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Where Do You Stand? Sleeping Together, Literally

When we talk dating, there's a lot to say about first times — having sex, saying I love you, and even meeting the parents. It makes sense since those are all significant steps in a relationship and mark deepening intimacy. So what about lying down in bed with one another and going to sleep?

I know some may not agree, but in my opinion, the act of sleeping with each other is incredibly intimate. Like sex and saying "I love you," waking up next to someone in the morning can run the gamut between incredibly satisfying and panic inducing. Thus, I treat this “first” just as seriously as the others. But what do you think? Am I making too big of a deal? Where do you stand when it comes to just sleeping together?


Join The Conversation
soybean589 soybean589 8 years
Lurve sleeping/napping together! It's one of my favorite activities with my boyfriend.
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
to be honest, i don't think that 'sleeping together' is as major as a lot of people make it seem. there have been any number of guys that i've shared a bed with that i didn't have romantic or even sexual feelings towards. sometimes you just need a bed and sometimes you're just drunk and want to sleep with someone else in bed and that doesn't make it any more significant than sleeping alone or with a family member .....
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
So reading these got me thinking... I kinda hated sleeping with my ex, it always got like too hot or I'd get a cramp in my neck, or i would get super fidgety and I would only fall asleep when he would fall asleep and I could finally extricate myself from him... and by the end of our relationship when he stopped coming home at night, I got some of the best nights of sleep.... hahaha The guy I am currently casually sorta seeing.. I have no desire to sleep in his bed at alllll. We have sex and then I'm like, Thanks! Ciao. I sleep in my best guy friend's bed all the time though. The plot thickens....
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
i love sleeping with my boyfriend. He lives with his parent at the moment, who are super religious, so Im not allowed to stay the night over there but he spends the night at my house sometimes. He always tells me that he sleeps better when Im in bed with him. :) Im not really much of a cuddler when Im sleeping (I toss and turn and get all sweaty) But we usually sleep with our legs is very intimate.
BetseyRae BetseyRae 8 years
Having my husband sleeping beside me is honestly one of the best parts of being in the relationship. It is such a comfortable and trusting thing, and yes - very intimate. I don't sleep well if he's not laying there...i think it is very important. For those who believe that they can have sex in a committed relationship, but not share the bed for the night, every night (except for occasional arguments or travels or whatnot), I say you're not committed enough for sex. The sex and the bed-sharing should be intertwined, and both pretty much equally important.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
I know for some really sex driven couples this is a negative milestone, the first night you sleep together without the sex. I was just thinking about what it would have been like to literally sleep (in the same bed) as my high school crush who turned out to be gay lol. He slept over at my house one time but he slept on the floor.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 8 years
it's really cute to hear how intimate and cute your relationships are and make me sad that my fiancee can be such a heartless douche. oversharing! sorry...i'm sad tonight. lol
Isista Isista 8 years
I love cuddling and sleeping together. Now that we live far apart, me and my boyfriend can't sleep together and it's really hard to get used to. I love being able to wake up with him next to me.
monkeyinabarrel monkeyinabarrel 8 years
i guess i am in the minority here. i don't think it is that big a deal, but then again i have been known to sleep anywhere.
Taadie Taadie 8 years
That is the one thing I miss more than everything about the last guy i was with. When things were really good we were sleeping together 2-3 nights a week and I miss waking up with him and kissing and cuddling. Just remembering feeling his feet under the covers, its some of the best memories I will ever have.
CupcakeGal10 CupcakeGal10 8 years
It's incredibly intimate! I'm sure it's wonderful when you're with the right person, but I just got out of a relationship where we moved too fast too soon. I learned my lesson. I think it's very necessary to be comfortable with someone before taking the step of lying on the same mattress for the evening- when you wake up, it's poofy hair, crusty eyes and stinky breath- you better be sure you have a partner that appreciates you inside and out before he/she sees that. ;)
skigurl skigurl 8 years
cravinsugar, i agree! my bf gets up really early for work (and the gym) and so i am half dead when he gets up and i try not to become too alert or i won't fall back asleep for the additional hour but i still chat with him a bit and spoon really closely before he jumps out, and it makes us both feel really connected a couple weeks ago, we also woke up at 4am for no reason at all, and without speaking, ended up making love was you wouldn't get that if you didn't sleep in the same bed together
kythera kythera 8 years
When my husband and I were just dating, we were in a very long distance relationship. So the first time he came to stay with me, it was so nice. We both hadn't had that kind of thing in a long time. Yeah, it was pretty special. ;)
LoveSarah LoveSarah 8 years
Nothings better than falling asleep with the one you love and waking up next to them. If my fiance goes to bed after I do, I don't sleep well until he comes to bed. Once he lays down though, I'm out. I just feel so comfortable and safe around him that it is so easy for me to fall sleep next to him - I know I can let my guard down. Plus, cuddling is the best :D
cravinsugar cravinsugar 8 years
I've got to add, I love it when we wake up in the morning and lie there cuddling/talking, sometimes tickling or joking or teasing. I could stay in bed all day like that!
skigurl skigurl 8 years
i'm still so shocked by considering a marriage an "open door policy" on the bed?!??!?!?! no one else finds this strange? i get that some people snore and kick but you can get a king sized bed and he can get something up in his nose fixed or's intimate and it's important and i feel it is one of the times a couple can connect the best
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Me and my boyfriend love to be cuddled up as we drift off to sleep and we started spending pretty much every night together from the beginning. Then we had University work to do and we would spend the week apart and it was gutwrenching to have to sleep without him. :( Now we live together and it's wonderful. It is definitely a very intimate part because I snore like a warthog sometimes! ;p
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 8 years
early enough in the relationship, i take sleeping seriously enough that if you aren't compatible when sleeping leeping together then it's kind of a deal breaker for me. IF we don't cuddle well and i sleep very poorly when you're there, it can't last long. [and i've been right every time] I finally found someone that I don't scoot away from in the middle of the night, or even right before i actually fall asleep. This is the first time i've slept through the entire night in someone's arms. After I realized that, it SERIOUSLY increased my hopes for the relationship.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Definitely! :D
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 8 years
It is intimate. I like it. I agree with Muirnea-- "just cuddling together and then just sleeping together can be so refreshing and nice rather than having sex and falling asleep. Sometimes I just need to cuddle and not do something sexual." :)
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
It took a week to get used to after I got married to my DH. We both move a lot in our sleep... though I don't move as much anymore seeing I love being snuggled with and getting kisses before he goes to work :D
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