worse for you at work if you stay together and then he tries this again.

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velvetgoldmine velvetgoldmine 10 years
I'm having a difficult time seeing where race comes into this. Most companies do have fraternization policies; is it possible that he is solely referring to this? It is very uncomfortable for other employees to watch others get cuddly or friendly when they should be working. Like Sugar said, sometimes it works, but perhaps a manager or supervisor has discussed with your fellow about a decrease in productivity or something similar related to your relationship. This may not have anything to do with you personally, nor the fact your relationship is interracial. If it is company policy to have no interoffice dating, then perhaps you should reevaluate your position, or speak to a supervisor about the policy.
Aracelly Aracelly 10 years
Easier said than done, but leave him before you invest anymore of your feelings into the chump. If he REALLY wanted it to work out with the two of you, nothing else should matter.
prettyirate1 prettyirate1 10 years
dear irie, i totally agre with this advice he wants his cake and he will eat it if you let him. him wanting to break up yet not seeing you with anyone else is called a control freak. sorry, he is an asswipe. you on the other hand sound sweet and care free. and you seem sad and upset. thats not the way to a happy life. dump this hump and get yourself a six foot five new york knick and chill mami!!!!!! he will realize, he played himself.
honey31 honey31 10 years
Dump his butt hunny he is not worth your time.There is plenty fish in the sea!
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