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Whose Betrayal Is Worse?

Like many of you, I saw The Women this weekend. While I was pretty disappointed with the movie overall, the film did bring up some interesting topics. Without giving too much away, all the characters come together to support Mary, played by Meg Ryan, whose high profile husband of 13 years cheats on her. Though they are all on her side, Mary's best friend Sylvie ends up selling her story to the press in order to save her job. When the source of the story is revealed, already broken Mary tells Sylvie that her betrayal was far worse than that of her cheating husband's. The deception from both is no doubt heart-breaking, but the notion of a best friend's bad faith stinging more than that of a significant other's really got me thinking. As someone that values friendship like family, I can completely sympathize with Mary's pain but ladies, tell me, do you think the betrayal of a friend hurts more than the betrayal of a lover?


JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
The betrayal from the husband is far worse to me but I could definitely see why someone would say the friend. If no one knew about her husband cheating and weren't going to find out then I would be really pissed if my friend told the press.
richkidblues richkidblues 9 years
Being betrayed by a friend is worse. A lovers betrayal will hurt terribly but eventually you can get over it. Being betrayed by a friend is a completely different kind of pain. Its much harder to get over. When a relationship ends its a given that it will hurt and you have to pull yourself up and get over it. When a friendship ends it hurts alot more because she knows your secrets, your emotions and your pain.. and it hurts like hell to be betrayed by someone who you believed should be on your side.
ilanac13 ilanac13 9 years
i think that a friend's betrayal is a bit worse than that of a lover. i feel like the friend in this instance knew about the pain that she was going through when she found out about the cheating that was going on and then to drive the stake in deeper - she did her own thing to make it 'smart'. friends are typically held in higher regard in my eyes since they are the people who are there for you regardless of commitments and things like that.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
Maybe I'm super old school on this but I'm kind of getting tired of the female version of bros before ho's showing up in women's movies lately. I understand that friendships between women off er support and understanding that many of us don't find in other places but I am honestly married to my best friend. There isn't anybody I trust or love more in the whole world than my husband and I think that's the way it should be. My loyalty lies with him and if a friend and I have a fight then he's the one who comforts me. I don't particularly think there is anything wrong with that. Now I can understand maybe your friends coming before some guy you just met and aren't serious about but isn't there some point where a relationship with your significant other becomes your focus when you start to form your own nuclear little unit... or is that just me?
Phunkometry Phunkometry 9 years
I'm just posting to say that, while I didn't see this remake, if you didn't like it, go see the 1939 version with Norma Shearer as Mary, Rosalind Russell as Sylvia, and Joan Crawford as Crystal. To answer the question as Dear put it, I'd say a betrayal of a friend is worse than the betrayal of "a lover". But I think it changes once that lover becomes your husband. I mean, with a friend, there are definitely unspoken promises and expectations, but during a marriage ceremony these promises are written, spoken, witnessed by your family, friends and God (if you so choose). You can always have other friends who will support you (as Mary did in The Women), but, unless you're into polyandry, you only have one husband.
italianblonde italianblonde 9 years
I would say the friends' betrayal is worse. I'd like to think that my friendships are more lasting than my romantic relationships, even though being cheated on is terrible.
pinkflake2 pinkflake2 9 years
I don't really know how I feel about this issue....but I'm just posting to say I love Meg Ryan's hair like this...I wish my hair could do that!
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 9 years
I'm saying the betrayal of a husband is worse- if I took vows to build a life with a man and he cheated on me, then that would be one hell of a betrayal. My friend selling me out like that- really low, but her job was on the line. Our friendship would most likely never be the same but at least she had some sort of motivation- her financial security, than a husband who was just feeling a bit randy at the time.
Pallas-Athena Pallas-Athena 9 years
I would comment, but right now one hand is messy. I just wanted to say where I am (NY) this movie got a good review and I'm definitely going to see it!
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 9 years
I did not like this movie at all, I'm so glad I didn't pay for it but I'm mad I had to sit through it. They both sting pretty bad, but I couldn't believe her friend since college sold her out like that. That was worse, definitely.
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
Although the betrayal of a friend would be always more aggravating than the one of the husband, the thing that makes her even more guilty is the fact that she was willing to even humiliate the friend she had already betrayed (as if she hadn't done enough damage already) by making it public just so she could save her own selfish *ss. With friends like that, who needs enemies??
Mykie7 Mykie7 9 years
I'm with Muir. You can't really compare the two. Your husband made a commitment to be faithful. Your friend made a commitment to be there for you. You friend WAS there for you, she just had to save her own a** and kind of sold you out. Yes, it hurts, but I think in the long run this would be easy to recover from. Not-so-much with the spouse.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
It really just depends on the situation. It depends on how close you are to the friend, and what exactly the friend did. I haven't seen the movie but in dear's ex., the friend had a very hard decision, a job is really important too, I could probably forgive my friend for something like having to save her job to have money to survive. In any husband's case though, it would not be a hard decision like that, the husband made a commitment and then ignored it and that is all there is to it...bye bye useless piece of $h!t (husband). So I guess I don't think you can really compare the two, they can both be horrible, just in different ways.
ohkate ohkate 9 years
hmmm this is a toughie. my husband IS my best friend so if he decided to cheat on me (and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't especially after his horrible ex who constantly cheated on him) I'd get a double whammy. I'm going to go with the cheating husband being worse however the circumstances in this movie do lead me to believe that the "best friend" selling her out to save herself, that is really worse than the cheating husband because she's benefiting from her "best friend's" suffering ):
bluestar bluestar 9 years
I would say a friend's is worse.
sunnyheart sunnyheart 9 years
I agree that a friend's betrayal is worse. My best friend since first grade had sex with my ex-fiance days after we broke up. I was devestated by my ex (no longer--thank goodness I realized he didn't love me before we got married!) but I was INFURIATED by my friend and her cowardness and unwillingness to talk to me about her actions (I heard about it from the ex, not her). The man, sad, tragic, whatever, but I couldn't believe my best friend would throw away over a decade of friendship for a moment of lust. Four years later we're just starting to rebuild a friendship, and I am learning about the extreme circumstances that led to her decision which she greatly regrets, but it will never be the same. It hurt much more than the man's actions, who I'm better off without.
faerymagick15 faerymagick15 9 years
I've been in both situations and the husband hurt far worse than the friend.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
ashamed** I have obviously been on summer vacation for too long.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
let them**
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
In this situation, it's not the end of the world. It's not like people haven't heard of cheating spouses. If someone wants to sell my story, then I would let me (But we get to share the profits.). It's a topic many women can relate to, and it's not my fault my husband cheated, he was a jerk; I wouldn't feel shameful.
tyffi tyffi 9 years
Haven't seen the movie, but I'd say the betrayal of the friend is worse. My dad always says friendships are for life, romantic relationships temporary. I pretty much agree with him.
Deidre Deidre 9 years
This is the betrayl of a HUSBAND -- cal me old-fashioned, but being treated such by the person you pledged your life to...stings just a tad more than the friend.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i didn't see the movie, but i think the cheating husband is worse, especially in this circumstance where the friend may have done it to save her job, and therefore felt between a rock and a hard place. the husband just did it to satisfy his own stupid needs. too bad the movie is getting bad reviews, cuz i thought it looked so good!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Personally, I think the betrayal of a lover would hurt more, but the friendship betrayal is bad, too.
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