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Who's The Mother Here?

Who's The Mother Here?

Dear Sugar
My mother is on my last nerve and I don't know what to do about it. I am eight months pregnant and very overwhelmed. We have always been very close and any time she needs me, I rise to the occasion. Lately however, I am on last leg.

I recently bought a condo that my mom is occupying so that she can be close to me when my baby is born as I don't have any help. I have done everything for her and the few times I requested her assistance, she ignored me and waited for me to take care of everything on my own, which I eventually had to do.

My mom is a single older woman and I find myself feeling guilty when I snap at her, but I am very inundated with so many details in my own life right now and I can't wait on her hand and foot. I am approaching my last month of pregnancy and I really want this time to be peaceful and relaxing. How can I make my mom more self reliant without hurting her feelings? Expectant Emy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Expectant Emy
Congratulations on your pregnancy. This must be a very exciting yet stressful time for you. You are lucky that you've got your mom near by to help. I can completely understand your frustration with your mom, you should not have to act like the adult in this relationship. Your mother waits around for you to take care of everything because it's the only thing she knows.

If you continue to enable her and make everything OK in the end, she will never learn consequences and continue to count on you. It sounds like you need to work on establishing boundaries in your relationship immediately. Let her know how much you love her but explain that when your baby is born, you will not have the same about of time you had in the past to make sure everything is taken care of.

Could your mom be relying on as an excuse to be with you? By telling her how grateful you are to have her help out with the baby hopefully she will feel included and wanted. Being overwhelmed and anxious during your pregnancy can not be good for you or your baby so please take care of yourself.

You should not feel guilty for leading an independent lifestyle. If you find yourself about to snap at your mom, try to take a deep breath and a step back before lashing out at her. Hopefully your mom can step up to the challenge so you can rely on her in the next few months. Good luck.

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cubadog cubadog 10 years
I do agree with DS. You just need to stop doing everything for your Mom. When you stop she will see that she is going to have to do it for herself. She's a capable adult and should be able to figure out how to do things on her own. There is nothing wrong with telling her that you are too overwhelmed and she needs to step up and do things on her own.
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