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Where Do You Stand? Marriage and Kids

Deciding when to get married is a personal choice that's different for every couple, but I've been hearing more and more women say that they don't want to marry their significant other until they're ready to start a family. While I understand where they're coming from, I'd personally like to enjoy married life before diving into motherhood. To each her own so tell me, where do you stand on the notion of marriage and kids going hand in hand?


dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
I don't understand the mentality of waiting to marry until you feel the desire to reproduce. Its silly and selfish. Men are not sperm banks. If you go around saying you're ready to be married because you're ready to have a baby, men will be turned off. Just watch them go running for the hills. Everyone wants kids but don't bet on anything. If you have a chioce, why miss the honeymoon years when you become the sole center of attention by your husband? At the beginning a marriage is all about you. His love, happiness, and desire for you is part of the natural course of things Children are the happy outcome after you decide he will make a good father and a loving husband. However everyone has different sets of circumstances. I know the clock is ticking for so many girls but couples who gave themselves some breathing room before children are better off. Having children right away is very tough.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
If somebody cannot make the commitment of marriage to me then they SURE AS HELL can't be mature enough to have kids. Simple as. We'd have a lot less problems if people were married before having kids.
LeChatonNoir LeChatonNoir 8 years
Maybe I'm being idealistic, but bear with me... I'm 23, living with my fiance, and know that if I ever suddenly got pregnant I would be extremely scared and caught off guard. However, I would also be ecstatic, because I do want to start a family with him, and sometimes surprises happen. However, I think women are so afraid of the commitment they jump into as a mother that they feel guilty wishing to continue seeing themselves as independent - they suddenly feel bogged down. Today's woman can do anything if she sets her mind to it - and while a baby may sure complicate things, nothing's impossible. First and foremost, I would never put my dreams on hold for a child - because I know that being a role model is of much more worth to him or her than sacrificing those dreams on their behalf. I know that might be slightly off-topic, but I think the undercurrent of the question is, "does having a child change the way you live?" and I want to put it out there, that it doesn't need to.
luna08 luna08 8 years
Personally speaking, to me, marriage was always about romantic love, not about having children." Well said, GlowingMoon! I'm ambivalent about children, but not about marriage.
fabpuissant fabpuissant 8 years
We had our first baby a year after we got married, yeah looking back then how I wish, that we enjoyed our married life first before having a baby..... but now, how could I have regrets for having 2 adorable kids at the earliest point in my married life? They're the best thing that ever happened to me.... It's priceless..
Taadie Taadie 8 years
Married for 2-3 years then kids. So many marriages break up in the first 3 years and why not enjoy married life and the tax breaks without the kids int he picture.
pioneers pioneers 8 years
One of the first things that attracted me to my boyfriend was when he said that he didn't really want to get married and he absolutely hates kids. It's love.
MsWalton MsWalton 8 years
I don't want to get married or have children. It was never a part of "The Master Plan" so to say.
bbkf bbkf 8 years
I don't want kids. Ever. So getting married had nothing to do with breeding.
starbucks2 starbucks2 8 years
i'm pregnant right now, and me and my boyfriend are not married. we still had a few years we enjoyed together as a couple. i don't see how you could marry someone you have never been living with before. that has divorce written all over it. you don't fully get to know a person until you know they don't know how to pick up their socks...
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
I wouldn't care either way.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
We're happily married, and child-free by choice. We've been together for over 10 years, and have no plans to have children. Personally speaking, to me, marriage was always about romantic love, not about having children.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
* I still don't get why people consider marriage such a HUGE responsibility or something* If you can get along with that one other person for the rest of your life, what's the big deal? You can do that without kids. -_- I figure you have kids if that's what you're ready for and want for the next 18 minimum years.
La-Tua-Cantante La-Tua-Cantante 8 years
I too would like to wait a while after being married to have kids. Not only does it give you the chance to enjoy some alone time together, but I would like to really make sure we have a solid respectful foundation (and a shot at making it!) before bringing another human being(s) into the picture.
ashopaholic ashopaholic 8 years
I really don't see the point of marriage and I dislike kids lol. I don't get the whole enjoying marriage thing first though. Can someone enlighten me? How does married life differ from living with your partner (assuming you lived with your so first)? I'm not asking this in a rude or condescending way btw!
Jesi_Oh Jesi_Oh 8 years
I’ll have kids when I and my relationship are ready for it but I don’t see myself ever getting married. It’s just not important to me or my partner. …and I totally agree with Plus_2_Kids that Kids are the new Married. For me, having children with someone is a much bigger commitment that marriage!
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
I could care less about marriage or having kids but if I got married i would wait awhile to enjoy being married. I am def on the fence as to if I want kids I'm kinda tired of kids between help raising my sisters and my nephew I am kinda turned off.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
Having kids is more of a commitment anyway.
clareberrys clareberrys 8 years
I would like to be married for a while before I have kids. I want to have kids before 30, but that means 29 is okay! We are probably going to get engaged in the next year or two and by that time I'll be 24 or 25 and then engaged for about a year and then married for a few. I know I am going to want time to enjoy with just my partner and do things that you can't do once you have kids!
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
I think it's annoying when people push married people to have kids (even though I'm guilty of it myself with my sister). Personally, I'm in a rush to be married - to belong to each other completely and take the first steps as life partners - only because I found the perfect person. I know that we'll want to have kids as soon as possible though, so I envision only about a year of married life. (We're both 30 and we want our own family.) Unfortunately, we're in different countries and I have to finish school, so the waiting period is dragging on. I'm fine with being engaged and even married overseas because it would make it easier to get my visa, but I don't want it to stretch more than 6 months.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 8 years
I have no general opinion about this. However for me PERSONALLY it was a fear of commitment issue. It was scary enough getting married but in many ways (and feel free to lecture me here) it was still something I could walk away from. Having kids is/will be the ultimate union. I needed a few years to get comfortable with the idea of being married as far as a commitment before I was ready for the next level of commitment: kids. I've been married 2 1/2 years, just got pregnant and am glad my husband and I had time to get comfortable with our union before it became Super Official (ie we became forever tied thru a child). In short, like I read somewhere Kids Are the New Married.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
I am in no rush for kids at this point in life. I'm okay with being married but I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to stretch out my body and take care of another human being beyond myself, after seeing what a close friend is going through. I like my sleep and independence too much right now.
LuvLeoDiCaprio LuvLeoDiCaprio 8 years
I say whatever I am having a child before getting married does that mean I'll be less happy or things won't go right, no. It's what you make out of life ...
janagoldhill janagoldhill 8 years
unfortunately, my husband and i didn't have that option..we got married while i was already pregnant. however, we're so young that we look forward to being still youthful when our son grows up and moves out of the house; and that we'll have plenty of time to just enjoy one another then.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
I think marriage goes way beyond children. Marriage is a "sacred" union between two people, which really had nothing to do with children. People can be unmarried with children, or married without kids. For me, I do not need to sign on the dotted line to say I have a serious relationship and we intend to be together forever. It sounds weird, but the only reason I'd feel the need to marry was for tax purposes. Your taxes get lowered because the gov't wants you to be married, they try to make it as attractive as possible, so we can still look like a good wholesome country with married couples all over the place-- though, we are not. Hey, and they give tax breaks for kids, too, because they also want you to reproduce. I'm okay with it. I'll take their tax break and give them another marriage to hold on to for dear life.
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