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Where Do You Stand? Marrying Young

I was having a conversation with a friend last night about how her BFF from college is getting divorced from her college sweetheart after only two years of marriage. While I know many young relationships flourish, I have to say I wasn't all that surprised by her news — people grow leaps and bounds in their 20's and it's common to see life in a whole new light, much differently from your school days. I look back on my college relationship now and realize how wrong we were for each other, but that's just me, so tell me where you stand on marrying young. Do you think age is just a number, or do you think regardless of the relationship, it's better to wait for more life experience before saying "I do" to someone you met when you were young and inexperienced?


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dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
Getting married while young is fine. People underestimate youth and what they are capable of. When I was just 18 I was entering into a four year college and was setting goals for my entire future. Now that's amazing. Sometimes young people are more pure of heart and haven't had to experience all the heartache of an older person. Maybe that's better. To say that they will have a lot of growing together is true, but how amazing would it be to grow and change so much in a lifetime. If I had married my first true love, I think we might have made it. It didn't happen that way but youth and love and marriage sort of goes hand in hand, and for the most part we should have respect and a positive outlook for these young couples.
rossinaross rossinaross 8 years
I think age it's just a number. In my opinion marriage has to do with maturity, and it's probably different in every single couple. Before I met my boyfriend, I never thought about getting married, I mean I'm 19, what do I know about life? right? That's what I thought too. But then I met my boyfriend, and he's been through alot, he was in a very serious relationship when he graduated from high school and he lived for two years with the girl, and they had a baby girl... the story is long, but the end of it was that he found out she was cheating on him with his best friend. Now he's a single daddy, mature for his age [he's 23] and he is ready to get married. So am I. He is the guy whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even though I'm so young and I probably break all the rules here... I want to be with him..
newschus newschus 8 years
I can't say whether or not I think it's a bad idea. I have had some friends who married young and already have been or are in the process of getting divorced, which is totally sad. I've also known a lot of people who've been together since they were sweethearts in high school, and they're in the retiring stage of their lives, completely happy and together. It may or may not be a question of generation, but I believe that a lot of thought should be put into marriage, (before the wedding, after the initial passion) and down to earth young people can definitely make it work. I'm 22 and I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. Before I met him, I just dated casually with zero intention of a serious relationship, but things change. If you just marry young to get married, you'll have problems, guaranteed. If you have the right guy and the right mindset, you can pull anything off. We're thinking about it :)
JessiShaye JessiShaye 8 years
i don't think age is the big deal. you're ready, when you're ready. i just can't ever understand what the rush is when i hear about 19, 20, 21 year olds getting married. seems like you put yourself in a position to miss out on a lot of different experiences. while not "better", definitely different.
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
I don't think you can put an age on what is an appropriate time to get married. I'm only 20. My fiance is only 21. We have been living together for 3 years. We have paid for everything we own ourselves, we pay all of our bills ourselves, and no, we do not get help from our parents. We have been through a LOT. And we are still together and still happy and still in love. Every day we grow more and more, and we still love each other. Granted we are both more mature than most of the people our age, but I hate getting the "speech" about how I'm "too young" and "I'm throwing my life away." Who else can say when I am ready to get married but myself?
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i think that it depends on the couple to be honest. when i was in college - a lot of my friends got married RIGHT OUT of college - so they were 21, 22 ish. and my best friend has been married for 6 years and she got married right out of school. i think that you can make it work, but in today's society when it's socially acceptable to get divorced, people get out of it faster. i almost got married when i was right out of college and i have to say that i don't know what i would be like and what my life would be like if that had happened. i'm a MUCH different person now and i think that i'm a much BETTER person now - and who knows what the guy is like.
bebehaul24 bebehaul24 8 years
I'm 23 and have been engaged for just over a year (my fiance is 26) and as someone above said I got a lot of shit about it from my friends when it first happened. One of them even said to me "what if someone better comes along and you have his ring on your finger." well, that's the point--I don't think that anyone better is going to 'come along' and that's why I'm engaged. Comments like this really affected my friendships with some people because I felt that they just in a different place So, a year later we still haven't made any wedding plans and now I'm getting shit for that! Admittedly, I do feel a bit young to be getting married and I think that my apprehension comes from being watching my parents go through a nasty divorce all through my childhood. I think that getting married young, as in before you reach your 20s is dangerous. I've changed so much over the years and maturity is cultivated from life experience.
samischo samischo 8 years
I'm 19 and i can't even keep a boyfriend for 2 months without getting bored of him! Ahhh something tells me I won't be getting married for a looong time. I'll be so busy having fun with all the Mr. Wrong's that i'll forget to find Mr. Right haha.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 8 years
While I do believe that people are less mature at 20 today than they were 30 years ago, that's not necessarily grounds for saying that nobody can pull off a younger marriage. Though it's not in my personal plans, a young marriage can be great for some couples.
sass317 sass317 8 years
My mom married at 19 and was divorced 6 years later. Then she married my dad and they are still married. She always joked that I wasnt allowed to get married until I was at least 25 bc people just dont know themselves when they are young and more at risk for getting divorced. Most of my friends that I know that did get married very young are either unhappy or divorced. I do have one friend that amazed me though- she got engaged our senior year of high school, stayed engaged for 4 years while she went to college, then got married, waited another two years before having a baby. I did actually wait until I was 25 to get married- I never wanted to get married right out of school.
SuzyQ08 SuzyQ08 8 years
Oh my.. what a topic. Well, I married when I was 18. I had a decent life with my parents so it wasn't like I was trying to get away from them. My husband had been out of high school for 4 years and had a decent job. I guess at that time, I just wanted to grow up and do my own thing. We had a good marriage overall for a few years. Well, 11 years later.. I've changed! He's changed! Over time, we just grew apart. I guess marrying young can (and does) work out for some people but I know that today, I am not the same person I was back then. My 20's was full of lessons learned. Now I know what I want out of life along with what I do and do not want in my partner. Good luck to those who do get married young.. if you're like me, you're going to live and learn and not listen to what anyone tells you.
designerel designerel 8 years
I think it depends on the individuals' maturity level and how long they've been dating rather than the age.
Seka21 Seka21 8 years
Depends on the couple and i think nationality. The parents of friends and family around me and my friends themselves all married at the ages 19-23. I know of only one divorce in my social group and that was MY FATHER who left my mum. They were married at 30 divorced at 32 but dated since she was 19. (can u say jerk! GAHH!) Im all for young couples. I hope to married soon and start having kids. Im 22 and i feel like i should have done it by now.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 8 years
wow i was pretty surprised--i thought everyone was going to say *older* personally, i think that its your decision. my best friend got married at 19 and they're still going strong 5 years later. i just got married, my husband and i are 24. however, i have been dating (various) men since i was 15--felt like i didnt need to experience anymore (the good, the bad, and the *very* bad). when he and i first started dating--we didnt think it was going to be a temporary thing... the key to a good successful relationship is acknowledging that you'll both grow and change and you need to grow and change together... thats where alot of marriages go wrong in thinking that youll be the same person in 20 years that you are now.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I just laughed out loud at this. I got married to my second ever boyfriend at the age of 17! It was the STUPIDEST thing I ever did. It took me 5 years to get the divorce through because he moved to Germany during his placement year of college and getting the papers signed was a nightmare. I think anybody who is under about 25 hasn't had enough life experience in order to get married. I think you need to have your fair share of heart breaks and happiness in order to fully be prepared for what lies ahead. You've got to spend the rest of your life with this person after all... how can pre-25 be enough time to truly know you want to do that?
italianblonde italianblonde 8 years
I used to think I wanted to be married no later than 23. But now that I am older I realize how much I'm still changing from year to year; I'm still forming who I am and I can't possibly see myself being married yet. Though some people just get lucky and meet the right person and mature young, other people just aren't ready. Most young marriages that I know of have ended because of cheating or the other person 'changing'. In fact my 22 year old cousin just told me she's getting divorced after a year of marriage today. But I think it truly does depend on the person, and their willingness to commit and many others things than just on age alone.
millarci millarci 8 years
Every situation varies. However, I believe you shouldn't marry young. Why tie yourself down at a young age? You have so many years to be married, have children, etc. Put some experience under your belt before settling down.
bonchicbongenre bonchicbongenre 8 years
It totally depends on the couple. People mature at different rates, so it is unfair to say that a 20-something is "too young" to get married. Marrying at an older age does not guarantee happiness. My father was 50 and my mother in her late 30s when they got married, and they have a very unhappy marriage. My best friend's parents, however; got married at 18 and are more in love than ever over thirty years later. There is so much more to a relationship than age.
ohkayla ohkayla 8 years
I'm engaged at 22, and I get a ton of BS for it. I've gotten told on numerous occasions "You're still a baby! Don't waste your youth!" I just want to slap those people and say "HEY I've been with my guy for 3 years before we got engaged, and we discussed it and felt we were ready to take the next step in life." A little story about being too young, when I was 16 and dated my ex for two and half years, he wanted to get married to me and I was like "BUT there are other people in the sea plus I'm way too young to be engaged or married or even thinking about it, plus I'm not ready." He got pissed about it, by the time I was 17 almost 18 he was planning on asking me to marry him by Christmas(I have a July birthday), we ended up breaking up shortly after he told me his plans because I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home. That was the best thing that happened to me because weeks later I met my fiance :D
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 8 years
It think it depends on the person and it has a lot to do with maturity. I always wanted to get married in my early-to-mid 20s because I hate dating and I would love to have my kids while I'm still young.
bibliophile bibliophile 8 years
^Sarah Bellum, I would love to read that article (about how today's 25-year-old is at the same maturity level as our parents were at 16). I tend to believe that statement, as I still don't feel like a proper grown-up yet, even though I'm now the ripe old age of 27!
bibliophile bibliophile 8 years
I agree with most people here in that I think it depends on the couple. But generally, I think the longer you wait to get married, the better. Lord knows how many times I've had a boyfriend whom I thought I would marry, only to be disappointed or hurt later on when it didn't work out. Our 20's is really a time for discovery and growth and risk-taking, and our lives and predilections can change so much between 20-30. After reaching my late 20's, I've come to realize that I have my whole life to be married and there's so much I want and have yet to experience before I make that sort of life-long commitment with someone.
Marci Marci 8 years
Well, there are those couples who marry young and make it work. But statistically, the odds are against that. I know only one couple that married at 20 and are still together. I believe strongly in marriage, but I also think the the average person doesn't *really* grasp just how long 'till death do us part' can be when they're 20-30. My own opinion is that waiting is better.
julieulie julieulie 8 years
I think maturity is more important than age. My husband and I are young by today's standards (25 & 26) but we are both settled and mature since we are so focused on our occupations. We work constantly (he's a doctor, I'm working towards my Ph.D. in oncology, so we both work 100+ hour weeks) so we never feel like we "gave up" anything when we got married. I have a few married friends who miss the single life -- going out with the girls every weekend, partying, etc -- and it's causing them to start to resent the marriage because they settled down too young. Since neither my husband nor I would be doing this on the weekend because we are so career focused, I don't think being young will be to blame if our marriage happens to fail down the line.
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