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Where Do You Stand? Having Kids Out of Wedlock

Having kids before getting married seems to be a Hollywood trend. Nicole Richie did it, so did Angelina Jolie, and it looks like Kimora Lee Simmons has just jumped on the bandwagon too! Starting a family with someone is a very personal choice; some want to walk down the aisle first while others are perfectly OK without a marriage license, but what about you? Where do you stand on having kids out of wedlock?

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kiwitwist kiwitwist 8 years
I dont' agree with it but whatever. I think a child has a much better chance at life with two parents period.
Lily-Inferno Lily-Inferno 8 years
Yea...I forgot to mention..it was 4 years before I got married to my sons father. He was my ring bearer..lol it was cute. And special for him too. What people chose and believe is their own thing. Whatever makes you happy and whatever helps you sleep at night. I just dont really see the difference. Just bc someone is born without the their father, or grows up without their mother doesnt mean they will be any less of a person than someone who had both growing up. But like I said, to each his/her own.
RaCheer RaCheer 8 years
Morally...I'm completely against it!
lilaluna lilaluna 8 years
makes no difference to me ... married ... unmarried... as long as you're happy together ... where I live (Europe) it's no big deal ...
msmoney23 msmoney23 8 years
californiagirlx7, I agree completely.
QueenElizabeth QueenElizabeth 8 years
personally, i'm planning on waiting until marriage, but i support those who dont wait as long as they have the ability to support a child.
margokhal margokhal 8 years
I personally would want to be married before I had kids. Being African-American as well, I DO NOT want to bring another child into this world who does not know or isn't involved with her dad. I know two women my age who've just had children, and neither of the children's dads are involved. One said "one-night-stand means I ain't takin' care of sh*t", and the other *was* engaged to the woman - and then split when she got pregnant. @_@ Marriage, to me, means a LOT more than "just a piece of paper" - but both my partner and I would have to be on the same page about that. If you can sleep with me, say you love me and care for me, why not help ensure that I (and the family you might possible create) am taken care of through the legal benefits afforded by marriage?
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 8 years
I completely agree with skigurl on this issue. Personally, I don't think I could have a child out of wedlock, for religious and personal reasons. I don't necessarily judge others who decide NOT to get married before having kids, but I don't like that it's the "trendy" thing nowadays. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, IMO. It's a declaration of your love & committment to one person for the rest of your life, even though I know recent divorce rates have sullied the image of marriage to many people. It's also smart to get married before you have kids in case your relationship doesn't work, so the father (or mother) can't just skip town one day and leave you without any legal support.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
I would want to be married before having kids. I could be married and in stable loving relationship. I'm black, so I know the stats. Too many of my friends don't even know their dad. Bringing another life into the world shouldn't be taken lightly, so why not be married.
sourcherry sourcherry 8 years
Marriage is not important to me, in my view it's just a piece of paper. I'd want, however, to have a stable relationship, a relationship that both of us agreed it was forever, and then start a family.
gigly_grl gigly_grl 8 years
I don't believe in "wedlock" so the question is kinda moot for me. And I'm not dying to have children so I wouldn't consider having one solo... but seriously I don't understand why it matters, obviously a baby is life-altering and not to be taken lightly but this isn't the 19th century where "bastards" were the talk of scandal and shame. It's the 21st Century and we have choices... well at least here in Canada we do :P
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
depends. i don't think a woman should have to choose between marriage and motherhood OR being single and childless. if a woman doesn't find someone she's willing to spend the rest of her life i think being a single mother is fine, if she can support that child.
JessNess JessNess 8 years
I was born out of wedlock. My mom got pregnant with me 4 months into dating my dad. She screwed up her bc pill go figure :oy: They ended up getting married 1 year later and divorcing 8 years after. I personally have no issue with it. I don't really believe in marriage anyways; I believe more in commitment. I don't think getting married is a necessity in life.
bluepuppybites bluepuppybites 8 years
Well since I had my daughter out of wedlock I don't have much to say. But since I was going to elope with the guy, before I found out I was expecting, marriage was on the brain. Though it was a year and a half after our daughter was born before we finally walked down the isle for everyone to see.
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
who cares I think people should do whatever they want without judgements on this one. but would i do this personally? no way. i think you have to be a pretty strong person to make this arrangement normal
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
I would NEVER do it myself - even living with someone without being married is way too little security for me. I wouldn't subject my kids to that. I'm not going to judge anyone who does it, though! - I just wonder how they can feel so secure as a family without legal papers.
Silje Silje 8 years
I would prefer to be married first, but if I were in a stable relationship and it was "true love", that is, that we could definitively be together for the rest of our lives, then I'd probably have a baby with him.
danixk danixk 8 years
I, personally, do not want to have children without being married. Ideally, I would rather be married for a couple of years and try to have children. I would rather know after a few years of being together, if I could deal with that person...along with a child. I would rather get a divorce and end it there rather than having so see that person every other weekend. It seems like everyone I went to high school with have kids! I'm amazed. At 21, some of these girls aren't in college and have never been! They have a child with a guy they are longer with or "dating". What kind of future is this child going to have!?
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I would try to discourage anyone from doing it.
sarahcateh sarahcateh 8 years
Lily Inferno you did exactly what my parents did (although they waited a little longer before getting married). I was a flower girl when I was 4 years old at my parents wedding. Being born out of wedlock doesn't bother me at all and them waiting 4 years lets me know that they did not get married just because of me but because they were ready and in love. I couldn't ask for better parents and they are a huge part of what makes me a successful person. They've been married for almost 20 years. For these reasons, I cannot say anything bad about having children out of wedlock. I'm not super worried about the order in which things happen for me. I am very careful and definitely don't want to get pregnant but I also know that life has a way of working itself out.
sass317 sass317 8 years
I wouldnt want children without being married. To each their own obviously, but since I believe in marriage (I am married actually) I wouldnt want to have children with someone I didnt want to be married to. My husband and I did have a discussion when we were engaged that should I get pregnant before the wedding that we would go to the courthouse and get married. But we were always careful and it didnt happen. And we were actually married for almost 2 years before I got pregnant.
oliveoyle625 oliveoyle625 8 years
I think only celebrities can pull it off as well as they do.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 8 years
Personally I want to have kids when I'm married. What other ppl do is their business.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
i think she's trying to prove to herself she's over her recently finalized divorce.
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