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Where to Meet Single Men

If So Many Great Guys Are Out There — How Do You Find Them?

This question comes from All the Single Ladies in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Ladies — I know we're all sick of hearing the phrase "there are so many great guys, just get out there"... at least I am.

I've heard every variation from every acquaintance, colleague, friend, family member, and blog reader.


I've taken language classes, gotten both an undergraduate and master's degree, and go to work every day with eye makeup on.  Still, no dice.  So I'm taking it to you: Where have you found men?  Where have you found Ben Affleck quality men (I'm using Ben Affleck as today's example of what-to-look-for since I'm not in a settling kind of mood tonight, and he's (at least as far as I can tell) a genuinely good guy — and that's what I'm after) ? 

I don't believe in settling, but here in suburbia (oh yeah, did I forget to mention that part), there don't seem to be many (read: any) men anywhere near hitting the mark of "worth spending an evening on."


Want to debrief about life as a single woman? Join our All the Single Ladies group and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community. Maybe we'll feature your content on TrèsSugar.

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GregS GregS 7 years
I know that Betty Wayne just puts her hand out her front door and snaps her fingers.
silviayiyi silviayiyi 7 years
i don't think we girls have a model idea, at list not all of us, but SERIOUSLY where are MEN!? i few days i met this gorgeous interesting guy, tall, cut hair, green eyes, masculine from top to the gay! damnnnn....if they aren't married, they are single but with children and an ex...or girls, they are gay :(
darc5204 darc5204 7 years
If you have a model idea of the "perfect guy" in your head already, you're never going to see the great guys you meet. Give all of them the benefit of the doubt and make friends with as many at-least-good guys as you can, even if you're sure they are wrong for you. You never know when one will turn out to be great or introduce you to his friend, Mr. Perfect.
cherrypop cherrypop 7 years
I met my current bf on myspace and we've been together for more than 2 years now. I was sorta looking for a bf at that time and was using online dating websites (even though I was only 20 at that time). Talked to many, met those that I thought had potential in person, but none of them worked out. Oh, and my bf and I were totally opposites when we first met. He's a drummer for a heavy metal band, and I like classical music. It seem at first that we weren't that compatible but I felt like there was a connection with him (he's uber humorous and honest). And never judge a book by its cover cos even though my bf might look like someone who would smoke, drink, and do drugs, he's straight edge and that's what I like about him. This is my first serious and longest relationship to date and I really hope it'll last because he's a great guy! :)
Spacekatdude Spacekatdude 7 years
I also agree with SKG on guys not enjoying dating girls who are bitter and angry. We get enough of that at work. (Not where I work, of course, I mean, you know, just "work" in general.) I mean, when you're in your twenties and really physically attracted to a girl, a dude might put up with a bad personality disorder (or not recognize it as such)... But as we age (like fine wine) we also realize that certain behaviors are just not acceptable or pleasant to be around.
Spacekatdude Spacekatdude 7 years
I agree with SKG. Going to that science fiction convention is one of the best things either one of us ever did. My advice for the single ladies out there (and YMMV, of course) is (1) work on your own interests and (2) go to where single guys are that share that interest. You like church? Go to church. You like working out? Go to the gym. If your gym isn't working out, go to a different gym. Check out to find groups of folks who like the same things you like. I totally agree with SKG that guys like girls who have some prototypical "guy" interests. Baseball. Football. Auto racing. Pro Wrestling. Videogames. Machines that spin around and make lots of noise. You don't need to enjoy all of them - just pick one, and maybe as you get to know more about how awesome the New York Yankees, you'll grow to love them as much as I do.
medenginer medenginer 7 years
I've had a positive experience from online dating. It took awhile to weed out quantity from quality especially since my dating pool is already limited due to location. I would recommend thinking like a man to find some common ground and go with that place. Electronic, auto, grocery stores, and weekend events. Fuzzles-I would hate to see you get arrested for public nudity so just wear the bacon.
ShaynaLeah ShaynaLeah 7 years
Hi ladies... I'm the single chick who posted the question - and to answer a few of you: - Thank you for backing up the idea of not settling... life is too short to spend it with not-the-right-man... which brings me to my next point: - My life is amazingly full - the master's degree, the house I bought, the dog I adopted, the classes I have taken, were all for me first, but I did hope that there would be the side benefit of meeting Mr. Right/Now... I did make some great friends though... bringing me to my final point: - My life is here - the house I own, my family, a job I'm great at, and friends... I'm not moving to a city just because there's a higher percentage of single men under 35... Obviously all I can do is wait - but I am planning to peruse the weekend offerings for sci fi/tech/computer-y things (oh yes, I'm a a natural!) --- Thank you for your help :-) I'm chronicling life as a single twentysomething (post major weight loss and grad school, pre-the rest of my life) here at Feel free to follow along!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I agree with SKG that taking interest in what's typically known as "guy stuff" definitely helps. I can't tell you how many great connecting conversations I've had with guys just because I genuinely love explosive movies. I can quote almost every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie (albeit many of them cheesy) and it's like guy bait haha And fuzzles... that would even attract me. I'd marry the first guy I saw standing naked in the frozen food aisle with a package of bacon in one hand. Better yet, make that both hands.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
spacekatgal, I was watching the girl from Millionaire Match Maker, and she said to go to comic conventions. Back to the question, I'm no expert, I never had a boyfriend and I'm too scare to put myself out there, but I do believe that you will find the right guy when you meet him, just be patient. Or you can try asking your friends to set you up...
Beauty Beauty 7 years
I think the key is to be open to meeting someone, but not obsessed with it. My life is fulfilling. I have great friends, I have hobbies and interests... I just would like to find someone to be a partner. I figure if I stay open to that idea, it will work out in the end. It's tough, though. The last time I stopped looking, I randomly fell totally head over heels in love with someone... who wound up being a commitmentphobe and completely broke my heart. So yeah, it works, but it doesn't mean you'll find the right person. There's the rub.
fuzzles fuzzles 7 years
Stand in the frozen foods section of the grocery. Naked and holding a package of bacon.
amwillia amwillia 7 years
I know it's not "meeting cute" or a great story but online is really the best way if you're serious about it and focused. You'll already know how good he is on paper. It's actually quite easy to weed out the bad ones and yeah, you'll probably go on a few dates with guys you're not interested in once you meet in person but just consider it meeting a new acquaintance/friend, enjoy the fun bar or restaurant you picked and leave after one drink. When you like someone stay a bit longer, but keep lots of dates so you're doing the choosing (ie. don't get stuck on first guy you go out with but keep in the rotation until you know who you want to date exclusivel). Just my two cents.
partysugar partysugar 7 years
I'm in San Francisco and run into the same problem. And I'm totally out there.
redchick152 redchick152 7 years
post mod...i'm with you girl!! i am totally guilty of not keeping an open mind and not being very approachable. but really its just because i'm socially awkward around new people!! in college, i knew so many people and i also bartended so i was a pro @ chit-chat. but now that i am in the real world and work in a cube, i've become a total introvert! ist so strange. anyways, my point is that the next cute guy that smiles at me is going to be getting a smile right back.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I've tried that whole "stop looking and it'll just come to you" thing and it doesn't work. Like at all. At least not for me. Maybe if I stop going to school and earning my degree and stop exercising and sit on my couch all day, my dream job and dream body will come to me too! I never stop looking, but I don't limit myself as to where he could be. For example, I don't only look for a guy when I'm out at bars on weekends. I keep an open mind. I love that SKG met her husband at a science fiction convention, and that's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. My parents were assigned seats next to eachother on an airplane and hit it off so well they ended up setting up a date before even landing, so I always remember that he really could be anywhere. Behind you in the grocery store line, sitting next to you on the bus, at a poetry reading, at a political rally, at the park walking his dog just like you, etc... I think the best option for finding the right guy is keeping an open mind. I'm guilty of this sometimes too, but we kind of get this specific ideal in our head as to what the perfect partner is and it's pretty hard to find an ideal. Don't compromise all your important qualities, but try to keep an open mind. Isn't it rare to find the perfect pair of shoes after only trying one pair? Usually we try on a lot of different pairs before deciding.
msame msame 7 years
You're really limiting yourself by staying in the burbs since most men who move out there are typically already married or tied down in some way (like to their mama). Pick up a hobby (THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN) that involves other people: tennis...volunteer enthusiasts...concerts. Why are you so concerned about a dude anyway? You sound like a perfectly capable independent woman to me. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? When you stop focusing all your efforts into looking for a guy and just live your life...the right one will come around.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
I would say you meet them wherever you meet new friends, as well. It's different for everybody.
michlny michlny 7 years
online is really the best way....
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
stop looking. seriously, they seem to come into your life when you least expect it.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Well, are you a Jennifer Garner quality girl? I'm just saying, Ben Affleck seems like a nice guy, but I don't know him personally (I'm sure you don't either). I just wouldn't want to date a guy who's just looking for his Jessica Alba or his Angelina Jolie. Anyway, small places can be tough, but then again, a big city with quantity men does not necessarily equal quality, just more guys to weed out. I live in a small city outside of a big city, spend time in both places, and ended up finding my boyfriend in town. It was also quite the chance encounter, totally not expected. You've mentioned school and work. Those can be good places to meet people, but you haven't mentioned anything outside of that. You're probably seeing a lot of the same faces everyday. Go out and do something where you'll run into new people. Friends of friends are a great way to expand your social circle and network.
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