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Where Do You Stand? Lying to your Family

My dad once told me about a college friend of his that dropped out of school his junior year but never told his parents. They continued to give him money to pay for his tuition and on graduation day, he rented a cap and gown and walked in the commencement line with the rest of his class!

Since I'm so close with my family, I couldn't even imagine living a facade like he did, but I think lying to family members is more common than not. Some lie about living with their significant others and others hide their smoking habit — whatever the case may be, many believe that what people don't know won't hurt them. So where do you stand on lying to your family members? Do you purposely leave certain things out when catching up with family, or are you as honest with them as you are with your best friends?


Join The Conversation
jenwils jenwils 9 years
I withhold. The information would only upset & worry my parents, and I don't want to make their lives any more stressful than it already is. I agree with cmill regarding "unwise decisions of my (now distant) past". No need to hurt them & make them think they didn't do a good job raising me.
bbkf bbkf 9 years
My parents don't ask me about my life, and I only tell them what I want them to know. We're just not close in that way.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
My dad never pries. He'll ask why I haven't gotten scholarships; why I am so stubborn about living in an expensive apartment rather than one in an unsafe neighborhood 11 miles away from school and with very heavy traffic; and why I haven't found a job. I'm honest: I'm lazy, and I like to be close to school and sit around watching TV. He also has access to my checking account, and I have no fears about him looking through it. I usually tell my mom most things. She even bought me alcohol my first year in college, and she knew we were pre-gaming before hitting a club. Instead of telling her about the casual relationships I had, I just told her I was seeing the guys (No sex involved because she still thinks I'm a virgin, and I didn't sleep with most of them). I also haven't told her my boyfriend and I are back together because we went through a rough break-up (And she had to help pick up the pieces), and my mom is against interracial dating. I told her we were friends, and brought him along for lunch once, though.
RustyAngel73 RustyAngel73 9 years
When I was younger I used to lie about smoking (pretend I didn't) but not anymore. Other than that, I occasionally withhold but that's all.
gemsera gemsera 9 years
lying isnt necessarily bad, and neither is leaving information out. My mother knows nothing about me and if she asks I tell her to go jump. I dont lie im just not interesting in sharing my life with her. My dad on the other hand has high blood pressure, and im not sure he should know much about the last 5 years of my life, but we are getting back in touch alot more now that I have settled down.Theres no written rule how much your parents have to know, unless your living under their roof which stopped when they kicked me out!
heidi-girl heidi-girl 9 years
my mom has basically become my best friend. i tell her EVERYTHING. since i don't have a relationship with my dad there's nothing to lie about. i must admit, pulling that off takes balls, but i have a feeling it's gonna come back and bite him in the ass.
superjules superjules 9 years
My philosophy is this: lie to them, don't lie to them. Whatever works. In my case not having anything to do with them works for me.
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 9 years
most of the lies I have told my family are little white ones that get found out later - i.e. my sister ate the rest of the grapes when we finished them off together. That sort of thing. I have only lied about a few big things, and they're usually about my sex life, because a) I really don't think it's their business unless I decide to tell them first and b) some of it would provoke an extreme negative reaction that, because my family is ultraconservative, might get me disowned. Just because I don't tell them everything doesn't mean I'm lying to them either.
a-nonny-mouse a-nonny-mouse 9 years
"So where do you stand on lying to your family members? Do you purposely leave certain things out when catching up with family?" Hmmm, I dunno Dear, it appears that you are implying that honesty demands full disclosure, and that quietly keeping certain information to yourself is somehow deceitful. But it might just be your phrasing; perhaps I've misunderstood you. (I would guess that I have.) I firmly believe, without even a hint of guilt, that privacy is sacred. I don't think anybody has a responsibility to share absolutely all information with anyone (other than their chosen life partner -- but that is different issue, imo). I share what I feel like sharing. I keep other details to myself. Nothing sneaky about it. What if a person is embarrassed, mortified or very tender about the information? Maybe she is facing property foreclosure or bankruptcy. Perhaps her partner cheated on her, and she doesn't want others to know. Or worse -- maybe she was victimized in some cruel way and thinks she will recover quicker if she doesn't spread the info throughout her family. I don't think it's good to lie, but I know (for myself) that it is healthy and appropriate to protect my privacy in ways that serve my best benefit and maintain my own sense of personal comfort. No reason to be ashamed of that.
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
Did his parents not want to see the diploma?! Mine will want to see my when I graduate college...
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I don't really lie to my parents but I don't always go into details with things they want to know.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
We lied about a pretty big thing to my parents for 2 years because we knew we would get disowned.
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 9 years
Yeah, Muirnea... The guys thing, I totally understand. One of my best guy friends stayed with us for a while last summer, and I assured them no "hanky panky" was happening under their roof (he was my boyfriend for awhile, too). I think they knew, but we all pretend nothing happened.
L0neLyHeArT L0neLyHeArT 9 years
I lie so much to my parents..
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 9 years
My mom is nosy and a worrywort so I lie.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
I tell them all the big important stuff, I rarely ever ever ever lie about that stuff...but little stuff, like exactly what's going on with guys or just personal stuff in general. Sometimes parents just can't let you grow up even when you truly are old and mature enough to be grown up. I don't tell them the stuff that their "little innocent girl" wouldn't do, hahaha.
cmill38 cmill38 9 years
bellaressa that's crazy. i don't think i could live with that either. but who's to say the things i think are minor that i leave out are any better. i feel like somethings like habits i once held as a college freshman like drinking too much too often, going home with strange boys, and recreational marijuna use are things i feel better to leave out. Those are unwise decisions of my past and i don't lead that life anymore. i feel it would hurt my family to think they went wrong somewhere(which they didn't) instead of it being that I went wrong somewhere.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
oh yah, somewhat like shopaholic, i actually did lie about a job i didn't get...i claimed i just never heard, but i knew i didn't get it. and i was so upset i just didn't feel like talking about it, so i lied. but that was very out of character for me.
xojennifer xojennifer 9 years
There was all those little white lies i'd tell my parents when I was younger, of course, but now they know all about those haha and we now laugh about it all. I wouldnt lie to my parents now, i'd feel terrible. Except maybe things aren't going so good and I dont want them to be worried, I wont lie, but i'll soften everything up a little.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i never lie about substantial stuff like the guy in those story, but if i smoked or did drugs i'd lie, and obviously i withold stuff i do when i'm drunk or people i hook up with and stuff like that. so i'm not as honest with them as my friends, but i mean, in terms of important stuff i'm super honest even small things i try not to lie cuz i'd feel too badly. like, for instance, i wanted to buy a leather coat for $300 and my friends told me to just lie and tell my mom it was only $100 if she got mad, but i couldnt' do that. i couldnt' live life in this coat having her think i got this wicked deal and having lied bold faced. i'd feel terrible!
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 9 years
I don't lie about big things, but there are some things they just don't need to know.
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
I don't think I could lie but I know a girl he did the same thing. She failed and didn't graduated but walked anyway. Her family bought her so many gifts: a car, a dp on a condo, and cash. She didn't feel bad. I would be too guilt ridden.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 9 years
I don't think I could lie to my family about something as BIG as dropping out of college. My parents take that very seriously and they would be highly disappointed in me so that's not an option for me. Anywayz, I will admit though that I have been lieing to my parents about one of my major scholarships. I lost one of them last year and my parents keep asking me about from time to time to make sure that I still have it and I just say yes and change the subject. I feel bad but if my parents found out they would me so mad at me.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
I withhold the truth too...
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