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Whoa! He Went For Fifth Base!

Dear Sugar
I've been dating this guy for about three months now and I really like him. We are intimate and it has been amazing so far, well, until the other night when without warning or asking me, he went straight for fifth base! I was horrified, not to mention in pain. Afterward, it was totally awkward between us. How can I talk to him about this without sounding prude? Back Doored Bella

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Back Doored Bella
Wow, I am sure you were shocked (literally). Experimenting sexually should be mutual, not something that evolves through trial and error. Try bringing up the situation while you are snuggling on the couch or doing something non-sexually related.

Tell him that fifth base is something you don't enjoy and that you don't wish to further explore, but that you are definitely open to exploring other kinds of sexual ideas. This would be a great opportunity to exchange fantasies with each other! Good luck.

<3-Gossip <3-Gossip 10 years
sweetnsyrup sweetnsyrup 10 years
Yeah, that's the difference between girl-girl sex and homo sex among other things! The latter usually involves anal and that hurts--plus who likes the smell of poop?! Gross. Personally, maybe if you wanted to try something different and not painful--try "rimming" but only after a long hot shower and you're both clean. you have to be in the mood for it or if you think about ti objectively that's kind of gross too.
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 10 years
my boyfriend did that once or twice saying he thought he was aiming for the "other hole" which i believe in those 2 cases. But there have been a couple others where he was going for that specifically. I told him no and if i did it wouldnt happen on the first try neway. Girls if youve done that i dont know how!! Weve tried it a couple times but he never gets all the way in cuz its to painful for me. I just dont see how girls can do that everytime. ouch
iheartfooty iheartfooty 10 years
Anal sex is a no no, I have had it once and it isn't pleasant......there is a reason why there is no "bits" to "pleasure" the ladies there. Cause it shouldn't be there in the 1st place!!
Deba Deba 10 years
I agree with carbizkate.... comment it as joke and then add "not but seriously, it did hurt"
getstinko getstinko 10 years
anytime I've accidentally hit that location I've gotten bucked off and been given a fair warning. If he was in this spot and finished there without any complaint or feedback from you, perhaps he thought you were into it, you know spontaneity.
carbizkate carbizkate 10 years
Ouch!! If you are afraid to talk to him about it, don't be! It's okay! You can always bring it up in a kind of joking fashion like "Ouch, I wasn't expecting hurts, you know!" and they get the message without you making them feel really dumb. Sometimes it is just an honest mistake on their part, especially if it's dark in the room, etc. If it makes you uncomfortable, you certainly need to say something to him, because if you don't, not only will that bother you, but you will probably not be able to enjoy sex as much anymore because you will constantly be worrying about him doing it again!
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I don't think you should be worried about being a prude. He's probably mortified that he just did that without asking! Either way talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and not to surprise you like that without asking you first and letting you prepare mentally.
NessSugar NessSugar 10 years
Guys know that NOT all women are cool with this... I think it was an aggressive move he knew he shouldn't make without asking, but thought his chances of you being cool with it were better if he just tested you. Sorry to be blunt, but you wouldn't just whip out a strap on and assume he likes it, right? This isn't an episode of Dirt. Actions speak louder than words and his approach says a lot. Dump his ass and find someone who respects you.
fashion_doll24 fashion_doll24 10 years
I agree with 3Sweeties here: it's an EXIT! Things aren't meant to go in :d
3Sweeties 3Sweeties 10 years
OOO, Jess! total freudian slip there, you dirty girl!
JessNess JessNess 10 years
I meant permission not position :rotfl:
JessNess JessNess 10 years
uuuuhhhhhh you really need to talk to him about it. Seriously if you cant talk to him about it then maybe you guys arent ready to have sex at all. But that kind of stuff needs your position because he could actually injure you and cause some very unpleasant tearing. Plus you need to work your way up so if it is something you want to try you need to start slow like with a finger and tons of lube. Alright Im starting to make myself a little sick
Marci Marci 10 years
We don't ever have to do anything we don't want to do, sexually. Different strokes for different folks, and not liking something does not make you a prude. Just tell him you don't enjoy it. Period. My boyfriend teases about that as being 'the final frontier' but he also knows that's never going to happen. Not with me, anyway. Ouch!
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
I agree with popgoestheworld, why on earth didn't you say get out? Stop? It hurts? Couldn't he tell how you were reacting? For crying out loud, your response is almost the response of someone who has been date raped -- straight to 5th base? What does this mean, he got you naked and just turned you around? You were horrified and in pain and when it ended it was ackward. I have heard these stories but the girls usually do not call the guy(s) "my boyfriend."
lindac lindac 10 years
Rectal tearing is one way that HIV can be introduced so you need to be really careful to use condoms if you're going this route - so to speak. That's why lube and working your way up via fingers is the way to go and not just ramming a penis in there is advised. I mean DAMN I would be wearing any man's balls as earrings if he ever tried that w/o some kind of warning! Some of my friends like that - but it's not for me.
lorenashley lorenashley 10 years
The same type of thing happened to my friend and by friend I do mean friend NOT ME..ahahaha.
rkdub rkdub 10 years
LOL... getstinko... my bf always jokes around about "trying out the backdoor" and i finally got tired of his joking (not really my thing...) and I told him I would pick out something for him to get rammed up his backdoor and see how he likes it.... if he's not willing to "experiment" than neither am I....
dreamsugar dreamsugar 10 years
Ahhhh -- what's 5th base? (seriously) please send me an email I'm dying to know.
getstinko getstinko 10 years
As a man who has taken a few girls to 5th, it is not okay to jump into this activity without approval. 5th can be potentially painful and messy, so it needs to be agreed upon and mutual. you need to be sure this doesn't happen again without approval. You aren't a prude, although if you catch that line you should engage him in sex and surprise him with a dildo in his pooper. See how he likes it.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
nicachica, it's happened to me before too. less than a min, alcohol involved and poor aim. "wrong hole honey, i'm not in the mood for that tonight."
fashion_doll24 fashion_doll24 10 years
Didn't it HURT???
nicachica nicachica 10 years
lol Cuba, you don't know all the details! it lasted less than a minute, if that. there was some alcohol involved too so i can understand that. anyway, it hasn't happened again, he apologized, etc., so i've given him a pass.
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