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When Is the Right Time to Have Sex With a New Person?

Group Therapy: When Is the Right Time to Have Sex With a New Person?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hi, I met this guy from a dating website. I am 26 and he is 34. We have been on five dates and we seem to like each other a lot. We had sex for the first time on our fourth date, also in the fifth date.

I have always been conservative and the kind of woman who thinks before doing things. I don't want to do that anymore and I want to enjoy every date and time I spend with him. Is it wrong to have sex with someone in such a short time? Some women sleep with guys on the first day and I think it is wrong, but what about the fourth or fifth date? I worry about what he would think. I don't want him to have the wrong impression or think I am easy . . . Guys what would you think about this? Girls have you done this before? Have you had any long relationships after sleeping with that person so soon? Please advise. Thanks.

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Join The Conversation
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I agree with Nicole, the right time is when it feels right for the two people involved. My own sister has been married 7 years and she was in bed with her now husband the afternoon they me; it was right for them. Go for how you feel and enjoy!
burke_chi burke_chi 5 years
4th or 5th date! you're screwed
nicole121482 nicole121482 5 years
I get so irritated by people having all these rules about when the right time is....if you are following a rule book, then it is never the right time, it is just the time the rules says is OK. The right time is whatever feels right to your situation, whenever you are moved to do so. If it happened after 4 dates, and you had a great time and nothing changed and you are happy....then STOP second guessing your judgement! Own your actions and be proud of yourself :)
cloudillusions77 cloudillusions77 5 years
There's no specific "right time"--it varies not only by person but by the chemistry of any relationship. In general, I think first and second dates are too soon. Cliches dictate sex on the third date, so it's probably best to avoid falling into that category... Anytime after then, it doesn't matter how long you wait. What really matters is how comfortable and confident you are with your decision. If you did it just because you think he wanted it, he'll see through that and think less of you. If you had sex with him because you really, truly wanted it and the moment was good--he won't think you're "easy." And if he does, he's a hypocritical loser and not worth your time, anyway. Sex can kind of be a litmus test for dating, anyway. Some guys will date girls just to try to get them in bed. They don't stick around for long after. If your guy continues to pursue you, then at least you know he wanted you for more than just sex. If he doesn't, at least you don't have to waste any more time on him!
jayjames1 jayjames1 5 years
Going against popular opinion, I think it's very sad we live in a generation / world that believes its perfectly acceptable to have sex with someone you've only recently met or started dating.. as if sex is part of the whole 'courting' phase of getting to know someone - If the only thing that holds you back from something so intimate, and dare I say, sacred and beautiful is the idea that some random guy may label you 'easy' is just wrong. What about how you see yourself? Why guage whats right - in terms of the general populus dull and morally void culture.? Sex is an incredibly intimate exchange and the Bible says its more than 'skin on skin' but a soul connection. Sleeping around casually does have concequences to your heart, mind and soul... I say really consider what the bible says. I know my thoughts won't be popular but there you have it.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
I've pretty much always slept with guys on the first date - if I really liked them (not ALL of them :D ) . And I've never been ignored/dumped/called easy afterwards. It all depends on the alchemy you guys have - there is no rule, and I really don't think any type of behavior is wrong as long as no one is getting hurt. The longest I ever waited was with my current boyfriend of 6 years. We waited a week, not months! So I'd stop worrying about that if I were you, and just enjoy what you two share. If you want to step back from the sex for a bit, just tell him so, nicely. I'm sure everything will be okay :)
dreamalittledream dreamalittledream 5 years
I don't think there is an exact time to have sex with someone for the first time...but I think you just need to make sure the relationship doesn't now become solely sexual. Don't end every date with sex, and just make sure you continue to get to know him outside the bedroom as well
EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
Oddly enough, my 3 longest relationships were the ones when I slept with the guys the earliest. One lasted 2 years, another almost 3, and the third (I slept with him the first night) was my marriage, which lasted almost 10 years. Having said that, if I were to advise my niece or daughter about having sex, I would say to wait until you know someone and have an emotional connection.
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
I agree with what Joe said.
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
It depends. I'm all for doing whatever you want as long as your safe. I've had no strings attached one timer vacation sex which was fun, also sex on the first date with my now husband of 8 years. Don't worry about it. Just be safe and have fun. Your already overthinking it.
bryseana bryseana 5 years
It was the second date for me. We've been together seven years now.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, If you sleep with the guy, I think there is a very good chance that, if you like him, you will end up becoming emotionally attached to him quickly. But I would recommend finding out a lot more about him before you allow yourself to become emotionally attached to him. What are ALL of his personality weaknesses? I suggest you learn all of his personality weaknesses before you allow yourself to become emotionally attached to him (which is going to take quite a while).
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If you've made it to the fourth or fifth date he obviously likes you enough to be spending that time with you. This is only wrong if you think it is, we all have our own moral compass that guides us and if this is making you happy and he's still treating you well then I say keep on going! The only way you're going to know how he feels about it is to ask him, and it may be a little soon in the relationship to do that. You said you just want to have fun, so just have fun! Have safe sex and enjoy yourself, it doesn't really matter what anyone else says. I am currently in the best relationship of my life that is over 2 years long now and we got intimate very early because I was in a place in my life where I was just having fun. By going with the flow and just doing what seemed right at the time we developed a very natural and easy relationship. Thinking about things too much can often lead to us sabotaging our own happiness.
KateAthens KateAthens 5 years
I agree with Helen that its much better if you know and trust a person before you move forward with him but i think to know everything about his childhood or former gf's is a little too much to ask. I wont tell everything about my past to a new love interest (not that i have something to hide) its just that some people dont open up so easy. 4th date is perfectly fine if it feels right for you imo. You can tell by then if he's serious about you or if he just want to fool around.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
When is the right time? When you know his middle name, the first and last names of his parents, and all about his childhood. In other words, make sure you really really know and like and trust him first. If somehow you managed all that by the fourth date, great!
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