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Where Do You Stand: Withholding Sex to Get What You Want

Let's say your man smokes cigarettes and you want him to quit. You've tried talking to him about it, but nothing changes. So you throw him an ultimatum: No sex until he quits. Of course, that proves that you mean business, but is it right to withhold sex to get what you want?

How about you? Have you ever kept your pants on until your partner agreed to something or did something for you? Has anyone ever refused to give you sex because they wanted something? Is this an innocent little ploy or unacceptably immature?


Girl101 Girl101 7 years
Bad idea, he may take it for awhile, but sooner or later he will just go get it somewhere else. I firmly believe that if I did that I would be the first one cheating in the relationship by the act of withholding sex. Also, I am just inviting another women into my bed.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
Nope. It shouldn't be done, and it doesn't work anyway. Maybe I tried that once when I was young and my partner just shrugged and said he could careless about the sex. Then he just walked away. Goes to show you men aren't as stupid as you think, and then you feel like an idiot. Live and learn.
girlfriday girlfriday 9 years
It's childish and I don't like to do it. However, I think it kind of happens naturally. If he's done something that's really upset me, then emotionally, I can't be intimate with him until he apologizes and/or we compromise, truce etc. My body is very tied in with my emotions I think. I don't know if that's true for all women, but I know for some of us it is...
rpenner rpenner 9 years
i don't agree with withholding sex. i like what thorswitch said
LadyP LadyP 9 years
The only time I hold out on sex is if I'm mad at him. Never to get something for personal gain.
vmruby vmruby 9 years
I don't do it ever..... it's pointless and very immature.
thorswitch thorswitch 9 years
OOps, just noticed I forgot to end the "blockquote" tag after I finished quoting from RockandRepublic in my post above. Her comment is the first paragraph. Starting from "100% Agree" is my stuff. Sorry if there was any confusion!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
ffemt1201 said it best. He'll get it somewhere else. Plus why should you go without because he keeps screwing up?
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
Nope, don't agree with it at all.
graylen graylen 9 years
I think that it's really wrong. There are so many other ways to go about things. I think if you put your intimacy on the line for something petty, expect the intimacy (and likely the relationship) to go downhill.
bengalspice bengalspice 9 years
I think I only did when he had an assignment for school ... or it was 10 pm on Tax Day and he still didn't file ... only because these things were time sensitive and I didn't want him snoozing instead of taking care of important things.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
It doesn't work for me. Although I can promise a blowjob as a reward to get him to do something, I would use this as a last resort. Plus, I want sex more than him, so it punishes me more than him!
thorswitch thorswitch 9 years
RockandRepublic said:
The word "withholding" implies that you some how owe someone sex. Uh, no. It's a choice remember? No one can force you and no one should guilt you about something that really isnt an obligation. Agree, 100% Besides, sex is - theoretically, I guess - supposed to be about love and wanting to share the deepest kind of intimacy with another person that you can. Threatening to "withhold" it because they won't do what you want takes it out of the realm of being a form of deep communication and and expression of love, to being little more than a commodity that can be used for bartering to get what you want.
omigosh omigosh 9 years
Dear, I wish you would use more neutral terms and photos in your posts with regard to sexuality. Not all people on this site are heterosexual. If you use terms like 'partner' or 'significant other', instead of 'your man' or 'boyfriend', it would make the posts seem friendlier and more open to people who are not heterosexual! Just a suggestion..
wiciltd wiciltd 9 years
I think if a girl does this she's a douche bag
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
Since I personally don't like smokers, I won't date them. If I want something, I'll talk to him, and if that doesn't work, we'll have to figure something out because I won't stand for it. Of course, learning the accept your man for the way he is would also be an easier alternative. Coming into the relationship, if you knew he was a smoker, that's your problem. Don't use petty tactics to manipulate your man.
Meike Meike 9 years
No, that's utterly manipulative. No one should ever manipulate a person they supposedly love. If you can't get your way though communication and reasoning, then your relationship has some deeper issues.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 9 years
I agree with those who have indicated that sex should not be used as a weapon, ever. Not to mention the fact that if you're dating someone who smokes and you don't like that why are you dating him to begin with? Now if it's something he took up after you started dating, then it's probably a topic of discussion that the two of you should have. I never have understood the whole mentality of trying to change people to fit your standards - particularly someone you're romantically invloved with. You should not go into a relationship with thoughts of wanting to change things about your partner.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
I don't think that'd work with my guy... but usually withholding affection or using the pouty face usually works.
ktdid214 ktdid214 9 years
i have tried. it doesn't work, and i end up cracking and NEEDING to have sex with him.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
The word "withholding" implies that you some how owe someone sex. Uh, no. It's a choice remember? No one can force you and no one should guilt you about something that really isnt an obligation.
Stacey-Cakes Stacey-Cakes 9 years
This is a desperate move that will most likely back-fire that the pathetic girl who tries it! Plus she kinda screwing herself over too...
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
oh my god. I was jokingly said to my bf that no sex until he stop smoking. he got really upset...i do hate him smoking, but i can't stand no having sex with him. i hope he will quit soon, but i dont think withhold sex is the way to pursuade him.
dolceproserpine dolceproserpine 9 years
I've never seen the point in withholding from my partner. You can't force someone to stop doing something. Plus, you're hurting yourself too! Who wants to go without? ^_~
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